Lessons from Popeye
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
I’ve spent many years loving Popeye the Sailor and the lessons he has taught me! One, of course, is to eat your spinach; but that is not the great one. Popeye is my favourite philosopher. It took me many years to learn his simple philosophy, “I is what I is and that’s all that I is”. Think on that one a while as your saying “This guy is nuts!” By the way, I am that too.
I spent too many years trying to be what other people thought I should be and not being who I really was. This “actor on a stage” life led me to a lot of places I didn’t want to go. It led me to trying to escape the false person who I had become. It took me to a very low spot in life, a spot I now call bottom. It helped make me sick and tired of being sick and tired. I lived irritable, restless and discontent. I wanted pleasure and I wanted it now.
Today, I know that that is not who I am and not who I was meant to be. I became what others wanted and acted how they expected. I played a role I was never comfortable in and when you’re not comfortable in your own skin, life is not a joy! Can you relate?
Today, I have accepted Popeye’s philosophy. To accept that I am what I am and that is just perfect for me has been a journey. Along the journey, I’ve had a lot of help and support. I have found and worked with people who have actually LISTENED to what I was saying and feeling, and have conscious contact on a daily basis as a result of this help with a power far greater than me. I’m thankful daily that I found this power within me and around me. From Hazelden:
I Am Who I Am — Sometimes we want to be someone else – anyone but who we are. We want to be someone who feels more free and at peace. We want to be someone who doesn’t have to take medications day after day. We want to be free of the pain and loneliness our illness has brought us.
Thought for the Day — When I look within, I will discover that accepting myself and being myself are far more fulfilling that expected.”
There is hope that the same changes can happen within any person who really wants to be their authentic self and is prepared to be honest, seek help and take action. Today’s life is far more than I ever expected and being just me is all that I need to be. It is nice to be true to myself and that small quiet voice within that I now listen to a follow as best I can. Popeye, you are simple but brilliant.
I would love you to share your thoughts on that, and if I can help you be your own Popeye, just ask.
END
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
I Don’t Get It!
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Last night, as is my norm on Thursday nights, I attended a regular small group discussion focused on the recovery of life.
How often I hear these words from clients and/or people I sponsor. I constantly witness insanity at work; doing the same thing repeatedly expecting different results! DUH—don’t get it?
In my pro bono service work I try to never say no to someone who genuinely asks for help IF I am qualified to help. In my paid coaching work, because I guarantee results, I am very particular as to who I accept as clients. In both cases, to get it, to make very big life changes-not just living addiction free- requires many things.
I have studied psychology and read a great many books on change, motivation, success, spirituality and many other related topics; materials presented by very well known people. They all add to my knowledge base. HOWEVER, my bible for life change remains the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. A book not written by a noted shrink, but by people who have walked the walk!
In Chapter 5 of this book, on pages 58 and 59, there is a chapter called “How It Works”. Most who read go directly to the 12 steps, but the simple truths appear before getting that deeply into the chapter.
The chapter begins “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. It promises a high likelihood of failure to people who will not follow this simple program.
I have noted following a simple program is tough for intelligent people, they seem to have the answers, and the answers they have are complicated. To get the life you want, the book states that having the capacity to be honest is needed. And this means honest to self on all matters. Rigorous honesty is called for.
If you want the life and results you espouse to, you must be willing to go to any lengths to get them. What is complicated about “any lengths”? Experience has shown me that those who don’t get it are those who define the lengths they are prepared to go to. When I guarantee my paying clients results, it is with the clear stipulation that they be totally honest to themselves and to me, and do the work assigned without question. To date, all who have done so have got results.
As the book goes on to say “At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier softer way. But we could not.” There is no shortcut to success. Ask those who took part in the easy money schemes that are now unfolding. Generally, you reap what you sow.
To get results we need help- help from a power greater than ourselves. I am not religious, but know that if I had depended on me solely to get the life I really wanted; insanity as noted above would have prevented my achieving my goals. Simple truth. While not religious personally, I have found a real higher power within me (and we all have it) which has been a constant source of strength. You may need some help to know where to look. It’s there!
The book states and I have witnessed it in action, “Half measures availed us not. We stood at the turning point”. Don’t do the work and it is likely you’ll make the wrong turn. Simple truth!
When my head got into the place where all this stuff made sense, I was ready to take action, and funny thing, I was able to get it! I love coaching others through the process of readiness and the action that follows it. Those who are committed get it despite themselves, but it is a leap of faith.
In a few minutes I will speak with a “pro bono” “friend” who for five years has not got it. We will go over the same basic stuff again because he states he is struggling and not getting it. He is a highly trained professional who suffers frequently from depression (funny, alcohol and pot are chemical depressants) and has harmed his professional practise. He is at risk of losing his cherished family and has deeply hurt and adversely affected those he is closest to. His reputation amongst friends and peers has been tarnished (bad mental hygiene and addictions are the worst kept “secret” in town). His ego (self-pride) on the outside appears large; his self-esteem/self-love is very low. He can rationalise and complicate most things, yet he tells me he just doesn’t get it.
Wonder why? Could it be that he is not willing to go to the lengths necessary?
I certainly don’t have all the answers. I’ve trained and constantly upgrade to be the best value I can be to others. Daily I do the best I can to walk the talk. I’ve traveled my own road of life recovery, have used much “outside” professional help when needed and as you can tell from my bible, stay close to the basics that have helped millions improve their mental hygiene.
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Loving What You Do – Discipline
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
It’s been a challenging week. Car unexpectedly needed an expensive repair, drove a ton of miles to take a lady into detox and then pick her up, got a “bug” from celebrating Easter in very close proximity to my 2 year old grand daughter, was let down by someone allegedly in the program in a distant city who I asked to reach out to the lady who was detoxing in her town, and so on.
I am grateful to be able to get the car fixed and take the lady to and from detox and share, detox was good for her even though the person I had asked to reach out didn’t, I’m getting over the “bug” and did some volunteer work this morning cleaning up the local golf course plus some “12th step work” and through the help of my higher power, “you people” and several outside the program experts, I’m living a life that is allowing me to do things I love! I am grateful to better understand the discipline I needed for me to get there. In keeping with this feeling, a very good reading:
My father taught me that only through self-discipline can you achieve freedom.
Pour water into a cup and you can drink. Without the cup, the water would splash over.
The cup is discipline. –Ricardo Montalban
It is no accident that the words discipline and disciple come from the same root. To be a disciple of any path, one must be disciplined. Life works best when we learn to discipline ourselves.
Discipline liberates rather than confines you. Discipline allows you to function with ease and grace. After years of practicing his strokes, a tennis player can hit the ball without having to think about it. What once took conscious effort is now second nature.
Unfortunately, many of us had discipline forced upon us as children. Naturally, we rebelled against an externally imposed structure. We were not shown that true discipline always comes from within, and the motivation for that urge is love. When we are doing what we love, when we are pursuing something that has meaning, discipline comes naturally. As one Olympic athlete explained, “I don’t mind working out every day. Because I love what I am doing, my training is not a burden but a joy.”
Discipline is your ticket to freedom and path to excellence. Choose to be disciplined in all your endeavours and become the master of yourself and your life.
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
A Spiritual (not religious) Lifestyle
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Thought to Ponder . . .True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess.
As I made a decision to do something about my life as it was back in 1994, early on I had the GOD thing thrown at me.
Like most, I had attended Sunday school as a kid and at the insistence of my parents. At an age I was allowed to make decisions for myself, I found better things to do on a Sunday morning, like sleep in to recover from Saturday night!
At about 17 years old, I met a lady who was in to a fundamentalist Christian religion, or at least her family was, and to please and impress her and them, I started to attend their church. Being the type of person I am (half measures availed us not) I embraced the religion, the church, and its members hook line and sinker. In return, I received a lot of attention, praise and encouragement from not only the young lady, but the congregation as a whole. I had found a place where I got some of the things I was lacking in life.
The romance with the religion continued for about three years and the relationship with the “girl” who was to become my wife and mother to my children continued.
Was I genuine in my beliefs or just going through the motions to please others? It’s a moot point today. I learned a lot and cleaned up my behavior, left booze and drugs alone for the first time in my teen years, and acted like the person my new church friends thought I should be.
At the end of high school I had options. I was accepted at Bible College (1st acceptance) followed by acceptance at two good universities where I had an option to play football. University won out easily.
I was a “Christian” in the conduct others saw over my first year “away” at university. The relationship with the young lady (3 years my junior) continued on. I returned home after 1st year and the personal relationship got far more physical- note I did not say intimate- through out the summer.
I returned to school in the fall, and just prior to Canadian thanksgiving, I got the confirming phone call that the young lady and I were about to be parents. In our infinite wisdom and against parental advice- we decided to get married.
A very funny and life altering thing happened, one that was to shape the next 25 years of my life and alter the lives of 2 young people.
Without belabouring it and getting into specifics, the church that had been our rock turned on us and my wife’s family. The god I knew I had found at this church and in my mind was part of this church and spoke through, in part, these people. To be shunned was devastating.
Any connection I had with god ended. It was as sudden as the disconnect of a telephone line. I very quickly reverted back to my old behaviors that included the proverbial sex, drugs and rock and roll. God was gone, and gone for the next 25 years. He had dropped the ball in my mind.
Going forward, my career thrived but my personal behavior began a downward spiral. I was a terrible husband, sporadically a good father and a personally needy person. Even major career success could not fill the hole inside; I had lost self esteem and confidence as a person. I continued to play the role of “business executive” well to prove my mettle and gave freely to others to try and fill the hole in me. The marriage ended and within a short time I took another lady hostage. I did the best I could as a parent, but my best left a lot of room for improvement. I wrecked the havoc that a person active in addictions does without meaning to upon those they care about the most. I use the word care, not love, for self-love was gone and you can’t give to others what you haven’t got for self!
Wife #2 moved out on me, the great provider. I truly cared about her more than anyone I had ever met, yet my selfish behavior caused her to run to save her own sanity; an act of real courage. I spiraled downwards very rapidly.
Here I was, 46, materially appearing successful, no higher power in my life, emotionally and spiritual bankrupt and as low as I could go- something- a miracle- said change and get help, and in a moment of clarity (following a police stop where a breathalyser clearly malfunctioned) I listened.
“Reluctantly, I opened my mind to the fact that maybe, just maybe, there was something to this spiritual lifestyle.
Slowly, but surely, I realized that there was indeed a Power greater than myself, and I soon found myself with a full-time God in my life and following a spiritual path that didn’t conflict with my personal religious convictions.”
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 287
Today I have a relationship with a Higher Power (HP) that I found deep inside of me. I understand the prose “Footsteps” and daily, as I work on my spiritual fitness, more is shown to me. I know by the grace of my HP, the life I have today is a miracle and daily I feel gratitude for this gift given. I am truly grateful for the inner strength given to me that allowed me to make change and regain self respect. I have love in reserve today that I can give away, and I work hard to keep my tank full!
My religion is my life. While I respect others who find comfort within a “creed”, this has not been something I have sought out…..yet. While having gotten over my resentments about church and structured religion, I know churches are people and the individual dogmas to a large part man made with a need to be right. I’m OK in any religious facility because my personal HP comes with me.
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
TAKING ACTION-OUCH!
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Thought to Ponder . . . Never mistake motion for action.
I read the book, sat on the sidelines at dances, talked the talk but didn’t get off my duff to actually dance. I dreamed I was mister dancing king, I fantasized what it would feel like, but when it came time to dance, reality was much different than fantasy!
I wanted to dance badly, and finally and reluctantly, I got someone to teach me in private. When I took action, I got results. Funny how that works.
I read a lot of blogs and stories done by people who profess to want a much improved life with dramatically changed behavior. I see many at meetings; talk with many as part of my coaching practice and after speaking engagements. I know for certain the only way to get results is to take action, and as with athletes, many need a “coach” to push them. Coaches come in many forms. The following is true in my own life and the lives of many. Forget the reference to AA and booze if it doesn’t fit and plug in any aspect of life you want to turn around! Quit talking and TAKE ACTION. Nike has it right….”JUST DO IT”.
“One of the most important things AA has given me, in addition to freedom from booze, is the ability to take “right action.”
It says the promises will always materialize if I work for them.
Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won’t work. “
I sincerely hope this strikes a cord with some who read this. Too many want to make major change in their life and/or claim to be in some form of recovery. They get caught in the “cosmic void” of life, and forget that to get the life you want there is only one path, and that path requires that YOU take action. Want to talk about what action looks like or need a kick start, maybe I can help. Feel free to make contact me – my contact info is below.
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
The Power of Conscious Mind
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Last night, as is my norm on Thursday nights, I attended a regular small group discussion focused on the recovery of life.
The group is small and in that small size their is quite a bit of intimacy and trust. Age range is wide, and socio-economic and education levels are huge. A good cross section of our local population with a great group respect and openness.
I listen closely and learn at these sessions.
Last night, we were discus our individual faults and instincts that went out of balance. Every human has faults (defects of character) and at points in life, we all have natural instincts (dear, anger, sex, hunger, etc) go out of balance.
In listening to my fellows, I heard from several who had looked to their own pasts mirror what I have experienced myself; having been made and staying consciously ware of the defects I have, and asking on a daily basis to have them removed, they no longer play as destructive a role in my life as they once did.
There is a tremendous power in being consciously aware, particularly on a daily basis.
While natural instinct are a part of us (things like fear, sex, hunger, sleep etc.) are given to us to survive, instincts and actions (honesty, trust, eating, greed-the deadly sins) can get out of balance without our knowing and lead us, and those around us, on a journey of internal hell and ultimately destruction. Being consciously aware and taking action opens up a whole new road; a far healthier option.
While still having defects of character (the Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery has made me conscious of what they are) they do not impact on my life as negatively as they once did, and funnily enough, I am not do some of the very destructive things (drinking, drugging, lying, cheating) that I once did and SURPRISE, I am reasonably content with the life I have. Through the power of conscious awareness we realize we are not perfect and never will be. But by conscious recognition of our defects and a sincere desire to have them removed, we can have a new freedom in our lives.
Thank you for allowing me to listen to some great discussion and for the reminders I received. May this learning help my journey and allow me to better help others to find their own right journey to recovery.
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Times of Reprogramming
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Life recovery is not all tiresome, unrewarded work. It is work. There are times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice what we have learned. There are times of change, times when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a particular problem.
These are the times when what we’ve been practicing in life recovery begins to show in our life. These times of change are intense but purposeful.
There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being “reprogrammed.” We start letting go of beliefs and behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar.
During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and needy – like we are on a journey without a road map or a flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this ground before. We are glad to have a coach to call upon.
We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We may not know where or if we are being led. We trust.
We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working His finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road too. We have been led to someone who can help us, someone who can help us find the markers we need.
We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold.
Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when we don’t understand it. We are right where we need to be in this process; we’re going through exactly what we need to experience. And where we’re going is better than any other place we’ve been.
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Unemployed Cross Builder Seeks Work
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Find this heading a little strange? One of the biggest issues I find people facing that I work with is the ongoing search for personal perfection. Can you relate?
Find this heading a little strange? Before I offend anyone of rigid Christian faith, it is not my intent. Please understand that my beliefs in a higher power are in keeping with the fundamentals of formal religions, but I do not profess to be of any religion. I respect all who gain strength from their faith.
I read a book called the BIBLE. Great stuff to be learnt in there. In the “New Testament” the central character is a man named Jesus Christ who was a marvelous teacher. The book also tells me HE was perfect.
His reward, a group who were afraid of his teachings and his perfection tried to kill him by nailing Him to a cross.
With so many people seeking perfection, and not readily knowing where to by a cross for those who succeed in the achievement of perfection, I thought there might be an opportunity to build crosses for perfect people. So far, I’m dramatically under employed; I haven’t had my first customer yet.
So if you know a truly perfect person who needs a cross, please send them my way. If you are trying to be perfect in every way, please keep my number close by and call when you need your cross-wood only!
I think you get the point. The search for perfection and expectation that it will happen may well kill you. In my own life, things turned around dramatically when I sought progress, not perfection. I will never be a customer for a cross, I can now accept that through being taught by others and an intimate relationship with myself, a higher power and many “teachers” that have been a part of my life. I may be able to build a cross; I’ll never be worthy to occupy one in a biblical sense.
Want to learn about you, and achieve more out of life with the talents within you, while accepting you’re not perfect? Want to learn how to accept your best is good enough? Want to reduce the amount you beat yourself up for not being perfect? Want to stop feeling that in some way you are a failure?
We can help. The “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery” uses proved spiritual foundations to help you build a foundation for the life you dream about. It works. We coach using it and are prepared to spend an hour with you on the phone to see if we make a good team. Get in touch by going to www.hopeserenity.ca and clicking contact or Ask Keith.
You might not need a cross, but we offer other things that will help you with your life journey.
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Are You a Duck?
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
For far too many years I saw myself as unique. I can look back today and say that my uniqueness could well have been terminal.
Today, I accept that I am a duck. I have unique featuring and features so that when you see me you’ll know who I am, but I am a duck. On the surface I appear calm. Below the surface I may be relaxed, but often I am paddling like hell!
I’ve learned as a duck all I can do is be the best duck I can be. For years I saw myself as a majestic eagle, yet those who truly knew me knew what I was. I will never be an eagle.
Thought to Ponder . . .I am unique, just like everyone else.
To many, talk about ducks may seem silly. It did to me at first. Yet reflect upon it and you may discover that despite being unique, you are just like most of us.
Want to escape uniqueness before it becomes fatal or takes away more than you care to lose? Talk with another duck!
I am happy with the person I am today with my good points and my defects. I am the only one put together by my higher power in the form I am in, yet in the big picture I remain a duck. I have to tell you, after ACCEPTING this fact and getting to understand how successful ducks think and act, and getting to really know why I so desired to be an eagle, I am extremely happy to be just me.
Feel like freely kicking this around? Respond through this site or through www.hopeserenity.ca. A thought that merits your comment!
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Are You a Cowboy or Indian? Cop or Robber?
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
When ever I go to a meeting and keep my ears open, I hear good and memorable stuff that make me remember and keep me humble.
I’m sure it’s not politically correct to talk about indigenous people as “Indians”, but fact of the matter, when I was a kid, we played cowboys and Indians. If it sounds better, then call it cops and robbers.
I heard someone today say that as a young person, he always played a cowboy but really knew inside he was an Indian.
Man, can I relate.
The next generation I think called it L-O-S-E-R.
No matter the handle, I grew up always feeling inside that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t belong. I always wanted to be the hero, but never cut it in my own head. Through a great journey full of great people-mentors, coaches, family, friends and groups- I transformed into a cowboy that I respect.
I have the pleasure of working with people both locally and on a global basis and watch them, through the unleashing of the power within them, turn into cowboys-whether it is in dealing with addictions, setting and reaching goals, building relationships or finding life purpose and awakening spiritually.
It’s great to be able to finally live your dream, and know you are doing what you were meant to do.
So are you ready to be a cowboy, the true and great person you were really intended to be?
Take that first step and allow yourself a BIG life!
END.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
-
-
EVALUATING COACHING:
50 pages packed with information you should know before you make any coaching career decisions!