Four Common Self-Sabotaging Tactics
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
There are four common self-sabotaging tactics that you should avoid at all cost.
Do you find yourself repeating behaviors that sabotage your success? Are you ready to put your limiting behavior to rest in favor of a better outlook and greater fulfillment?
The first step to the success you crave is being able to recognize the limiting beliefs that stand in the way of your success. Once you do, you can banish those beliefs in favor of more empowering ones. Become aware of these self-sabotaging thoughts and beliefs that you hold so you can replace them with more productive thoughts that support your success:
Settling for less than your best causes you to stop short of unleashing your fullest potential. Sometimes you settle for less because you’re scared of encountering failure. Other times, you may settle simply because you lack awareness of your own strength.
Test your strength constantly by going out of your comfort zone. Face your fears, because more often than not, your fear is the only obstacle between you and ultimate success.
Expecting too much from others. When you automatically expect help from others, or anticipate that others will bail you out of a tough situation, you’re expecting too much. You are only responsible for yourself. Even if your friends and family have helped you in the past, they may choose to let you fend for yourself this time around. Always be prepared to suffer the consequences of your actions and clean up your own mess. Choose a more sensible path that takes into account that you may journey to your destination alone.
Do you feel sorry for yourself? If your current situation causes you to feel like something’s missing, change your circumstances. Instead of dwelling on what could have been and focusing on the unfortunate hand you’ve been dealt, seek to learn from every experience and focus on solutions, instead of problems.
Your success is your responsibility. Hold yourself accountable for your results and allow unfortunate situations to steer you toward success, instead of deterring you from achieving your dreams. By maintaining this mindset, even your worst trial will be far better than remaining on the sidelines of life.
Lack of a back-up plan can be a problem. If your initial plan gives less than desired results, your only chance at success is your ability to adapt. Everyone needs a Plan B. You may feel like a pessimist by planning for an unfortunate outcome, but this planning is actually proactive. It shows your mind that you’re serious about reaching your desired destination. Ensure your financial security, mental health, and well-being by always planning for the worst while hoping for the best.
If you often find yourself creating any of these self-sabotaging behaviors that hinder your chances of success, decide that today is going to be a new day.
The important thing is that you recognize the thought patterns and behaviors that limit you and head in a new direction that supports your success.
Replace unproductive ways of thinking with a more productive, solution-oriented focus that tells your mind you deserve the success you seek. When you do, your success is inevitable.
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Trust
Trust is sometimes a dirty little five letter word. It is defined in Webster as a “firm belief or confidence in the honesty integrity, reliability, justice, etc. of another person or thing; faith; hope.” Wow, what a mouthful!
To trust means to allow oneself to be vulnerable to a person or thing. It is putting your hope and faith in a person believing that they will deliver or believing to receive the expected outcome. How many of us have been burned by this five letter word, therefore resulting in what we call “trust issues?”
From a personal standpoint, I have had to face my issues with trusting. If you are like me, you want to be able to trust and take others at their word believing for the expected outcome. When you have been let down or your trust has been betrayed on several occasions, trust becomes a major challenge. After betrayal of trust how can one get over trust issues? Truly, there is no easy way to get over trust issues or challenges. There is no quick fix, step by step magic formula that works for everyone. Let’s explore one major word that is at the heart of trust issues, vulnerability.
Trusting means you will have to allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone or something at some point in your life. In saying this let’s note that there are ways to be vulnerable and still maintain control. This doesn’t mean that you can avoid all hurt. When you walk into a vulnerable situation you have to understand that there is potential for let down and you prepare yourself for both the good and the bad. Yes, I am trusting I will receive the expected outcome, but if I don’t, where do I go from here. It is knowing that that things may change and what is my plan if I don’t receive that expected outcome.
One final note I want to make with regard to trust is the need for forgiveness. To help overcome trust issues and the hurt that results from broken trust is one’s ability to forgive. Our ability to trust must be married to our ability to forgive. Forgiving someone after they have broken your trust is easier said than done, however, if we do not forgive we have the potential to become bitter and bitterness can lead to physical ailments as well as emotional distress. We must learn how to trust and forgive. It is the key to long lasting and healthy relationships.
Learning to trust builds character and strength; allowing oneself to be vulnerable has its ups and downs; knowing you can move forward no matter the outcome is giving stability to an unknown future.
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About the Author: Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C., is owner of The Total Makeover Company, LLC, working to help enhance your personal growth. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit The Total Makeover, LLC, on the web at www.thetotalmakeover.com.
4-Tips to Empower Yourself
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
We all face hardships at some point in our lives. Some of us own responsibility and get on with our lives while most of us blame others. When you own responsibility for yourself you empower yourself. You are the cause and your life experiences are the results in your life. You determine the direction of your life. You are in control of your life.
If you are not able to explain why your life is as it is, you are probably giving your power away to someone else, are you? Most of us tend to blame something else or someone else or our fate for all bad experiences in our life such as abusive childhood, loss of a loved one or broken relationships. When you are not in control of yourself or your life that means you are powerless. Blaming is a disempowering emotion.
If you think by blaming others for your life you are getting away from problems you are completely wrong. Your life problems would stay the same and recur again and again as long as you make someone else responsible for your life. You give others power to control you and your life. So your life problems would tend to stay the way they are until you take back your power and claim full responsibility for your emotions, actions and life as a whole.
True empowerment is taking responsibility for your life so that you are free to do whatever you want to do and be anything you choose to be.
Here are 4 tips to empower you:
1) Make your own choices – Life is full of choices and you have the freedom to choose. You learn only through trial and error. Be bold and accept the outcome of your decisions. If your choice is correct, be happy. If not do not blame yourself or others. Instead, analyze where you went wrong and correct yourself. The next time around, you may be able to make the right choices.
2) Practice deep breathing – If you make it a habit to practice deep breathing throughout the day, you would have clarity in your thoughts. You feel more relaxed to think clearly and make good judgments of your situations.
3) Feel grateful – Gratitude is something we never show for many things we enjoy in our life. Instead of cursing your problems look around you and realize how blessed you are to have nature bestow you good health, sunshine, food, good relationships, fresh air, etc. When you feel grateful for these things you are convinced that life is not bad at all.
4) Develop mental awareness – Observe your thoughts. Are they good or bad? Are they positive or negative? If your thoughts are positive it is good. You could act on them with positive results. What if you have negative thoughts? You could still control them if you are aware of them. Empower yourself by being aware of your good and bad thoughts.
When you deal with your own pains and pleasures you are the controller of your life. Just know that no one else could take away your power to control your life and events because you are the master of your destiny.
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Getting Away from Shyness
Quite often, I am asked about shyness and what can be done to assist one to “get over it.” There are many individuals who find fighting shyness a continual battle. So first, let’s define just what shyness is. Shyness is defined as an inhibition from contact or acquaintance with others. It is scientifically stated as an uncomfortable feeling towards some personal and interpersonal orientation that hinders the pursuit of goals.
Shyness is a state that causes discomfort in social situations that, in extreme cases, can lead a person to shun all sorts of peer-to-peer interactions altogether. It can be a mild type of shyness, where the person is still able to face others in discussions albeit with a Read more
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EVALUATING COACHING:
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