Times of Reprogramming
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Life recovery is not all tiresome, unrewarded work. It is work. There are times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice what we have learned. There are times of change, times when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a particular problem.
These are the times when what we’ve been practicing in life recovery begins to show in our life. These times of change are intense but purposeful.
There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being “reprogrammed.” We start letting go of beliefs and behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar.
During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and needy – like we are on a journey without a road map or a flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this ground before. We are glad to have a coach to call upon.
We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We may not know where or if we are being led. We trust.
We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working His finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road too. We have been led to someone who can help us, someone who can help us find the markers we need.
We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold.
Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when we don’t understand it. We are right where we need to be in this process; we’re going through exactly what we need to experience. And where we’re going is better than any other place we’ve been.
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? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Unemployed Cross Builder Seeks Work
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Find this heading a little strange? One of the biggest issues I find people facing that I work with is the ongoing search for personal perfection. Can you relate?
Find this heading a little strange? Before I offend anyone of rigid Christian faith, it is not my intent. Please understand that my beliefs in a higher power are in keeping with the fundamentals of formal religions, but I do not profess to be of any religion. I respect all who gain strength from their faith.
I read a book called the BIBLE. Great stuff to be learnt in there. In the “New Testament” the central character is a man named Jesus Christ who was a marvelous teacher. The book also tells me HE was perfect.
His reward, a group who were afraid of his teachings and his perfection tried to kill him by nailing Him to a cross.
With so many people seeking perfection, and not readily knowing where to by a cross for those who succeed in the achievement of perfection, I thought there might be an opportunity to build crosses for perfect people. So far, I’m dramatically under employed; I haven’t had my first customer yet.
So if you know a truly perfect person who needs a cross, please send them my way. If you are trying to be perfect in every way, please keep my number close by and call when you need your cross-wood only!
I think you get the point. The search for perfection and expectation that it will happen may well kill you. In my own life, things turned around dramatically when I sought progress, not perfection. I will never be a customer for a cross, I can now accept that through being taught by others and an intimate relationship with myself, a higher power and many “teachers” that have been a part of my life. I may be able to build a cross; I’ll never be worthy to occupy one in a biblical sense.
Want to learn about you, and achieve more out of life with the talents within you, while accepting you’re not perfect? Want to learn how to accept your best is good enough? Want to reduce the amount you beat yourself up for not being perfect? Want to stop feeling that in some way you are a failure?
We can help. The “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery” uses proved spiritual foundations to help you build a foundation for the life you dream about. It works. We coach using it and are prepared to spend an hour with you on the phone to see if we make a good team. Get in touch by going to www.hopeserenity.ca and clicking contact or Ask Keith.
You might not need a cross, but we offer other things that will help you with your life journey.
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? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
What are the Kids Saying?
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
Kids’ whining, tantrums, lying, cheating, swearing, or stealing can stretch the most patient parents! What can we do about that?
As the saying goes, it’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. In other words, the best way to make tantrums and swearing louder is to give attention to them and curse them. If you join in, believe them, and argue with them, the intensity and frequency will rise, guaranteed. That’s probably not what you want.
Do you want to translate those messages so they’re easier to hear and find out what’s really going on? Do you want to co-create solutions to the problems rather than making them worse?
Trying to make these behaviours stop is like trying to direct the wind. Instead, explore the conflict first rather than fix it or make it into something else. Instead, shine your light on the heart of the matter and the essential message your kids are trying to say. You’ll know when your efforts are helping your child to learn when there is movement from angry to sad.
How to do that in 5 steps:
Step 1: Take a deep breath. Go ahead, take another because this isn’t easy.
Remind yourself: Cooling down helps us see the whole picture and creatively solve problems. Before cooling down, my child likely needs to vent just like I do sometimes. My child can sink into my loving arms. I am not a bad parent because my kids do these things. Most kids act this way from time to time. My kids are doing the best they can to communicate that they have unmet needs.
Step 2: Don’t take what your kids are doing personally. Do not fix anything at first. Rather than thinking about ’conflict resolution’, think of ‘conflict exploration’ with the emphasis on ‘exploration’. Now, how would you get into that space of curiosity and learning? Invite your kids to help you to understand the very important and valuable reasons why we do the things we do (i.e., our fundamental needs and that essential message I mentioned earlier).
Step 3: Everything we do and say is the best way we know how to meet our needs. Is your child feeling frustrated because something didn’t work out the way he wanted? These hard-to-hear behaviours are a request for help. Listening and silence are your best tools here.
Step 4: You know yourself and your kids best. Take a chance and make a guess out loud if it feels right. Do this to check that you understand what your child is reacting to. Did you understand them in the way they hoped? If not, check in again.
Step 5: When you both agree that you understand each other, you’ll notice a shift into sadness, a pause, and then to solving the problem in more effective ways than whining, tantrums, lying, cheating, swearing, or stealing. Take a minute to notice how each of you is changed by the dialogue. Do you have new ideas, a fresh perspective, or trust in each other?
These steps may happen over several minutes, hours, days, or weeks. Take your time.
Why would my child lie, cheat, or steal?
Lying, cheating, and stealing are relatively good options when you don’t want someone to know about what you’re doing. If we fear punishment and vulnerability, it may be the best we can do. Our children, just like us, have learned to do things without getting caught.
Following the above 5 steps and listening deeply to what is behind the message facilitates honesty, integrity, respect, and cooperation. When you seek to understand rather than fix what you believe is ‘wrong’ behaviour, you invite exploration and learning.
Two of my young children told me today what they enjoy in a “good mommy”. They said that they like to be free to say anything. So the next time you hear whining, tantrums, or stealing, choose to listen to what your kids are really saying instead of adding fuel to the fire, don’t try to fix anything. Seek to understand. Many times our children say and do things that are hard for us to figure out. When we take the time to be with them in loving comfort and understanding, we create deep connection and enriching relationships. In time, they may learn how to communicate more clearly and easily.
“It’s a life-long challenge developing ways to deal ‘with the mad that we feel’. Those who care for children early on by helping them develop loving healthy inner controls are offering them one of the great gifts of their lives.” Fred Rogers
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., MFCC, is a Master Family Communications Coach with training in Psychology, Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Circles, Collaborative Divorce, Grief and Bereavement, Reiki, and teaching. Her hands-on experience in transforming her own childhood violence into love motivates her to support other parents to create extraordinary family relationships. You can learn how to value everyone’s needs and work together, without giving up…and without giving in. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca for your free newsletter, gift, or coaching consultation..
Live Life With No Regrets
by Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C.
Have you ever lacked the drive or the motivation to finish a goal? I think we have all been there. I am sure that most of us started this year with hopes to change and upgrade only to find ourselves at the same point a month later. What is the tool needed to accomplish goals from the most simplistic to the hardest? Well, it all boils down to motivation and the source in which it comes from. I have been doing some research on motivation and how it functions in our everyday lives. I have found that motivation comes from one or two sources: Extrinsic (outside) or Intrinsic (inside).
Extrinsic motivation is when you are motivated by external factors, as opposed to the internal drivers of intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation compels you to do things for tangible rewards or pressures, rather than for the fun of it. Do you find yourself completing a goal just for what type of reward you will receive? These outside rewards can be anything from money to employment. Most of us find it easier to finish a goal when we have something tangible in sight.
Intrinsic motivation is when you are motivated by internal factors, as opposed to the external drivers of extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation compels you to do things just for the fun of it, or because you believe it is a good or right thing to do. There is a conflict of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is far stronger a motivator than extrinsic motivation, yet external motivation can easily act to displace intrinsic motivation. Most people’s hobbies are intrinsically motivated. Notice the passion with which people collect little bits of china or build model cars. Few people carry that amount of passion into their workplace.
What is the source of your motivation?
Philippians 3:14-15 – Message Bible: “So let’s keep focused on that Goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less then total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision – you’ll see it yet! Now that were on the right track, let’s stay on it.”
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? About the Author: Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C., is owner of The Total Makeover Company, LLC, working to help enhance your personal growth. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit The Total Makeover, LLC, on the web at www.thetotalmakeover.com
What is Your Objective? (Communication is more than words.)
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
When I spoke to one person I knew for many years, I was confused because my new skills seemed to help to end that relationship. I thought I was trying to resolve a conflict. I believed these skills didn’t work or I didn’t do them right. So I tried again around the same time when I spoke to my dying mother. These new skills helped us to deepen our connection and mutual understanding. We experienced unconditional love and it felt wonderful! Yet another time, I felt confused again when I tried to speak to my husband using the communication formula that I had just learned. He nearly had a fit and wondered what kind of therapy I was trying to pull over on him.
Same strategy and three different results…hmmm… Why?
I believe the difference was in my objectives, what I was aiming for at the time I chose to speak. For each relationship and each communication, I intended different things. At the same time, I put more faith in the strategies rather than in myself.
In the first example, I felt frustrated and ambiguous to change the situation. Concerned by my mother’s well-being and focused on spending more time with her before she died, my intention was on nurturing that relationship. In my heart, my care was elsewhere. It was not on the conflict with the other person. I just wanted the fighting to stop. In one way, it did.
In the second example with my mother, I wanted to deeply connect with her. Despite my clumsy interpretation of what I was learning at the time, love and understanding poured from my heart. My focus, and the results, were congruent again.
In the last example where I tried a new communication format with my husband, my intention was on the technique. I forgot about the dialogue, and I forgot to trust myself. No wonder he wanted the “real” me! I learned then (and I remind myself as often as I can) that authenticity, understanding, and my focus are more important than trying to “get it right”. As long as I have the objective to understand…to be curious rather than be right…then the words and actions I choose will likely lead me in that direction. The intention I have in my heart will likely lead me to where I want to go.
This is your coaching assignment for this week if you choose to accept it: Think of a challenge you have right now. Check in with yourself and your heart. Express yourself truthfully while respecting others’ needs to do the same. Seek to understand rather than being right.
“Communication works for those who work at it.” John Powell
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” Carl Jung
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., MFCC, is a Master Family Communications Coach with training in Psychology, Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Circles, Collaborative Divorce, Grief and Bereavement, Reiki, and teaching. Her hands-on experience in transforming her own childhood violence into love motivates her to support other parents to create extraordinary family relationships. You can learn how to value everyone’s needs and work together, without giving up…and without giving in. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca for your free newsletter, gift, or coaching consultation..
Window of Souls
by Daris Reno Blickman, M.S.L.C.
As I was a young child, those around me would say, she has such a lively spirit but still she has wisdom far beyond her years, where shall her spirit go.., is it free like the wind?
Spirits we all possess is the window of our soul, the glimpse of our nature and hearts for others to see. Is our spirit that reaches out to touch the others.
Some have spirits of peace, they are our blanket of comfort, we stand in their presence and feel as if the world can wait one more second, rush no more.
Some spirits gentle like the rain, the slow washing of our souls and leaving those of us in the presence feeling as if our hand has been held for the life time of friendship.
Others have spirits of energy, lights bouncing off the walls of time, standing close, you breathe in the need to charge ahead, nothing impossible, no time to wait.
Maybe you know one who has restless spirit, one whose path is well worn from the back and forth motion, spirits that need movement and seek constant paths that twist and turn, making some of us weary caught in their path.
Spirit of pain, heart burning in fire of emotions, turmoil within and sadness outside. Always seeking for the band aid that will cease the fire for a moment at a time.
Spirit of love, unconditional, is a rare one, one that gives to all spirits for they want all to be needed and feel whole, most of all valued.
Spirit of goodness, looking beyond our cracked glass and seeing the reflection of what could be within ourselves, offering their help for to cure our souls.
Spirit of anger, this spirit needs to destroy and seeks revenge for what ever they crime against them may be at any time. This spirit struggles with insecurities and usually destroys their soul, for they know not when to say enough and heal themselves.
Spirit of knowledge, they have wisdom from the other time, lessons leaned from past lives, the Great Spirit guides their soul, they seek to connect with the other spirits and show them the path that leads to their future,
And least but not forgotten, Free Spirit, one that guides itself through the winding path, one that has been given the gift to connect to all and knows not a boundary, Free Spirits seep into you heart and soul, they lift you up and help the wind to carry you down the path,
In all, we need spirits, we need our soul, to breath and eat the fruits of our souls, to connect, to give, to love and to be, not individuals but one, one wind, one song, one stand, one voice above the others in harmony,
It is these windows that we need to open to each other and bring the light unto our souls, spirits we have, spirits we share and souls we shall be.
END.
? About the Author: Ms. Daris Reno Blicknan, M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach. Daris is currently working with several Non Profits in the areas of disabilities, at risk teens and domestic violence issues. Daris is also a member of the Cherokee’s of Alabama and is involved with Public Relations work for the tribe. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
Curiosity Transforms Fear
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein
Watch a child examine a bug for the first time. What do you see?
Wide eyes looking closely, touching, tasting, and asking “what’s that?” or “what does it do?”
Curiosity is an emotion growing out of a need for exploration, investigation, and learning. We see it in many animals including humans. It’s an alert, energized state we experience when we want to learn more about something.
Curiosity is stimulated by something new, a puzzle, a riddle, a provocative question, and a desire to understand.
In that moment, nothing else matters but connection and understanding.
When that happens to me, I feel secure, playful, creative, energized, and fascinated. Do you?
Curiosity is easy when we experience something interesting and something we enjoy. What about those times when we don’t enjoy what we’re hearing, seeing, tasting, touching, smelling, or even thinking about? Without curiosity, we can feel frustrated, dreadful, angry, afraid, or insecure. I learned that our left mind analyzes the past, is fearful of the future, and has a tendency to be redundant. When we are judging right from wrong, analyzing, and making sense of the world, it is our left mind that is helping us out.
Curiosity, on the other hand, is a matter of attitude and choice. When we are curious, our right brain is engaged. Our right mind is adventurous, celebrates abundance, and brings new insights when old beliefs and behaviours no longer serve us.
Hard to believe? I used to think so too.
Then I learned that if I choose curiosity and understanding, I could change the way I responded, inviting others to feel curious too, and create new solutions that moved me past fear and anger. The more I do that, the more I want to learn ways to do it more!
I have learned that it’s easier to do when I’m rested and have focused attention. When is it easier for you to feel creative and curious?
“I define responsibility (response-ability) as the ability to choose how we respond to stimulation coming in through our sensory systems at any moment in time. Although there are certain limbic system (emotional) programs that can be triggered automatically, it takes less than 90 seconds for one of these programs to be triggered, surge through our body, and then be completely flushed out of our blood stream…Once triggered, the chemical release by my brain surges through my body and I have a physiological experience. Within 90 seconds from the initial trigger, the chemical component of my anger has completely dissipated from my blood and my automatic response is over. If, however, I remain angry after those 90 seconds have passed, then it is because I have chosen to let that circuit continue to run.” …“We have the power to chose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world.” Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.
Here’s your challenge for this week: What would it take for you to feel curious and playful about yourself, your world, and the people around you?
How would you shift to a state of curiosity in the face of discomfort, fear, or anger? Imagine talking to your left and right brains. What would each say?
END.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C. is a Certified Family Communications Coach. She supports compassionate communication, conflict resolution for all ages, and Collaborative Divorce. If you think your kids or partner are driving you nuts, then visit www.CompassionateSolutions.ca, sign up for your free newsletter and receive your gift: 10 Simple Actions you can do today to bring more peace into your life now! Wendy offers a free preview Coaching and Consultation Session for new clients and regular group coaching calls.
Dharma
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
Dharma is a Sanskrit concept meaning: each individual’s unique, ideal purpose in life, and the knowledge of how and where to find it. Dharma in simpler terms means to be you fully, to live in respect and to follow your own path while acknowledging the same in others. Knowing your dharma leads to knowing the answers to life’s big questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life? How do I fulfill and live my purpose? If you happen to know this, you are far ahead of the game. I do not know completely, but I do have a full understanding of what it means to allow dharma its full birth, in others and myself.
It is, as a coach, imperative to not judge someone else’s seeking or knowledge of self. My own fault is in how often I judge myself. How often do you judge yourself? I find it much easier to allow someone else their space to discover who and what they are. I have had to learn how to do this for myself. My job as a coach is to bring one closer to their dharmic self.
I found myself contemplating dharma with news from my hometown where a staggering number of teens have committed suicide recently. The people who have talked to me about it have really gotten lost in the ‘why’ of it. Suicide is an individual choice. Survival is a choice. Living is a choice. I know this might be hard to take for some of you, but it might just be that person’s dharmic purpose was to commit suicide.
What if:
* They came here to do that one act.
* They came here to be the sign for those around them to wake up, shift their purpose, or to make the changes in their life that puts them on the right path.
* Their soul was the only soul that knew exactly why they were to come here and leave here in such a manner.
Is it truly, on a soul level, any different from dying at 14 years old of cancer, or at 21 years old in an unexplainable car wreck?
If everything happens for a reason, who are we to question who, what, when, where or why of it? As for the ‘why’ it leads to nowhere it is an endless loop that truly may not be any of our business and letting go of the ‘why’ brings us closer to our dharma.
The point I want to recognize in talking about dharma is this: when we feel uneasy, we do not understand a situation, or we are left questioning the bigger picture, it is our dharmic right to ask these questions of our selves, but we are instantly off target to ask these questions for someone else’s life.
Dharma I believe is interlaced with love, if you truly love a person then you set them free to be exactly who they came here to be. You allow them to live their dharma just as you wish to live your own…in total abandon and freedom from explanation. There is no better place to practice this concept than in everyday life with everyone, even if you do not love everyone. Bless them and say a little prayer for their journey to fulfill their dharma.
END.
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Different Levels of Abilities
by Daris Reno Blickman, M.S.L.C.
Every morning, I do what most of us do, I go to work (after my friend the Coffee Cup pays me a visit, we would not want Daris drooling during the meetings, would we?).
Some days I dress up, to walk in the business world, other days I am in jeans and the oldest tee shirt I own, knee deep in dishes, window cleaners, even beer bottles for they need to be broken and discarded, sometimes I am rolling silverware, folding pizza boxes. Many days, I am dressed up and knocking on doors to find jobs for clients,
Really, what job would consist of such things, why would anyone want to take a job where everyday, you are at different place, learning new jobs, some fun and many tiring for the day becomes long,
I would, well in all honesty, I did not know that I would until a couple of years ago. My expertise is in PR/Networking, Fundraising for non profits, Event Planning. Why in the world would I want to learn how to fold a pizza box and why is that job even necessary, this is the question that many have asked me daily,
Let me tell you why,
A couple of years ago, my school district approached me, asked if I could help the high school students find jobs, they needed someone with Pr/Networking experience to help within the communities. Perfect job for me, Boy I was happy, put on my dancing shoes and off I went to check it out,
Imagine my surprise when I went to see my students, all with disabilities, from severe disabilities, not able to speak, move, or lift any item over one pound, that’s right, They needed a job. Others were autistic, down syndrome, some did not have any social skills, some had disorders plus medical problems such a cancer, seizures and one could not remember anything taught to him after five minutes, due to a brain trauma at birth, at risk youth who lived on the street, no one cared about them, so why should they care about themselves?
Talk about a challenge, of course I took it, I am educated somewhat in this area of disabilities also. I was very excited to have the opportunity to teach my students many things, Wrong Again,
For it was I that was taught more then I taught, here are the beautiful lessons that I learned along my journey.
First question, Why do we have a word such as Disabilities in the first place? Just put the Dis in any word that pertains to these individuals and negativity abounds everywhere,
I learned that there is are disabilities, but as individuals, we have Different levels of abilities within all of us, there are many talents to be discovered, hidden gems of knowledge that are well needed by the communities,
It was interesting to go out into our communities and try in my best PR voice explain why Johnny would do so well as an employee of their company, remember we cannot speak about what they cannot do because of physical and mentally limitations,
I had to create jobs many times and show the owners why this was needed, Then I had to bring in Johnny for the interview and many times pray that they would see his golden light shining through, for I did!
Which brings me back to the lessons, Joy, what joy they had when they realized that they had value to others, that someone believed they could do a job, and even pay them for doing this job, how many times I have seen these wonderful individuals do for free what others get paid to do, how unfair of this to still happen,
Love, what love they had for the other employees, the friendships, the bonding, and how they were included in the everyday conversations, how they were missed if they were ill and could not work that day,
Independence, a new meaning for the old word that we take for granted, I remember the day one of my students figured out what a paycheck meant, he could buy the stuffed animal that his sister had wanted, the happiness, he went and thanked the boss many times for the job, we could barely get him out of the store, Now he had memory problems and rarely remembered that he got a paycheck, still not many dry eyes every two weeks when they handed it to him, for we started all over again,
Which brings me to another lesson, Giving, for many gave their checks to the mothers, so that milk could be bought that week, there was little money in the family, or they took their checks and bought themselves a candy bar and spent the rest on others. I remember the first gift I received from one of my clients, I cried like a baby,
Which brings me to the last lesson for the day, To Be Humble, I thank the Creator for the greatest lesson taught to me. I humbled myself, for to teach any student a job, I had to learn it myself, thus, washing windows, throwing away beer bottles, cleaning bathrooms, taking in carts at stores, washing dishes, dusting the entire restaurant, hanging up clothes and being a greeter, just saying hello and goodbye to those entering/leaving the stores,
Now I have recently moved on to working with adults with different levels of abilities (Get it!). Many of my students still come through my office looking for jobs for they have left the high school and once again, I am blessed all over,
So next time you see someone that has different abilities then you, smile and remind yourself that they have lessons to teach all of us, They have value to give as well, we should thank the Great One for the gifts he has given to each of us, especially the ones with different levels of abilities, for if you think about it, we are one of them, our own abilities are just as different in their eyes,
Thank you Great One, may you continue to bless me with such lessons so that my spirit will grow and I shall stay true to my path.?
END.
? About the Author: Ms. Daris Reno Blicknan, M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach. Daris is currently working with several Non Profits in the areas of disabilities, at risk teens and domestic violence issues. Daris is also a member of the Cherokee’s of Alabama and is involved with Public Relations work for the tribe. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
Ego and the Addictive Mind
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
While many people do not realize it…they are addicted…to something. I think that it would be great to really stop and investigate what in your life is stopping you, is it a ritual, is it obsessive thinking, is it living in the past or thinking always in a past tense, is it chocolate or coffee or cookies, is it alcohol, or is it your God?
The only way to know is to identify a ritualistic thing you do and try to let it go…see what the challenge becomes. Can you let it go? Can you live without it?
A few years ago I found out that I was addicted to mind chatter, I was constantly in my head talking to myself…this only became a problem when the voice in my head wouldn’t listen or shut up…thus causing severe anxiety and insomnia.
The one thing I realized was that all I needed to do was SHUT-UP; easier said than done. The ego liked having control over my mind so getting it into the background again instead of the foreground of my mind became an obsession all in of itself. It was Tolle’s “The Power of Now” that did it for me.
I started practicing conscious breathing, as this is the first and easiest way to get into the NOW. The effects were immediate; oxygen to the brain is an amazing thing.
So what are you addicted too and can you stop yourself?
How much do you do as an excuse to avoid living?
END.
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Enhancing Creativity Skills
by Evie Harrison, C.L.C., M.S.L.C.
Learning how to be creative is actually a little challenging to digest since some creative people are just born that way – they can immediately write, draw, paint, act without even trying too hard to succeed at it. And in some cases if you are born into parents who are writers or parents who are artists, then there is a greater chance that you might inherit all of these wonderful talents.
There are, however, some people who don’t draw, write, or act inherently well, but would like to enhance these skills. On the other end of the spectrum, there are also some writers, artists, painters, cartoonists who already dabble at these and still would like to enhance or improve them. This only confirms the idea that there is always room for improvement, no matter how much of an expert you are.
The thing is, it only takes so much to enhance these skills. And quite ironically, most of these are developed not with a pencil, a coloring book, or a crayon, but with taking a look at your surroundings and observing the people that you associate with everyday (including your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers or school mates).
Observing these people or things actually makes you take notice of the minute facts and details. It gives the painter an idea of what color the skin tone is, gives the illustrator an image of the correct shape of a neighbor’s face, gives the writer a picture of how his co-worker interacts with other workmates.
When all of these are put together, creative enhancement, based on inspiration, is bound to take shape. By observing others, one develops a greater sense and understanding of events and occurrences. This is what helps you deepen your approach and make your products more relevant and meaningful.
In dealing with creativity skills, there are no rules and regulations. Instead, the effect would be free flowing. Don’t limit yourself, and have the courage to take risks and try things out. Mix and match all those colors, play with words, develop something awesome out of the ordinary, continuously create and invent, even if at first it seems silly. After all, creativity is not just confined in the classrooms, but is actually felt and experienced. And the fact that every masterpiece bears the subjectiveness of its creator makes you all the more free to do just anything you want, in any way you so wish.
There is no right or wrong answer to boosting creativity, so you don’t have to be scared of failing. In fact, the upside to failing the first time is that you get multiple opportunities to try again. Who knows, you might discover something new and more interesting along the way. Just go do what you feel like doing, let your surroundings guide you, and watch your ideas flourish.
END.
? About the Author: Evie Harrison, C.L.C., M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach who specializes in Career Coaching within the private sector. Evie has been a long-time graduate and friend of Express Coaching™ and we appreciate her return to our newsletter. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
Finding the Courage to Effectively Lead
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
We all face hardships at some point in our lives. Some of us own responsibility and get on with our lives while most of us blame others. When you own responsibility for yourself you empower yourself. You are the cause and your life experiences are the results in your life. You determine the direction of your life. You are in control of your life.
If you are not able to explain why your life is as it is, you are probably giving your power away to someone else, are you? Most of us tend to blame something else or someone else or our fate for all bad experiences in our life such as abusive childhood, loss of a loved one or broken relationships. When you are not in control of yourself or your life that means you are powerless. Blaming is a disempowering emotion.
If you think by blaming others for your life you are getting away from problems you are completely wrong. Your life problems would stay the same and recur again and again as long as you make someone else responsible for your life. You give others power to control you and your life. So your life problems would tend to stay the way they are until you take back your power and claim full responsibility for your emotions, actions and life as a whole.
True empowerment is taking responsibility for your life so that you are free to do whatever you want to do and be anything you choose to be.
Here are 4 tips to empower you:
1) Make your own choices – Life is full of choices and you have the freedom to choose. You learn only through trial and error. Be bold and accept the outcome of your decisions. If your choice is correct, be happy. If not do not blame yourself or others. Instead, analyze where you went wrong and correct yourself. The next time around, you may be able to make the right choices.
2) Practice deep breathing – If you make it a habit to practice deep breathing throughout the day, you would have clarity in your thoughts. You feel more relaxed to think clearly and make good judgments of your situations.
3) Feel grateful – Gratitude is something we never show for many things we enjoy in our life. Instead of cursing your problems look around you and realize how blessed you are to have nature bestow you good health, sunshine, food, good relationships, fresh air, etc. When you feel grateful for these things you are convinced that life is not bad at all.
4) Develop mental awareness – Observe your thoughts. Are they good or bad? Are they positive or negative? If your thoughts are positive it is good. You could act on them with positive results. What if you have negative thoughts? You could still control them if you are aware of them. Empower yourself by being aware of your good and bad thoughts.
When you deal with your own pains and pleasures you are the controller of your life. Just know that no one else could take away your power to control your life and events because you are the master of your destiny.
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
12 Tips to be Happy
by Evie Harrison, C.L.C., M.S.L.C.
As we move into the 2009 we find that the more things change the more they stay the same. People are worried all the time about every little thing in life. Come to think of it, is it really worth it? If you could change things around would you?. And if you could not, the best way forward is to accept it and move on with life. Remember, we cannot control anyone else’s thoughts, feelings or actions. Not even through the power of metaphysical thought or by using the Law of Attraction. So here I offer a way forward.
Try to be cheerful and happy and soon you would realize that life is not that bad at all. But how could one be happy? Here are some great tips that teach you to be happy. Read on but promise to pass it on to others.
· Understand that simple things such as a bird’s song, cool air, sunshine, etc. could make you happy.
· Mingle with happy people – mix with those who are merry and joyous. You could catch it on if you have an open mind and spread it around you.
· Do not dwell in self-pity – wallowing in self-pity lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence. If you could take action be quick to correct troubling situations. If it is beyond you, you may just forget it and carry on your life with a happy outlook. Who knows what is in store for you in future? Be hopeful instead of drowning yourself in self-pity
· Love yourself – if you cannot love yourself it is difficult to love others.
· Laugh at adversity – who does not have problems in life? When you laugh at your difficulties, you would realize they become insignificant and you feel lighter
· Be healthy – good health is a great factor in making you happy.
· Believe that you deserve happiness – believe that happiness is your birthright and you deserve to be happy. It is after all your choice and no body could take it away from you if you choose to stick on to it.
· Engage in different kinds of activities than your usual routine – breaking the routine sometimes makes life interesting. Look into ways of changing your routing and you may enjoy it.
· Choose to be happy – you have the ability to take positive or negative approach to your issues. If you choose a positive approach, happiness is easy to reach.
· Develop a sense of gratitude – whenever you feel that you lack something in life remember all those things that you have in your life you could be thankful for such as a roof over your head, a decent family, your physical and personal strengths, etc. This should make you happy for what you have in your life.
· Avoid negativism – fill yourself with positivism that would make you see life in new colors and shades. You would see life with new eyes and bubbling energy. That is happiness.
· Learn to laugh at yourself – this is an excellent approach to life. Everyone makes mistakes. Your errors are only bad if you take them seriously. Just laugh at yourself if you err and your heart would lighten up.
Remember, it does not cost you a penny to be happy. Your life and the choices you make are all up to you. The power rests in your hands. Isn’t that reason enough to be happy?
END.
? About the Author: Evie Harrison, C.L.C., M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach who specializes in Career Coaching within the private sector. Evie has been a long-time graduate and friend of Express Coaching™ and we appreciate her return to our newsletter. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
4-Tips to Empower Yourself
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
We all face hardships at some point in our lives. Some of us own responsibility and get on with our lives while most of us blame others. When you own responsibility for yourself you empower yourself. You are the cause and your life experiences are the results in your life. You determine the direction of your life. You are in control of your life.
If you are not able to explain why your life is as it is, you are probably giving your power away to someone else, are you? Most of us tend to blame something else or someone else or our fate for all bad experiences in our life such as abusive childhood, loss of a loved one or broken relationships. When you are not in control of yourself or your life that means you are powerless. Blaming is a disempowering emotion.
If you think by blaming others for your life you are getting away from problems you are completely wrong. Your life problems would stay the same and recur again and again as long as you make someone else responsible for your life. You give others power to control you and your life. So your life problems would tend to stay the way they are until you take back your power and claim full responsibility for your emotions, actions and life as a whole.
True empowerment is taking responsibility for your life so that you are free to do whatever you want to do and be anything you choose to be.
Here are 4 tips to empower you:
1) Make your own choices – Life is full of choices and you have the freedom to choose. You learn only through trial and error. Be bold and accept the outcome of your decisions. If your choice is correct, be happy. If not do not blame yourself or others. Instead, analyze where you went wrong and correct yourself. The next time around, you may be able to make the right choices.
2) Practice deep breathing – If you make it a habit to practice deep breathing throughout the day, you would have clarity in your thoughts. You feel more relaxed to think clearly and make good judgments of your situations.
3) Feel grateful – Gratitude is something we never show for many things we enjoy in our life. Instead of cursing your problems look around you and realize how blessed you are to have nature bestow you good health, sunshine, food, good relationships, fresh air, etc. When you feel grateful for these things you are convinced that life is not bad at all.
4) Develop mental awareness – Observe your thoughts. Are they good or bad? Are they positive or negative? If your thoughts are positive it is good. You could act on them with positive results. What if you have negative thoughts? You could still control them if you are aware of them. Empower yourself by being aware of your good and bad thoughts.
When you deal with your own pains and pleasures you are the controller of your life. Just know that no one else could take away your power to control your life and events because you are the master of your destiny.
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
5 Key Points to Building Self-Esteem
by Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C.
A major key to building self-esteem and developing a healthy body image is loving who you are. I know, it is easier said than done. This is a hard task when you are constantly inundated with negative thoughts and feelings about you. Getting to a healthy self-esteem or body image will not happen overnight. Just like anything else it will take some work, but it can be accomplished.
The first thing you need to do is stop the pity party. You know what I am talking about those moments that you sit, cry and complain about what’s not right. You make your own happiness. What I mean by that is you have a choice to be happy or sad. You can choose to waddle in self pity or you can pick yourself up and move forward. It is your choice.
The second thing is change your speech or the things you say about yourself. When you look into the mirror what do you see? Is the first thing that pops into your head something negative? Is the first thing you say something negative about the way you look? Stop! It is time to focus on the positive things, the good attributes. Focus on what you like and build from there.
The third thing you can do is love on yourself. Do something that makes you feel good. Pamper yourself, take a nature walk, whatever it is make sure it is something you love and enjoy doing. This not only makes you feel good, it also shows everyone else that you love yourself and take pride in who you are.
The fourth thing you should do is surround yourself with positive people. Build a support network. These are people that have your best interest at hand. Your support network can consist of family and friends that will build you up and encourage you when you are down. They will tell you the truth in love so that you continue to grow as a person. This is important and key to your transformation.
The fifth thing is understanding that everything is a process. These things will not fall into place overnight. You have to work at them. If you have a bad day, don’t go back to the pity parties. Remember tomorrow is a new day and you can start over. Don’t give up!
END.
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? About the Author: Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C., is owner of The Total Makeover Company, LLC, working to help enhance your personal growth. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit The Total Makeover, LLC, on the web at www.thetotalmakeover.com.
Did You Know You Are Already Abundant?
by Gary Glasscock, M.L.C., M.S.L.C.
Now after reading the title of this article, you might wonder about my sanity. You might be saying to yourself, “Yeah right, I am already abundant. So where’s it at?”
Well, the short answer is, right in front of you. That’s right, your abundance stares you in the face, each and every day, but if you are like most people, they never even see it.
You see, if you live in pretty much ANY industrialized nation, you have so much abundance at your fingertips already, that to some people it would seem outrageous for you to claim otherwise. It’s all in your perspective – and by the time you’ve finished reading this, I hope that perspective has changed.
Let me tell you about people in Bangladesh. I’m sure you wondering, “What has Bangladesh got to do with Abundance?” Just read on and you will soon see. Fist off, according to the Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics, as of July 2008 the average income is $589. That’s annual income.
How many of us in the developed world could even think about living on $589 a year? One rickshaw driver was quoted about his income and he states he makes about 6,000 taka a month. Just so you know, that’s about $86, which means his annual income would be just $1,032.
How many of you would be able to even think of living on $1,032 a year, much less actually do it? Could you live on $1,032 a year? I guess I could, although I would imagine that I would only be able to do so if I moved to the woods somewhere and set up camp, but really, even that’s a luxury to the people of Bangladesh.
The thing is, this rickshaw driver is living above the average for Bangladesh, so he would probably be seen as doing very well for himself. But seriously, think about it for a minute, what all do you have around you already? How did you acquire all this stuff? I’m sure it didn’t just magically appear out of nowhere, you had to go out and get it.
Now, here’s where it gets good. If you weren’t already abundant to begin with, you wouldn’t have been able to go out and get any of that stuff! Zip, nada, nothing is what you would have if you weren’t already abundant.
One of the best things to help you see your own abundance is to do something that we’ve heard people say many times before, and that is “count your blessings.”
That’s right, daily examine your life and take stock of all that you do have already.
• Are you healthy?
• Do you have a source of income?
• Do you have a home?
• Do you have a spouse of significant other?
• Did you see the sun shining this morning?
I could go on and on asking you a bunch of questions, but really, you need to be asking yourself these things already. And daily at that!
As you count your blessings every day, always express true, heartfelt gratitude for each and every thing, person, pet, whatever, you have in your life. Once you start doing these two things, your perspective will change and you will see that you are truly already abundant!
END.
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About the Author: Gary Glasscock, M.C.L.C., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Training Officer of Quest Coach Training™ and a working life coach. Gary specializes in working with individuals to regain control of their lives as well as live a more peaceful, abundance filled life. The power of Gary’s work goes far beyond the search for your own abundance – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website at www.manifestingyourlife.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Are You a Duck?
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
For far too many years I saw myself as unique. I can look back today and say that my uniqueness could well have been terminal.
Today, I accept that I am a duck. I have unique featuring and features so that when you see me you’ll know who I am, but I am a duck. On the surface I appear calm. Below the surface I may be relaxed, but often I am paddling like hell!
I’ve learned as a duck all I can do is be the best duck I can be. For years I saw myself as a majestic eagle, yet those who truly knew me knew what I was. I will never be an eagle.
Thought to Ponder . . .I am unique, just like everyone else.
To many, talk about ducks may seem silly. It did to me at first. Yet reflect upon it and you may discover that despite being unique, you are just like most of us.
Want to escape uniqueness before it becomes fatal or takes away more than you care to lose? Talk with another duck!
I am happy with the person I am today with my good points and my defects. I am the only one put together by my higher power in the form I am in, yet in the big picture I remain a duck. I have to tell you, after ACCEPTING this fact and getting to understand how successful ducks think and act, and getting to really know why I so desired to be an eagle, I am extremely happy to be just me.
Feel like freely kicking this around? Respond through this site or through www.hopeserenity.ca. A thought that merits your comment!
END.
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? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Brain Dump, or Brain Pump?
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
We’ve all felt emotionally drained, physically down, or even the opposite of those. We’ve felt on top of the world where we felt like nothing could stop us or hold us back. What if you knew the reason for the back and forth feeling of emotional and physical pendulum? You knew there had to be a reason, right?
If you could know why you were feeling physically down or emotionally drained, would you feel more empowered and take action to fix it? Definitely! Well, get ready to start taking action, because below are the reasons why most of us feel the way we do AND how we can turn our brains into the way we want to feel all the time.
The fact of the matter is we get ‘down’ sometimes because we lack stimulation. We lack it in all areas of our lives. If you compare our physical, mental and emotional output now to even 15 years ago, we’ve reduced efforts drastically. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.
With technology at our fingertips pointing at us every direction we go, there is no need for physical exertion or to even think as much as we used to. Everything is becoming ‘dumbed down’ and ‘comfort created’ we have become pampered to the point of pitiful. And all these luxuries and pampering are causing us to stay in – away from others – more than ever before. Never before have you been able to live in the midst of hundreds of people and not even know your next door neighbor’s name.
So, assuming you want to lift your spirits and feel better all the time – compared to how you feel most of the time – let’s look at some solutions.
Exercise Effects Your Brain
Now you may be saying, “No kidding! I’ve known that for years!”
Good! At least you’re willing to admit that it’s a fact. But you may not have realized that just recently scientist have learned that some form of regular exercise – or even just thinking about exercise my mentally practicing it – is beneficial on wife variety of daily activities.
Dr. V. Reggie Edgerton from the University of California at Los Angeles claims that research is showing that regular exercise is having a benefiting effect in how the brain functions. Research further shows, with regular exercise, the brains ability to reduce symptoms of depression.
Reading Effects Your Brain
In July 31, 2007 issue of Neurology Magazine, doctor’s mention a study that was performed by those would be considered less educated – academically – but, because of years of reading, they have helped their brains develop, what doctors call, a cognitive reserve. Cognitive reserve is a benefit to the individual from a health prospective and has also found to help shield people from the effects of certain kinds of brain injuries.
Being Friendly and Having Friends Effects Your Brain
If you interact on a personal level with others around you, chances are you’ll develop some solid relationships. Did you know, by doing this, you’re potentially protecting yourself from forms of dementia – including Alzheimers?
Dr. David A. Bennett headed a study, the first of its kind, to determine the relationship between social networks and Alzheimers disease pathology. Dr. Bennett stated, “Our findings suggests that social networks are related to something that offers a ‘protective reserve’ capacity that spares them the clinical manifestations of Alzheimer’s disease.”
All three of these examples are remarkable. They’re not theory. They’re clinical and scientifically valid. There’s your answer. There are three areas to work on to improve your quality of life.
Exercise, Reading and just being more social can:
1. improve your mood and energy
2. improve your overall health physically
3. improve and drastically protect you from mental diseases
This is just a few of the things that have recently been tested and discovered. Imagine what’s waiting out there that we haven’t even found out yet. One thing’s for sure. There will definitely be more benefits to our quality of life just from these three examples.
Now go read or run or something!
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Overcoming the Challenges of Connection in Family Relationships
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
I read somewhere that our families push our buttons because they put them there. Family relationships provide the best catalyst for personal growth because all our beliefs, attachments, feelings, needs, strengths, and limitations will be challenged.
“Human relationships are the perfect tool for sanding away our rough edges and getting at the core of divinity within us.” Eknath Easwaran
Sometimes we’re afraid to connect with our kids or spouse because they may say something that triggers our guilt, sadness, or pain. Other times when we genuinely seek to connect, the other person perceives it as interrogation or therapy. Perhaps we dread having a difficult conversation because “it always ends up the same way”. This can be especially true for parents seeking divorce, enduring a stressful or transitional time, grieving from the death of a loved one, or becoming a parent after a significant painful event. Some of us worry that we’re “bad parents” or we don’t want to cause our children pain. Is it a fear, “maybe I won’t measure up to the latest parenting advice”? Is it a fear of not being able to be heard or effectively advocate for ourselves. Limiting beliefs can lead us to feel sensitive and want to defend ourselves.
Here are 10 tips to Overcome the Challenges of Connection in Family Relationships. This list is definitely not exhaustive. Continue to add to it by examining all the conditions that support connection so that you can do more of that every day.
1.
No one is perfect. Even the best parents, spouses, and communicators make mistakes. We all make mistakes even when we’re doing our best.
2.
You’ve already had so much success in your life. Begin to notice all the ways that you meet your needs. Look at what you’ve managed to accomplish so far! Whatever comes along, you can find the resources you need to solve any problem and manage any feeling.
3.
Sometimes all we need is to grieve a loss (e.g., separation, death, disappointment) with someone there to listen to us. That’s all.
4.
Whatever anyone says, don’t take it personally. Criticism is the expression of unmet needs and painful feelings. What we feel is our response to the world. The world doesn’t cause our pain. There are as many sides to a story as there are people perceiving the event. If you offer empathy and your spouse says (as mine did), “Don’t talk to me that way!” then perhaps he’s looking for reassurance of authentic connection and trust. Hear the needs, not the criticism, and you’ll likely get the connection you’re looking for.
5.
Many of us feel overwhelmed by painful feelings and want to make them go away. Feelings are our bodies way of informing us of our needs. The best way to meet our needs is to welcome and listen to our feelings without judgment. When you still find this difficult, seek the help of someone who is willing to witness and listen.
6.
Family life means change. Change involves grief. Grief involves feeling and integrating. Give yourself time to integrate new circumstances.
7.
Listen to your children even when what they say is hard to hear. Learn to feel comfortable living outside your comfort zone for awhile until you understand what’s at the heart of the matter. The initial discomfort will pass as you understand and integrate new information.
8.
Talk about things that are troubling you even when you feel uncomfortable. Most things left unspoken and hidden will cause conflict at some point.
9.
Don’t criticize your spouse in front of your kids or tell everyone what you think of so-and-so. Taking care of yourself and your needs is about discerning who to tell and when. If you’re having trouble with your spouse, talk with him or her directly after getting clear about what you’re feeling and needing. Speak with a trusted friend, coach, or therapist first so that you can articulate yourself clearly and advocate for you needs effectively.
10.
Laugh at yourself. When your kids call each other “stupid”, share times when you were stupid too. I can think of lots of times when I was stupid, lazy, smart, fast, slow…and none of those times defined who I am. Admit when you make mistakes, laugh, and do a “do-over”.
END.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., MFCC, is a Master Family Communications Coach with training in Psychology, Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Circles, Collaborative Divorce, Grief and Bereavement, Reiki, and teaching. Her hands-on experience in transforming her own childhood violence into love motivates her to support other parents to create extraordinary family relationships. You can learn how to value everyone’s needs and work together, without giving up…and without giving in. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca for your free newsletter, gift, or coaching consultation..
Learning to Concentrate and Focus
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
No matter who you are or what your occupation may be, you will need to learn how to concentrate and focus. You could be a student, or an office worker, or even someone involved in manual labor such as a construction worker but one thing is sure – you will need to devote time and energy to concentration and focus on your occupation.
But first of all, just what is concentration? Concentration is defined as deep mental application towards something. If you are concentrating on something, you devote all your attention to it.
So, what is the difference between concentration and focus?
Focus would be the level of concentration you practice at something. So you could be concentrating on something but perhaps not be focused on it. If you were really interested in that object or person, and devoted all of your concentration on it, it can be said that you are focused.
So how do you learn to focus (meaning you improve the level of your concentration)?
First, you have to accept that there are two types of individuals out there. You could be the type that has learned how to deal with frustration or you could be the type that has not. If you believe you are the former yet find it hard to finish the task you are working on – remember, you can still do more than what you believe you can do. This means really pushing yourself to develop mental stamina by going beyond the point of frustration. Just keep working despite the feeling that you want to give up and you will develop mental endurance.
Second, if you have a tendency to become scatterbrained, try bribing your mind. Do one task at a time but impose time limits – this will prevent your mind from focusing on other less important tasks.
Third, if you still can’t seem to focus, write down your concerns on a to-do list. This allows you to free some space in your mind for immediate concerns, rather than use your mind as a bulletin board.
Last, you have to fight the urge to procrastinate. If you have a task to do, and you want to postpone it, ask yourself: Should I do this? If I do it, will I keep worrying about it? If I postpone it, will it be easier to do later? By asking yourself those 3 key questions, you gain the motivation to mentally apply yourself towards finishing your goal.
for now,
Randin
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Conflict Exploration
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc.
Most people dread arguments and “silent treatments”. Conflict involves at least two people committed to their side of the story and are afraid that their needs won’t get met. Many people believe their only choices are to give up their power and stay silent, or fight. In either case, resolution isn’t happening. Instead, our energy is distracted by blaming, judging, and criticizing. If we choose to focus our thoughts on who’s right or wrong, we risk eroding trust and open communication. Hostility replaces goodwill and creativity. There are effective ways to find compassionate solutions to everyday challenges. There is a win-win solution that empowers us, maintains dignity, and creates more cooperation and respect with each other.
“Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who is not obsessed with being right?” Wayne W. Dyer
Best Practices for Conflict Exploration in 4 Steps
Rather than focus on ‘resolution’, focus on ‘exploration’, learning, and understanding. When you choose that consciousness, you invite curiosity and creativity.
Step 1: Take a deep, calming breath or a break. Prepare yourself to understand by putting yourself into the other person’s story and ask lots of questions.
Step 2: Don’t take what anyone says or does personally.
Everything we do and say is an attempt to meet our needs. Try not to fix anything. Instead, explore the very important and valuable reasons we do the things we do. Imagine each story from a third person’s perspective.
Step 3: What is everyone’s story, how are you reacting to that, and what values are important to you about those stories? Understand and value everyone’s different perspectives. Make sure you are also understood and valued fully.
Step 4: When you both know that you understand each others’ points of view, you’ll notice a shift to lightness and resolution. When everyone has had their say and is fully heard and understood, allow everyone’s natural creative resources to co-create a mutually satisfying solution.
“The more we hear them, the more they’ll hear us.”
“I’ve learned that I enjoy human beings more if I don’t hear what they think…only hearing what’s going on in their hearts and not getting caught up with the stuff in their heads.” Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD.
If you are willing to explore conflict, hear everyone’s story and get to be heard too, the process of resolution looks pretty much the same although the end result is unknown from the beginning. Conflict can strengthen our relationships rather than pull them apart.
“The secret of life is three words: change through relationship.” J. Krishnamurti
“True wisdom is realizing that we know nothing and being open to discover, moment by moment.” Naomi Aldort.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., is a Family Relationship Life Coach who specializes in Conflict Resolution, Communication Skills, and Collaborative Divorce for progressive parents who want to value all our needs no matter how old we are. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca to find out how the gift of conflict can strengthen your relationships and enjoy a FREE Introductory Coaching Session and Consultation. Subscribe to her FREE newsletter and receive your gift: 10 Simple Actions you can do today to bring more peace into your life now!
Cooperation
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
“Would you just do what I ask!?” Have you heard that before? I also hear about how uncooperative kids are and “If I could only get my kids to co-operate, then I’d be happy!”
When my parents used to tell me, “do what I say, not what I do”, I felt unsettled. Maybe, I felt confused. I can’t really remember. I do remember that I sometimes felt resentful and did what they said anyway just to get them off my backs and avoid punishment. Knowing now how much they loved me, I’m certain they wished I felt more joy. They didn’t know about partnership parenting. Instead, I’m sure they hoped to have power over me like many parents of their time. Today, I seek to invite everyone in my family to co-operate out of joy and contribution rather than resentment and avoidance.
So, I ask, what does “co-operate” mean?
co-operate: the act of working together, especially for mutual benefit
Co = together
Operate = to do something
If I demand that my children do what I say, without question, this is not inviting them to work together. There is no “co” in co-operate if I’m just telling my children what to do.
Recently, my oldest daughter expressed her dissatisfaction about cleaning up the bedroom “all by herself again”. Can you hear the long sigh? I could see that she wanted company and co-operation. I went in to the room and invited the other kids to help clean up. In a few minutes, the room was cleaned and we all had some fun while we did it.
Another time, I asked the kids to clean the living room while I cleaned the kitchen. One child asked me, “why should we clean up the living room when you’re not doing anything?” I checked in with him that co-operation was important. I shared with him what I was envisioning: that we were sharing the tasks of cleaning two rooms. I asked if he preferred to do the dishes and sweeping while I cleaned the living room and he said that he preferred to do the living room. The rooms were cleaned shortly afterwards with no hassle.
It would seem that cooperation is important for all of us. I think our children, like us, need reassurance from time to time that we’re not alone and that we’re here to help each other.
Sometimes, I specifically ask for obedience. When we’re heading out the door quickly or doing something that I don’t want to stop because it will impact other members of the family in ways we won’t enjoy, then I ask that we move forward and take the time to negotiate or talk about what needs are not met after there is obedience.
I don’t do this often. Maybe less than 5% of the time. Sometimes, we ask our children to do what we say for the sake of safety or ease. I’ve learned that kids raised in a home where partnerships are valued speak out when their needs are not met. This speaking out takes some adults off guard. Please do not mistake self-advocacy for being disrespectful or uncooperative. These children generally trust that their needs matter and when it really counts, we’ll be there to respect their needs as equal to our own. My older kids (7 and 10) understand now that group momentum and compliance is easier for all of us sometimes.
Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Imagine someone demanding that you be co-operative…which is short-hand for obedience. You may have a boss or teacher like that. You probably don’t enjoy it. Everyone needs choice and to matter. The same is true for children.
Frankly, if you want your children to be cooperative, then be co-operative. Children learn to co-operate by living with co-operative adults. Co-operation works both ways. Gandhi invited us to be the change we want to see in the world. “What we are teaches the child far more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become.” Joseph Chilton Pearce.
Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson in Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids writes this about using power-over with children: “Parents with this orientation spend a lot of their time lecturing, advising, arguing, analyzing, and, in what ever ways, trying to manage the behavior of their children to fit a set of expectations they accept as the right and only way to do things…using phrases like you have to, you must, you ought to, and you should.”
If you want parenting to be easier, don’t spend one minute trying to make your children do what you think they should do. Aim for co-operation instead. People will follow through with agreements if they are do-able and they are motivated. We can’t motivate people. Motivation comes from within. What we can do is figure out what will motivate people to keep their commitments and do that.
What do you notice when you or someone you know spends their time policing their kids to be sure they’re doing what they’re told?
What does co-operation look like for you? Name one thing you can do this week to put “co” into co-operation?
END.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C. is a Certified Family Communications Coach. She supports compassionate communication, conflict resolution for all ages, and Collaborative Divorce. If you think your kids or partner are driving you nuts, then visit www.CompassionateSolutions.ca, sign up for your free newsletter and receive your gift: 10 Simple Actions you can do today to bring more peace into your life now! Wendy offers a free preview Coaching and Consultation Session for new clients and regular group coaching calls.
Are You a Cowboy or Indian? Cop or Robber?
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
When ever I go to a meeting and keep my ears open, I hear good and memorable stuff that make me remember and keep me humble.
I’m sure it’s not politically correct to talk about indigenous people as “Indians”, but fact of the matter, when I was a kid, we played cowboys and Indians. If it sounds better, then call it cops and robbers.
I heard someone today say that as a young person, he always played a cowboy but really knew inside he was an Indian.
Man, can I relate.
The next generation I think called it L-O-S-E-R.
No matter the handle, I grew up always feeling inside that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t belong. I always wanted to be the hero, but never cut it in my own head. Through a great journey full of great people-mentors, coaches, family, friends and groups- I transformed into a cowboy that I respect.
I have the pleasure of working with people both locally and on a global basis and watch them, through the unleashing of the power within them, turn into cowboys-whether it is in dealing with addictions, setting and reaching goals, building relationships or finding life purpose and awakening spiritually.
It’s great to be able to finally live your dream, and know you are doing what you were meant to do.
So are you ready to be a cowboy, the true and great person you were really intended to be?
Take that first step and allow yourself a BIG life!
END.
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? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Curiosity Transforms Fear
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein
Watch a child examine a bug for the first time. What do you see?
Wide eyes looking closely, touching, tasting, and asking “what’s that?” or “what does it do?”
Curiosity is an emotion growing out of a need for exploration, investigation, and learning. We see it in many animals including humans. It’s an alert, energized state we experience when we want to learn more about something.
Curiosity is stimulated by something new, a puzzle, a riddle, a provocative question, and a desire to understand.
In that moment, nothing else matters but connection and understanding.
When that happens to me, I feel secure, playful, creative, energized, and fascinated. Do you?
Curiosity is easy when we experience something interesting and something we enjoy. What about those times when we don’t enjoy what we’re hearing, seeing, tasting, touching, smelling, or even thinking about? Without curiosity, we can feel frustrated, dreadful, angry, afraid, or insecure. I learned that our left mind analyzes the past, is fearful of the future, and has a tendency to be redundant. When we are judging right from wrong, analyzing, and making sense of the world, it is our left mind that is helping us out.
Curiosity, on the other hand, is a matter of attitude and choice. When we are curious, our right brain is engaged. Our right mind is adventurous, celebrates abundance, and brings new insights when old beliefs and behaviours no longer serve us.
Hard to believe? I used to think so too.
Then I learned that if I choose curiosity and understanding, I could change the way I responded, inviting others to feel curious too, and create new solutions that moved me past fear and anger. The more I do that, the more I want to learn ways to do it more!
I have learned that it’s easier to do when I’m rested and have focused attention. When is it easier for you to feel creative and curious?
“I define responsibility (response-ability) as the ability to choose how we respond to stimulation coming in through our sensory systems at any moment in time. Although there are certain limbic system (emotional) programs that can be triggered automatically, it takes less than 90 seconds for one of these programs to be triggered, surge through our body, and then be completely flushed out of our blood stream…Once triggered, the chemical release by my brain surges through my body and I have a physiological experience. Within 90 seconds from the initial trigger, the chemical component of my anger has completely dissipated from my blood and my automatic response is over. If, however, I remain angry after those 90 seconds have passed, then it is because I have chosen to let that circuit continue to run.” …“We have the power to chose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world.” Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.
Here’s your challenge for this week: What would it take for you to feel curious and playful about yourself, your world, and the people around you?
How would you shift to a state of curiosity in the face of discomfort, fear, or anger? Imagine talking to your left and right brains. What would each say?
END.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C. is a Certified Family Communications Coach. She supports compassionate communication, conflict resolution for all ages, and Collaborative Divorce. If you think your kids or partner are driving you nuts, then visit www.CompassionateSolutions.ca, sign up for your free newsletter and receive your gift: 10 Simple Actions you can do today to bring more peace into your life now! Wendy offers a free preview Coaching and Consultation Session for new clients and regular group coaching calls.
Dharma
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
Dharma is a Sanskrit concept meaning: each individual’s unique, ideal purpose in life, and the knowledge of how and where to find it. Dharma in simpler terms means to be you fully, to live in respect and to follow your own path while acknowledging the same in others. Knowing your dharma leads to knowing the answers to life’s big questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life? How do I fulfill and live my purpose? If you happen to know this, you are far ahead of the game. I do not know completely, but I do have a full understanding of what it means to allow dharma its full birth, in others and myself.
It is, as a coach, imperative to not judge someone else’s seeking or knowledge of self. My own fault is in how often I judge myself. How often do you judge yourself? I find it much easier to allow someone else their space to discover who and what they are. I have had to learn how to do this for myself. My job as a coach is to bring one closer to their dharmic self.
I found myself contemplating dharma with news from my hometown where a staggering number of teens have committed suicide recently. The people who have talked to me about it have really gotten lost in the ‘why’ of it. Suicide is an individual choice. Survival is a choice. Living is a choice. I know this might be hard to take for some of you, but it might just be that person’s dharmic purpose was to commit suicide.
What if:
* They came here to do that one act.
* They came here to be the sign for those around them to wake up, shift their purpose, or to make the changes in their life that puts them on the right path.
* Their soul was the only soul that knew exactly why they were to come here and leave here in such a manner.
Is it truly, on a soul level, any different from dying at 14 years old of cancer, or at 21 years old in an unexplainable car wreck?
If everything happens for a reason, who are we to question who, what, when, where or why of it? As for the ‘why’ it leads to nowhere it is an endless loop that truly may not be any of our business and letting go of the ‘why’ brings us closer to our dharma.
The point I want to recognize in talking about dharma is this: when we feel uneasy, we do not understand a situation, or we are left questioning the bigger picture, it is our dharmic right to ask these questions of our selves, but we are instantly off target to ask these questions for someone else’s life.
Dharma I believe is interlaced with love, if you truly love a person then you set them free to be exactly who they came here to be. You allow them to live their dharma just as you wish to live your own…in total abandon and freedom from explanation. There is no better place to practice this concept than in everyday life with everyone, even if you do not love everyone. Bless them and say a little prayer for their journey to fulfill their dharma.
END.
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Different Levels of Abilities
by Daris Reno Blickman, M.S.L.C.
Every morning, I do what most of us do, I go to work (after my friend the Coffee Cup pays me a visit, we would not want Daris drooling during the meetings, would we?).
Some days I dress up, to walk in the business world, other days I am in jeans and the oldest tee shirt I own, knee deep in dishes, window cleaners, even beer bottles for they need to be broken and discarded, sometimes I am rolling silverware, folding pizza boxes. Many days, I am dressed up and knocking on doors to find jobs for clients,
Really, what job would consist of such things, why would anyone want to take a job where everyday, you are at different place, learning new jobs, some fun and many tiring for the day becomes long,
I would, well in all honesty, I did not know that I would until a couple of years ago. My expertise is in PR/Networking, Fundraising for non profits, Event Planning. Why in the world would I want to learn how to fold a pizza box and why is that job even necessary, this is the question that many have asked me daily,
Let me tell you why,
A couple of years ago, my school district approached me, asked if I could help the high school students find jobs, they needed someone with Pr/Networking experience to help within the communities. Perfect job for me, Boy I was happy, put on my dancing shoes and off I went to check it out,
Imagine my surprise when I went to see my students, all with disabilities, from severe disabilities, not able to speak, move, or lift any item over one pound, that’s right, They needed a job. Others were autistic, down syndrome, some did not have any social skills, some had disorders plus medical problems such a cancer, seizures and one could not remember anything taught to him after five minutes, due to a brain trauma at birth, at risk youth who lived on the street, no one cared about them, so why should they care about themselves?
Talk about a challenge, of course I took it, I am educated somewhat in this area of disabilities also. I was very excited to have the opportunity to teach my students many things, Wrong Again,
For it was I that was taught more then I taught, here are the beautiful lessons that I learned along my journey.
First question, Why do we have a word such as Disabilities in the first place? Just put the Dis in any word that pertains to these individuals and negativity abounds everywhere,
I learned that there is not disabilities, but as individuals, we have Different levels of abilities within all of us, there are many talents to be discovered, hidden gems of knowledge that are well needed by the communities,
It was interesting to go out into our communities and try in my best PR voice explain why Johnny would do so well as an employee of their company, remember we cannot speak about what they cannot do because of physical and mentally limitations,
I had to create jobs many times and show the owners why this was needed, Then I had to bring in Johnny for the interview and many times pray that they would see his golden light shining through, for I did!
Which brings me back to the lessons, Joy, what joy they had when they realized that they had value to others, that someone believed they could do a job, and even pay them for doing this job, how many times I have seen these wonderful individuals do for free what others get paid to do, how unfair of this to still happen,
Love, what love they had for the other employees, the friendships, the bonding, and how they were included in the everyday conversations, how they were missed if they were ill and could not work that day,
Independence, a new meaning for the old word that we take for granted, I remember the day one of my students figured out what a paycheck meant, he could buy the stuffed animal that his sister had wanted, the happiness, he went and thanked the boss many times for the job, we could barely get him out of the store, Now he had memory problems and rarely remembered that he got a paycheck, still not many dry eyes every two weeks when they handed it to him, for we started all over again,
Which brings me to another lesson, Giving, for many gave their checks to the mothers, so that milk could be bought that week, there was little money in the family, or they took their checks and bought themselves a candy bar and spent the rest on others. I remember the first gift I received from one of my clients, I cried like a baby,
Which brings me to the last lesson for the day, To Be Humble, I thank the Creator for the greatest lesson taught to me. I humbled myself, for to teach any student a job, I had to learn it myself, thus, washing windows, throwing away beer bottles, cleaning bathrooms, taking in carts at stores, washing dishes, dusting the entire restaurant, hanging up clothes and being a greeter, just saying hello and goodbye to those entering/leaving the stores,
Now I have recently moved on to working with adults with different levels of abilities (Get it!). Many of my students still come through my office looking for jobs for they have left the high school and once again, I am blessed all over,
So next time you see someone that has different abilities then you, smile and remind yourself that they have lessons to teach all of us, They have value to give as well, we should thank the Great One for the gifts he has given to each of us, especially the ones with different levels of abilities, for if you think about it, we are one of them, our own abilities are just as different in their eyes,
Thank you Great One, may you continue to bless me with such lessons so that my spirit will grow and I shall stay true to my path.?
END.
? About the Author: Ms. Daris Reno Blicknan, M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach. Daris is currently working with several Non Profits in the areas of disabilities, at risk teens and domestic violence issues. Daris is also a member of the Cherokee’s of Alabama and is involved with Public Relations work for the tribe. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
Ego and the Addictive Mind
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
While many people do not realize it…they are addicted…to something. I think that it would be great to really stop and investigate what in your life is stopping you, is it a ritual, is it obsessive thinking, is it living in the past or thinking always in a past tense, is it chocolate or coffee or cookies, is it alcohol, or is it your God?
The only way to know is to identify a ritualistic thing you do and try to let it go…see what the challenge becomes. Can you let it go? Can you live without it?
A few years ago I found out that I was addicted to mind chatter, I was constantly in my head talking to myself…this only became a problem when the voice in my head wouldn’t listen or shut up…thus causing severe anxiety and insomnia.
The one thing I realized was that all I needed to do was SHUT-UP; easier said than done. The ego liked having control over my mind so getting it into the background again instead of the foreground of my mind became an obsession all in of itself. It was Tolle’s “The Power of Now” that did it for me.
I started practicing conscious breathing, as this is the first and easiest way to get into the NOW. The effects were immediate; oxygen to the brain is an amazing thing.
So what are you addicted too and can you stop yourself?
How much do you do as an excuse to avoid living?
END.
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Enhancing Creativity Skills
by Evie Harrison, C.L.C., M.S.L.C.
Learning how to be creative is actually a little challenging to digest since some creative people are just born that way – they can immediately write, draw, paint, act without even trying too hard to succeed at it. And in some cases if you are born into parents who are writers or parents who are artists, then there is a greater chance that you might inherit all of these wonderful talents.
There are, however, some people who don’t draw, write, or act inherently well, but would like to enhance these skills. On the other end of the spectrum, there are also some writers, artists, painters, cartoonists who already dabble at these and still would like to enhance or improve them. This only confirms the idea that there is always room for improvement, no matter how much of an expert you are.
The thing is, it only takes so much to enhance these skills. And quite ironically, most of these are developed not with a pencil, a coloring book, or a crayon, but with taking a look at your surroundings and observing the people that you associate with everyday (including your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers or school mates).
Observing these people or things actually makes you take notice of the minute facts and details. It gives the painter an idea of what color the skin tone is, gives the illustrator an image of the correct shape of a neighbor’s face, gives the writer a picture of how his co-worker interacts with other workmates.
When all of these are put together, creative enhancement, based on inspiration, is bound to take shape. By observing others, one develops a greater sense and understanding of events and occurrences. This is what helps you deepen your approach and make your products more relevant and meaningful.
In dealing with creativity skills, there are no rules and regulations. Instead, the effect would be free flowing. Don’t limit yourself, and have the courage to take risks and try things out. Mix and match all those colors, play with words, develop something awesome out of the ordinary, continuously create and invent, even if at first it seems silly. After all, creativity is not just confined in the classrooms, but is actually felt and experienced. And the fact that every masterpiece bears the subjectiveness of its creator makes you all the more free to do just anything you want, in any way you so wish.
There is no right or wrong answer to boosting creativity, so you don’t have to be scared of failing. In fact, the upside to failing the first time is that you get multiple opportunities to try again. Who knows, you might discover something new and more interesting along the way. Just go do what you feel like doing, let your surroundings guide you, and watch your ideas flourish.
END.
? About the Author: Evie Harrison, C.L.C., M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach who specializes in Career Coaching within the private sector. Evie has been a long-time graduate and friend of Express Coaching™ and we appreciate her return to our newsletter. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
Finding the Courage to Effectively Lead
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
We all face hardships at some point in our lives. Some of us own responsibility and get on with our lives while most of us blame others. When you own responsibility for yourself you empower yourself. You are the cause and your life experiences are the results in your life. You determine the direction of your life. You are in control of your life.
If you are not able to explain why your life is as it is, you are probably giving your power away to someone else, are you? Most of us tend to blame something else or someone else or our fate for all bad experiences in our life such as abusive childhood, loss of a loved one or broken relationships. When you are not in control of yourself or your life that means you are powerless. Blaming is a disempowering emotion.
If you think by blaming others for your life you are getting away from problems you are completely wrong. Your life problems would stay the same and recur again and again as long as you make someone else responsible for your life. You give others power to control you and your life. So your life problems would tend to stay the way they are until you take back your power and claim full responsibility for your emotions, actions and life as a whole.
True empowerment is taking responsibility for your life so that you are free to do whatever you want to do and be anything you choose to be.
Here are 4 tips to empower you:
1) Make your own choices – Life is full of choices and you have the freedom to choose. You learn only through trial and error. Be bold and accept the outcome of your decisions. If your choice is correct, be happy. If not do not blame yourself or others. Instead, analyze where you went wrong and correct yourself. The next time around, you may be able to make the right choices.
2) Practice deep breathing – If you make it a habit to practice deep breathing throughout the day, you would have clarity in your thoughts. You feel more relaxed to think clearly and make good judgments of your situations.
3) Feel grateful – Gratitude is something we never show for many things we enjoy in our life. Instead of cursing your problems look around you and realize how blessed you are to have nature bestow you good health, sunshine, food, good relationships, fresh air, etc. When you feel grateful for these things you are convinced that life is not bad at all.
4) Develop mental awareness – Observe your thoughts. Are they good or bad? Are they positive or negative? If your thoughts are positive it is good. You could act on them with positive results. What if you have negative thoughts? You could still control them if you are aware of them. Empower yourself by being aware of your good and bad thoughts.
When you deal with your own pains and pleasures you are the controller of your life. Just know that no one else could take away your power to control your life and events because you are the master of your destiny.
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work
Get Over It!
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
Just when you think you cannot stand to talk about it one more second, you start telling your tales of woe and trauma all over again. A fresh set of ears so you can start the saga again. Do you catch yourself doing this? Have you ever noticed this in other people?
I have! I have done it! What I know is that if I am still talking about it and waiting for someone to have an emotional response to my situation…then I am NOT OVER IT!
What is important to recognize is that every time the story is repeated, the nervous system reengages wrapping around the trauma one more time. The nervous system is then unable to let go so the immune system starts to get weaker. The unresolved issue can manifest a physical ailment like tension, headaches, anxiety, colds, digestive problems, and the list continues until you manifest a terminal or chronic condition.
When you do not have to tell your story to solicit the other person’s compassion, sympathy, empathy, or outrage, and you tell it without charging up your own emotions then you are done with it. I am not saying you should never utter another word about it, quite the contrary, try telling the story as if you were a detached third-party observer. If you succeed, you are over it and it is okay to tell it. In addition, when your story has an inspirational ending, shout it from the rooftops.
The big question remains: how do you get over it? Well that is different for everyone. As a coach, I like to let the person roll with it and then I ask, “What do you need to have happen in order to let go of this…?” Hearing the same story continually, prompts me to ask if they know they are stuck in the situation.
Now, ask yourself some important questions: Is this situation worth my own demise? Is this situation something I want to have rule me for the rest of my life? If I cannot get over it on my own, am I willing to find help? Am I truly willing to let it go?
Are you willing to let go? The next step is to process the unresolved issues by journaling, exercising, meditation, or professional assistance. Then close the door, walk away, and GET OVER IT!
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Getting Kids to Listen
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
A response to the question: How do I get my children to communicate or to listen to basic requests?
Notice what your child is doing. Is she focused on a particular project or a phone call? Is he deep in thought?
Communication is a little like merging into highway traffic. Look ahead, match your speed with the traffic speed, find a place to fit in, and then join the line of cars when the timing is right. Rushing into a child’s room expecting her to pay attention to you is like leaping from the on-ramp into oncoming traffic. It’s an accident waiting to happen. Are you trying to speak without the other’s full attention?
When lovers court each other, they slow down and gaze into each other’s eyes. When a new baby is born, parents gaze into her eyes. When rapport is good, people begin to mirror each other’s body language. 90-95% of what we communicate is nonverbal. I suggest that you begin there. When you don’t know what to say, stay present in silence.
Merge with your child. Find out what he’s interested in in that moment. When he has your attention, then you can ask for his. Even if your child wants to do something else, you’ll likely be able to better understand that intention rather than thinking that he’s ignoring you. If you need to interrupt, say so. Treat your child as you would like to be treated. For example: “Excuse me, can I get your attention?” Then, ask for what you want while linking it to the needs you want to meet. For example, you might say, “Take out the trash, please.” and it may be heard. Requests are better understood when prefaced with a clear need and connection. Try something like “Remember when we agreed that you’d take out the trash after dinner while I did the dishes?” When you get a nod and smile, ask, “Could you do that now?”
What if you’re not getting the nod and the smile? The child’s attachment to you and the relationship between you and your child may need some attention. Before focusing on the behaviour you don’t enjoy in the moment, first establish good rapport with your child. For example, before talking about the trash, be sure your child is enjoying your company in the moment. We spend much of our day telling our children all the ways they are behaving badly. Begin to spend more time each day enjoying each other’s company, sharing a meal, chatting about what’s important to them, and sharing your stories. I know this gets harder the older the child. However, there is no other way. Your heart already knows how to do this. Forget all the parent training that says that children should do this or that at such and such age. The fastest way to win our children over is through their hearts. They need to depend on us to be there for them and listen to them. They need to know that we will take care of them and our relationship with them. When our kids feel secure, they are likely to help out around the house if that’s what we’re looking for.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., MFCC, is a Master Family Communications Coach with training in Psychology, Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Circles, Collaborative Divorce, Grief and Bereavement, Reiki, and teaching. Her hands-on experience in transforming her own childhood violence into love motivates her to support other parents to create extraordinary family relationships. You can learn how to value everyone’s needs and work together, without giving up…and without giving in. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca for your free newsletter, gift, or coaching consultation..
Great Thing … People!
by Robert Gregory, MS., MLC.
In their book The Leadership Challenge, Kouzes and Posner tell us if we are not committed to the people they will not be committed to the customer. If we are not committed to our people how can we expect them to be committed to not just the customer but also the mission and vision of the organization? The first principal I believe to be critical for leadership is what Parker Palmer refers to in his book The courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher’s life. “The Great Thing”. I am not referring to a product or theory, rather the people who make up an organization. It is important to be excited about putting the people first because the people will ultimately determine success or failure for the organization.
If people are the most important part of the leadership challenge then we must focus first on the individual(s) that comprise the leadership. The leader must strive to avoid what Freire in his book The Pedagogy of the oppressed refers to as the central problem. As leaders we do not want to be oppressive regarding our followers. If we are oppressors we risk causing the duality Freire explains as, “to be, is to be like the oppressor consequently both the leader and follower manifest dehumanization within the organization” (p. 48). This means that oppressive leadership will be passed down through the leadership to the followers causing dysfunction in the organization.
A leader should develop their own personal value statement along with the core values by which they live their life. For example, a value statement I live by is, excellence in every endeavor honors God and is inspirational for my personal walk as well as those I lead. The core values I apply to my life are faith, respect, truth, humility, servanthood, integrity, and love. Effective leadership depends on the ability of the leader to set the example for the followers. I agree with Kouzes and Posner, the two essentials for accomplishing this are “building and affirming shared values, and aligning actions with values” (p. 77). It is my opinion the key to my leadership philosophy and style is aligning my actions with my values; I need to demonstrate that what I say is actually what I am doing because actions speak louder than words.
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Freire, P., (2000). Pedagogy of the oppressed, Continuum International Publishing Group Inc, New York, NY. (Original work published 1921)
Kouzes J. M., & Posner B. Z., (2003). The leadership challenge. San Francisco: John Wiley & Sons.
Palmer, P. (1998). The courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher’s life. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
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? About the Author: Robert Gregory MS, MLC, is a current partner with Target Life Coaching LLC, Our goal at Target Life Coaching is to help improve the client’s life walk with the following principals, patience, kindness, truthfulness, trust, being slow to anger, forgiveness, and love. If you desire a meaning and purpose in life we at Target Life Coaching can help you discover, pursue and capture your heart’s desire. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit Target Life Coaching LLC, on our web at www.targetlifecoaching.com and join our blog spot at http://targetlifecoaching.blogspot.com.
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