Motivation 1-2-3!
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Getting yourself motivated is really easy, that is, if you talk more positively about your own self. Listen to your own thoughts. Do you talk to yourself in an angry manner? Do you need to talk to yourself more positively?
The following are basic tips and advice to help you conquer your own negative thoughts and replace them with ones that are more positive.
Be true, be honest, be you. Very often, there are moments wherein you find that talking insults and cursing yourself is a lot easier. Imagine if you talk like this to your boss or to someone that you really care about. What would they feel? Do you imagine them staying to talk or be with you more? Be kind to yourself. Believe it or not, one’s natural tendency is to give and be loved, unless you let yourself be distracted by your past negative memories. Your true self is genuinely kind. Be kind to yourself. Do not treat yourself badly. Be respectful, patient, and more understanding. If you could act that way to someone else, you certainly could treat yourself in a similar manner.
As much as possible, always be your best when talking to yourself. Doing so will make you treat others a lot better. Eventually, these same people will then react positively towards whatever it is you are to say and do. Ultimately, you will get whatever it is that you want because these people will help you.
Make yourself heard. Observe how much you go through the day with a dialogue that only you can hear. What does this dialogue say?
To motivate yourself much more effectively, make sure to put passion as well as enthusiasm into whatever it is you have to say to yourself. Put energy into every word.
Difficult? Try to imagine this. Talk to yourself the way you probably would to someone who is standing in front of you, clearly waiting to be really inspired. Now, imagine that this person is you.
Speak loud, speak with passion, and speak with excitement and enthusiasm. The fire is in you. All you have to do is release it.
Feel good even if the going gets rough. Sometimes (and this happens), even if you are clearly focused and positive about yourself, there will be days when nothing really seems to go the way you want them to.
It is during these days when you really need to hear yourself talk, more positively that is.
Make sure that you have a collection of memories or talks that you could instantly play in your brain at your easy disposal.
Music is a good example. Or, you could also use memories of those people you know who have told you how much they appreciate you. Believe it or not, your feelings will soar and you will feel motivated enough to go through the day with a song in your heart.
Overall, the choice is yours as to how much positive vibes you want to play in your brain. All you need to do is unlock your hidden nature and set it free. A human being’s natural inclination is towards evolution, not devolution.
END.
Tips for Fighting Procrastination
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
It’s hard to find someone that has never had to deal with the problem of procrastination. It’s so common because most people naturally put off activities that they don’t enjoy.
On some days, procrastination might be a more difficult problem for you to conquer than others. One day you might sail along smoothly and the next you might not feel like leaving your bed. While everyone has a bad day from time to time, it’s also a good idea to overcome a procrastinating mindset.
Consider following these procrastination tips:
Take small steps. When you’re putting off starting a large project it may be because it seems like a huge task that will eat up all of your time. Instead of expecting yourself to work for hours on end, try starting with 10 minutes. This will get you going on it and then it will be easier to continue.
Give yourself breaks. While sitting down for 8 hours to complete a task sounds daunting, try dividing it up into small steps and take a break when you complete each step. Another method is to give yourself a 10 minute break every hour. Go for a walk in the fresh air, surf the ‘net, or text a friend on your break. Doing so will refresh your mind so you can get back to your project with renewed energy.
Make a plan. It’s easy to continue on the path of procrastination when your goals remain unclear. Give yourself a strict deadline if necessary. Write down the tasks you need to complete and the details of those tasks. It’s a way of holding yourself accountable for what is or isn’t done at the end of the day.
Get to the root of the problem. Sometimes there’s an underlying reason why you’ve been procrastinating on one specific issue. You might not be able to identify this reason until you really think about it. If you can identify the reason, you might solve your procrastination problem for that specific issue.
Reward yourself. While a break might seem like a reward, you can promise yourself other types of rewards for completing tough tasks. Decide on something you want to have or want to do. Allow yourself this luxury once you’ve completed the task at hand.
Believe in yourself. When you believe in yourself, you gain a passion for life and an enthusiasm that will help you get through the day. Once you believe in yourself, you have the power to get over procrastination and reach your ultimate goals in life.
Do the least-liked task first. When your day consists of many tasks you need to complete, start with the one that’s hanging over your head. While you might be procrastinating against all of them, once the bad ones are out of the way, your day will improve.
Schedule fun tasks, too! It’s important to make time for yourself, so enjoyable tasks should be a part of your day, too. Since your to-do list is usually packed with undesirable tasks, you should include enjoyable activities as well.
For example, if you want to play volleyball on Tuesday nights, write it down on your to-do list. When you cross it off your list, you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something important – and you have!
Practice these techniques to help you fight procrastination and soon you’ll find that much of your stress has melted away and you’ll have more time for enjoying the things you love the most!
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Four Common Self-Sabotaging Tactics
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
There are four common self-sabotaging tactics that you should avoid at all cost.
Do you find yourself repeating behaviors that sabotage your success? Are you ready to put your limiting behavior to rest in favor of a better outlook and greater fulfillment?
The first step to the success you crave is being able to recognize the limiting beliefs that stand in the way of your success. Once you do, you can banish those beliefs in favor of more empowering ones. Become aware of these self-sabotaging thoughts and beliefs that you hold so you can replace them with more productive thoughts that support your success:
Settling for less than your best causes you to stop short of unleashing your fullest potential. Sometimes you settle for less because you’re scared of encountering failure. Other times, you may settle simply because you lack awareness of your own strength.
Test your strength constantly by going out of your comfort zone. Face your fears, because more often than not, your fear is the only obstacle between you and ultimate success.
Expecting too much from others. When you automatically expect help from others, or anticipate that others will bail you out of a tough situation, you’re expecting too much. You are only responsible for yourself. Even if your friends and family have helped you in the past, they may choose to let you fend for yourself this time around. Always be prepared to suffer the consequences of your actions and clean up your own mess. Choose a more sensible path that takes into account that you may journey to your destination alone.
Do you feel sorry for yourself? If your current situation causes you to feel like something’s missing, change your circumstances. Instead of dwelling on what could have been and focusing on the unfortunate hand you’ve been dealt, seek to learn from every experience and focus on solutions, instead of problems.
Your success is your responsibility. Hold yourself accountable for your results and allow unfortunate situations to steer you toward success, instead of deterring you from achieving your dreams. By maintaining this mindset, even your worst trial will be far better than remaining on the sidelines of life.
Lack of a back-up plan can be a problem. If your initial plan gives less than desired results, your only chance at success is your ability to adapt. Everyone needs a Plan B. You may feel like a pessimist by planning for an unfortunate outcome, but this planning is actually proactive. It shows your mind that you’re serious about reaching your desired destination. Ensure your financial security, mental health, and well-being by always planning for the worst while hoping for the best.
If you often find yourself creating any of these self-sabotaging behaviors that hinder your chances of success, decide that today is going to be a new day.
The important thing is that you recognize the thought patterns and behaviors that limit you and head in a new direction that supports your success.
Replace unproductive ways of thinking with a more productive, solution-oriented focus that tells your mind you deserve the success you seek. When you do, your success is inevitable.
END
Be a Better Spouse
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Marriage can be the greatest blessing of your life, but it takes a lot of work to maintain a close, vibrant relationship for a long time. Sometimes it seems as though the odds are against the success of your marriage.
By taking these simple steps, you can continue to experience the intimacy and fulfillment you crave within your marital relationship:
Accept your spouse’s faults. Your spouse may be perfect for you, but they will make mistakes. Everyone has their faults, and a healthy marriage relationship is built on forgiveness and an environment of safety where you can be who you are without fear. Seek to create that environment and watch your relationship blossom. Remember that having different interests is healthy. Celebrate your differences. Seek to enjoy the things your spouse is interested in, and your spouse will likely show more interest in your passions. Show that what’s important to them is important to you also, and your significant other will have no doubt that you love them.
Be willing to compromise. In marriage, it’s important to pick your battles wisely. Some of the things you do will annoy each other, but it’s important to provide the grace and compassion that makes the other person feel valued. Be willing to give up your way on the small things, and your spouse will likely reciprocate.
Ensure both parties contribute. Marriage is a two-person system. Having just one person run everything will make things challenging for both of you. Whether it’s the bills or chores around the house, divide the tasks so that you make it easy for both of you. This is also true for recreation. When deciding how to spend your time together, take turns choosing what to do. If you have a movie night, make it a double feature so that each person is guaranteed a movie that they enjoy.
The 50/50 rule is a good basis for this. With this set-up, both partners play their part in the relationship and no one is superior to the other. As it should be, both become equal partners in the relationship.
Show them that you care. A lot of times, when a couple has been together for a long time, they settle into a routine and forget the little things. Each person in the relationship assumes that the other knows how he or she feels. Instead, date your spouse like you did when you first got together. You’ll be shocked at the results.
Show your appreciation and love for your spouse in small, everyday ways. When you do this consistently, you will notice a dramatic improvement in your marriage almost overnight. Small, inexpensive, thoughtful gifts throughout the year say more about your affection than one large gift on your anniversary. Say: “thank you” and “I love you” often.
Common courtesy is king. When in doubt, use the golden rule. Treat your spouse how you wish to be treated. Be considerate and thoughtful. Always be looking for new ways to express your love.
Be supportive of your spouse. When he feels down, do what you can to let him know you stand behind him. When she’s had a rough day, pamper her and show her through your actions that she matters to you more than anyone else in this world.
Marriage can be a complicated road sometimes, but it can also be the source of tremendous happiness and joy for both of you. Start today to take small steps, commit to loving your spouse with all your heart, and savor a marriage filled with passion, excitement, and a fulfilling journey through life together.
END
Tips To Get You To Where You Want To Be
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
While you should strive to make your dreams come true, concentrate, on yourself and your journey. When you spend less time wishing things were different and more time accepting what you’ve got, you’ve already found a sense of peace and happiness right there.
Dr. Joe Vitale, renowned motivational speaker and author, often says: “the fastest way to get where you want is to be happy with where you are.” Believe it or not, this mindset really works! It may take some changes and soul searching on your part, but in the end, it’ll be more than worth it to adopt this positive mentality.
Here are some tips that can help you become who you want to be right now:
Feel gratitude. When you concentrate on the big picture, it’s easier to exhibit feelings of gratitude. When you’re grateful, you remain positive and appreciative of every joyful moment in life. Sometimes people get too caught up in a sense of entitlement, which leads to negative feelings. Concentrating on gratitude, instead, will get you where you desire.
Be optimistic. Some say that life is all about optimism. And it’s true! An optimistic attitude is one of the few things you need to succeed. If you’re trying to achieve a concrete goal, optimism will help you accomplish it. If you’re trying to change your mindset, optimism will make the task easier. Optimism can be the driving force that keeps you going.
Exhibit the traits you desire. It was Gandhi who said that you should be the change you want to see in the world. With these wise words in mind, you can replace wanting with some bold action. With some persistence and perseverance, you can make it happen.
Adopt a prosperous mindset. Take a moment to determine what prosperity means to you. Are you hoping for money, a fulfilling career, or a relationship that lasts a lifetime? Know what you want, then adopt the right mindset. Once you do, you’ve then set yourself in the right direction toward your goals.
Find the silver lining. As you go through life, you will no doubt realize that things are not always going to go your way. But even in tough times you need to keep your chin up. Instead of allowing negativity to consume your life, seek out the silver lining. This fresh attitude can be the difference between being held hostage and achieving your goals.
Take small steps. When the place you’re going seems far away and unachievable, it’s important to break it down into small steps. Give yourself an achievable goal with a realistic time frame. Break that one down into smaller goals. When you avoid getting overwhelmed, you’ll gain the confidence to persevere.
You’re Already There! It’s a good idea to practice one of these tips at a time until you’ve incorporated them into your life. Perhaps you can spend a week perfecting one strategy and, then the next week, add another one to your repertoire while continuing with the first one. Soon enough, you’ll be a natural at all of them!
Once you choose a powerful and positive mindset, you’ll find that you’ve already achieved much of what you want. Just remember: You already have the traits, mindset, and lifestyle you desire, and you know that success is inevitable, but only when you have the will to break through the obstacles in your mind!
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Stop A Child From Becoming “LOST LUGGAGE”
by Dawn M. Rubin, C.M.L.C.
“Crazy” you say? Well think again. I am not only a Certified Master Step Family Life Coach, but also a police dispatcher at an International Airport. Every summer, every Christmas, every spring break, myself and my fellow Dispatcher’s see this happen over and over again — parents sending their children to a relative’s or a parent’s house.
They bring the child to the airport, wave good-bye and kiss them gently. Sometimes, with tears in their eyes, they glue their face to the big window as the tug pushes back the aircraft that will soon depart into the sky.
So, what happens now? Maybe the child has a connecting flight? Maybe the person who is to pick up the may be late? What if the weather gets bad and there are flight delays? What happens if the person picking them up can’t make it through the snow covered streets? What happens if the child misses the connecting flight? What if the aircraft has mechanical issues and it never takes off? And what if the child becomes ill in flight?
Many parents feel that this is no big deal. That once the ticket is bought and the child boards the aircraft that the child is now the airline’s responsibility. TRUTH: we need to inform parents that this is not totally true.
The airline does take on some responsibility, but not all. Here is a check list for every parent that boards a child onto an aircraft:
- Communicate with your Child as to what they will experience. It doesn’t matter if it’d their first flight or their tenth.
- WARNING! Parents DO NOT send your child on any trip without a cell phone!!!! You can get a $10.00 cell phone just about anywhere and a $10.00 phone calling card.
- Give your child a list of all phone numbers and address, especially the contact information for the individual or relative who is picking the child up.
- List all the child’s allergies to both food and medication. Provide a list of any medication is the child is current taking. Also list any medical or physical conditions the child may have. The name of the child’s doctor and phone number should accompany the child. Make sure you also sign and notarize a letter stating that the person the child is visiting has a legal permission from you to have the child treated medically, if necessary and ensure this is kept in the child’s carry-on bag and is shown to a Flight Attendant should it be needed.
- Keep a copy of your child’s ‘confirmation number.
- Make a note of what your child is wearing. Many cell phones have a camera function. Please use it.
- Be sure you send your child with enough money for at least four meals in case of delays on either leg of your child’s journey.
- If your child has a connecting flight, make sure the reservation is an early one. This way if the connection was missed they can be put on a later flight and not stranded, alone at a strange airport.
- COMMUNICATE with your child as to what to do in case a flight is missed or an unexpected event occurs.
- It is important to remember — it is NOT the airlines responsibly to take care of the child if the flight is delayed or cancelled due to weather. When this happens, the airlines will usually call us, the Airport Police, for support.
What can occur when parents don’t follow these 10 simple rules? The parent receives a phone call from a rather emotional caller, blaming, sobbing and/or screaming. Now we have a scared child and parent with no way for them to communicate, feed the child or even house the child. The beds we have at the Police Department are in the prisoner’s cells. If the child in under 16, he or she will be held at the airport because the Police will maintain custody of the child until the next flight.
Please pass this information on to prevent a child from becoming lost luggage.
Word of the day? “Communicate.”
END
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About the Author: Dawn M. Rubin C.M.L.C is a Certified Master Step Family LIFE Coach and Master Co-Creative Communication Life Coach, who specializes in the process of Blending Extended and Step Families and in Family Communication and Dynamics. Dawn is also the founder of “One Voice – Children Supporting Children,” an organization for children to obtain the support of other children who are adjusting to the “Blending” process. Dawn has been a long-time graduate and friend of Express Coaching™ and you can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca
Bring Your Personal Goals into Reality
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Do you go about your daily life just getting by from one day to the next, all the while saving your dream goals for “someday?” Wouldn’t you love to turn that “someday” into today?
Your personal goals can become reality, and sooner than you think, too! By believing in yourself and taking decisive action, even if it’s one small step at a time, you can wake up one day soon and find that you’re living the life of your dreams.
What’s your biggest reason for putting off your goals until a later date? Is it because your goals are unattainable or require a tremendous change from the life you’re living now? The good news is, even with such large goals, you can get yourself on the right track by consistently allocating a little free time toward these goals.
Here are some tips to help you achieve your goals:
Clarify your goals: Instead of thinking of your goals as vague ideas, determine exactly what you want. If you want money, how much do you want? If you want to lose weight, how much? Specify your goal in a measurable format.
Make a solid plan: The planning phase is very important. This is where you figure out how you’re going to get what you want. It’s as simple as choosing a path toward your goal and writing down each step you’ll need to take to achieve it.
Hold yourself to deadlines: Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to achieve each step and hold yourself accountable. When the going gets tough, just picture that big payoff you’ll enjoy when you get past your hurdles and achieve your goal.
Be prepared to deal with setbacks: Expect the unexpected. Sometimes, things go awry. When facing a setback, learn what you can from the situation and then fight your way back into the game. Most importantly, continue to believe in yourself. Each challenge you overcome makes you stronger.
Explore your options: Sometimes when your circumstances in life change, your priorities also change, and that’s okay! Never be afraid of reevaluating your situation and your goals. If you decide to take a different path in life, it’s your decision. Make new goals, and corresponding plans, for your new journey.
Be serious about your goals: When you feel that your goals are a priority, it’ll be easier for you to avoid procrastination. Taking your wants and needs seriously could make all the difference between reaching your goals or not.
Break your goal into smaller pieces: This tip is especially important when you’re pursuing a large goal. For example, if your goal is to go after a career that involves a great deal of specialized training, then make each type of training a goal in itself. Celebrate as you complete each step because you’re now one step closer to your dream!
Get the help you need: There are many people willing to help you reach your goals in life. Whether it’s someone to lean on to give you an extra confidence push, or someone to outsource work to, it’ll show you that you can count on others for help. With help, you can accomplish more.
It all comes down to your attitude. Once you’ve got your goals organized, if you have a positive mindset about achieving them, you’ll also have the drive necessary to keep working until you reach success. Take these strategies to heart, and live the life you desire – and deserve!
END.
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About the Author: Dr. Brons is the Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working coach. Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning to live by your own design. Visit his website at www.ajourneytojoy.com.
How Do You Define Failure?
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
What do you think when you hear the word failure? You probably are thinking that you’re not good enough and that you should give up.
While failure can involve those thoughts and emotions, failure can also make us stronger or wiser. A simple definition of failure is: An act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success.
When I think of this definition of failure, I’m reminded of Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb. While there are many conflicting stories of how many times Edison “failed” at inventing the electric light bulb, most agree it was in the thousands before he found the right combination of materials.
One of Edison’s most famous quotes is, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. I am not discouraged because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” If you adopt this same attitude, you’ll overcome your feelings of failure and be able to see your dreams and desires come to fruition.
Robert Schuller stated these famous words, “Failure doesn’t mean you’re a failure; it just means you haven’t succeeded yet.” Henry Ford said, “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”
When you consider those words from these wise and successful people, you’ll truly begin to understand the power of failure. The truth is, you only fail when you give up! When you keep trying until you’ve found the answer or the solution, you’re successful. You’d never say Thomas Edison, Robert Schuller or Henry Ford were failures would you? Sure, they were unsuccessful many, many times, but they didn’t give up until they found the answer, the right procedure or the right materials to solve their dilemma.
In case those quotes weren’t enough to make you believe failure has a positive power and strength, here are some more you might relate to:
“Failure is an event, never a person.” – William D. Brown. The next time you try your hand at something and don’t achieve the desired result immediately, remember failure is an event; it’s not you.
Bill Cosby also said it well when he said, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” If you’re trying to please everyone, you can’t possibly succeed!
“Never confuse a single defeat with final defeat.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
“You can’t have any successes until you can accept failures.” – George Cukor
Just because you’ve failed once, twice or 10,000 times at something, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You only fail when you stop trying.
Still not convinced? How about this:
“You always pass failure on your way to success.” – Mickey Rooney. What do these words mean to you? No matter what you’re trying to succeed at, whether it’s a sport, project, career, invention, or at school, there will be times when you don’t succeed. But you mustn’t let that stop you from reaching your goals, dreams, and desires.
The common thread among all these famous people and their wise words is the same. You can’t have success without failure. Never give up and never stop trying. There is power in failure, you just have to give yourself a chance.
Keep trying, keep failing and soon you’ll find true success!
END.
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About the Author: Dr. Brons is the Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working coach. Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning to live by your own design. Visit his website at www.ajourneytojoy.com.
The Power of Action
by Evie Harrison, C.L.C., M.S.L.C.
Have you read all the books in the world about achieving success in life and till now you are getting zero results? How and when will you see significant changes in your life? Are you brave enough to keep going and never quitting?
If yes then, let me share with you the important factor that is tightly connected to success. No body can ever succeed without this factor.
Here it is:
“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.” – Conrad Hilton
It is all about taking action!
Have you applied what you’ve read? Have you taken bold actions? Are you persistent enough?
The common characteristics of highly successful people are that they never quit and they always keep moving.
They are not afraid of making mistakes. They believe that mistakes are their vehicle to massive success. Therefore, they simply learn the lessons and keep moving.
If you are in a journey and discovered that you lost your way, stopping will not take you anywhere. You have to choose another direction and keep moving.
Being in motion is the only way that will allow you to reach your destination. You can take shortcuts, you can take a faster vehicle, or you can get a map to identify the shortest path. Whatever you choose to do, the most important thing is to keep moving and take action.
Successful people are action-oriented. They work very hard, they are determined, and they are focused.
To rise above mediocrity, learn from your mistakes, keep moving and never quit. This is your secret formula to taking powerful actions that will lead you to achieve massive success in your life.
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About the Author: Evie Harrison, C.L.C., M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach who specializes in Career Coaching within the private sector. Evie has been a long-time graduate and friend of Express Coaching™ and we appreciate her return to our newsletter. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
6 Simple Rules in Life
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
As a life coach I am often asked how to go about improving life in a simple manner that will bring about a positive difference. Let me tell you, life is simple and peaceful if you incorporate the following six rules into your daily routine.
Practice some quiet time everyday. Quietness of mind is the secret ingredient to a happy and successful life. Make it a regular habit to enjoy some quiet time every day. To start with set aside just 10 minutes at the start of the day. Just sit in a quiet place without paying any attention to your passing thoughts. You could pay attention only to your breathing and notice your chest and abdomen while breathing. This is not yoga, meditation, etc. This is simply a quiet time. Just ten minutes a day in the morning or night before bedtime is ideal for you to enjoy the peace within. If you make this a regular habit you would witness a better quality of life real soon.
Exercise your body and mind. Daily exercise keeps you away from mental and physical illness. Exercise keeps your body flexible, supple and strong. This leads to a balanced mind. There are plenty of good exercises you could choose from to keep yourself healthy and enjoy a long life. If you have not been exercising, you could start today. Just go for a brisk walk and feel the fresh air filling your lungs.
Eat sensibly. This area really poses a challenge for most of us. ‘You are what you eat’ is not just a mere saying. It is a fact of life. What we eat, why we eat, when we eat and how we eat are important factors related to our physical, psychological and spiritual well-being. It would be wise to choose a healthy diet and stick to it. Your goal should not only be to lose weight but also to keep it under control so that your body and mind does not bear the strain of overweight.
Choose a fulfilling profession or job. Many people have a habit of switching jobs. They do not seem to know what they are looking for. They are not sure if they are after money, challenge, job satisfaction, etc. It is important that you have clear-cut ideas of what you are looking for in a job. You should love your job in order to do it well and succeed in it. You would find fulfillment in your career only when you love your profession or job.
Maintain good relationships. Life is for sharing. Share your love and happiness with your friends and family. Learn to cherish your relationships. Respect everyone around you and develop good communication skills to establish truly valuable relationships. Relationships make your life meaningful.
Get enough sleep. Sleep restores energy. Make sure to get 6 to 8 hours of sleep each night. Deep, regular and restful mind is good for body and mind. If you have unhealthy sleeping habits get rid of them and develop good sleeping habits. Enjoy the benefits of good sleep.
When you practice these simple rules you are bound to enjoy a happy, healthy and peaceful life. Life is quite simple, really!
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About the Author: Dr. Brons is the Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working coach. Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning to live by your own design. Visit his website at www.ajourneytojoy.com.
Setting Highly Effective Goals for 2011
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
A New Year, sometimes requires a new way of thinking …
As we move into 2011, you need to know that having the right attitude is not only the key to becoming successful; you must also set the proper goal that will assist you in your overall success. Goal setting is one way of establishing several steps to guide you in meeting your objectives. This means identifying specifically what you want to achieve. If done the right way, your methods might result in a successful enterprise as you work your way to success.
There are Three Qualities of Setting an Effective Goal:
Before you start your goal setting, keep in mind the three qualities that will help you get to where you want. Your goals must be measurable, realistic, and well-reviewed.
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Ask, Believe & Receive
by Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C.
“Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” Mark 11:24 KJV
“For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will [get it].” Mark 11:24 Amplified Version
Have you ever wondered why some people are so successful and other are not? Have you ever wanted to know how to be successful in everything you put your hands to do? Well, today you are going to get a glimpse into the world of success at its best. As some of you may know, I love to pull my inspiration from the Bible and work on putting all of its teachings and principles in use in my life. The above scripture in Mark 11:24 is basis for my article today – Ask, Believe & Receive. You don’t have to be a Christian to understand this principle and it can be applied in your life as simply asking, believing and receiving.
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Lessons Not Learned From An Expert
by Steve Kiges, C.E.C.
In my first career, I was a professional musician. My formal training was at Juilliard: one of the finest music & arts schools in the world. It is the kind of place where I got to hang out with future superstars like Robin Williams, Wynton Marsalis, Yo Yo Ma and Kelsey Grammer when they were just struggling students trying to figure out life just like me.
In my second semester, I was assigned a particular teacher which I will refer to as Mr. Negative. I am sure you know the kind that never has anything good to say and has this permanent scowl plastered on his face. Everything he said seemed off or didn’t make sense, and no matter what I would try, I just could not please him. In my head I was thinking, here I am at “The Great Juilliard School”, the students are the best of the best and the teachers are the best of the best, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I get what this teacher is trying to teach me? He must be great since he’s teaching at Juilliard.
I was sitting in the lounge feeling pretty bummed out and one of the PhD candidates came and sat next to me. He asked how things were going and I explained my struggles. He got this big grin on his face and said, “ Oh….. you’ve got Mr. Negative this semester…….. we all had to learn how to survive his class; it’s one of the rights of passage …… everyone has to do their time in his class….. ”. He then said, “Mr Negative is actually one of the best teachers in the entire school; you just do the opposite of what he says and you will be right on the money”.
Wow, what a relief and what a great lesson! It was a lesson about trusting myself, my own beliefs and what is best for me. We are all showered by the media, friends, and family with suggestions and opinions masquerading as facts. “Do this…. No, you need to do this…. No, do this”. Some roads are good to try and some we need to just say, “No thanks”.
I had a serious obesity problem for many years. My success in losing 170 lbs and staying in my healthy weight range for over 7 years now has not been about doing what all the experts say or being a diet disciple. It has been mixing and matching things that work for me. It has been paying attention to what I need at the time and, at times, ignoring good advice. If I try one path, it does not mean I am married to it for life(big lesson here). Maybe I do it only a few weeks and if that does not fit anymore, then onto something else.
Being open to new ideas, does not mean you have to accept them or take any action. For the next few days or weeks, pay attention to advice-givers and information you read or see on TV. Just because the experts say ……. does not mean it’s right for you or that you have to do it.
Trust yourself.
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About the Author: Steve Kiges is a Certified Master Empowerment Coach. He holds certifications in several modalities including; Masters Level Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Time Line Therapy and Core Transformation. Steve also brings a wealth of knowledge from several successful careers including; Symphony Musician, University Teacher, Software Company President and Entrepreneur. Steve now specializes in working with individuals struggling with food addictions, an issue that he struggle with for many years. Please visit his website to contact him and for more information: http://www.theunreasonablelife.com
Your Own Personal Development Plan (PDP)
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
You may have heard about personal Development Plans and may be wondering just what these are? More and more people are beginning their journey into creating their PDP and maybe it is time you did the same?
A personal development plan is a structured and supported process undertaken by an individual to consider and improve upon his personal, educational and professional development. The individual is in control of his own development with the opportunity to monitor and steer his growth. It is simply a tool to encourage and support lifelong learning.
The process involves identifying the areas that need development, planning, executing and reviewing.
We all tend to have a mental block when it comes to addressing our own problems. Many people are afraid about taking time and thinking about their problems and solutions to those problems. A PDP would help them to solve their problems in an easy manner.
You could start developing your PDP anytime. Based on your present situation and role, you could draw a PDP that could help to prioritize the most important areas of your life that need immediate attention and concentration.
Identify areas that need progress – This is the first step towards constructing your PDP. You need to be in tune with your current situation in life – know who you are, what you want to achieve, what you have and what you lack. You also have to be clear about what is working for you now and what is not. You need to check on what you are ignoring, too.
Many people may delay in this first step if they have problem identifying the areas of their life that needs development. If you are one of them just think about those areas that are important to you – for example, you could consider the following areas: Physical and mental wellbeing, education, spiritual pursuit, finances, recreation, relationships – personal and professional, etc. You do not need to write down everything in detail but just make a list of these areas.
This list would help you to prioritize your areas. After you identify your areas that need improvement, write down what improvements you prefer to make in each of these areas as it relates to your personal growth.
Set a timeline on each goal – Begin with your short-term goals and then proceed to long-term goals
Write down your action plan – how do you plan to go about this process?
Review your plan – is this plan workable? Would you like to make a few changes or draw a new PDP?
Implement your plan – stick to your plan and follow your schedule
Review your progress – are you following the timeline? Are you progressing accordingly?
When you develop your own PDP, follow through with action and achieve your goals you would feel like you are on top of the world. You gain more confidence that your life is in your control. You get a great satisfaction. Take one step at a time and enjoy the process.
That is the key to success.
END.
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About the Author: Dr. Brons is the Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working coach. Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning to live by your own design. Visit his website at www.ajourneytojoy.com.
Motivation Strategies
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Success and achievement requires work, patience and motivation. Motivation can be viewed by some as a temporary solution to a permanent problem. What that means is, there is always something to do when it comes to success.
We need to succeed at better grades. We need to succeed at becoming more profitable in business. We need to succeed in our family life – being a better parent or spouse. We need to succeed financially – be it personally or business. We need to succeed physically. Maybe we need to drop a few pounds or add some muscle mass.
The bottom line is, we all need motivation on some level whether it’s for a short time or for an ongoing long time frame. Below are twelve ways that you can become more motivated for your success trail.
Some may be for you. Some may not. But with these you are sure to find at least one that works with your personality.
Reading –
Reading can be inspirational as well as motivational. It’s a form of learning, research, escape, entertainment and even training. Reading up on your desired goals can be motivational. For example, if you are wanting to get in shape, you may subscribe to a well known fitness magazine. The articles and pictures alone could be motivation to keep you on the treadmill or bench press.
Listening –
Listening is a lot like reading. But instead of being tied to a book, you can listen to motivational recordings just about anywhere. The most common place is the car. If you are working in an office setting away from your home, you may have a lengthy route to work. That’s a perfect time for motivational listening. If you have the luxury of listening while at home or in the office, a great way to further your motivation is to actually take notes of important points that you hear from your recordings.
Affirmation -
Affirmations are good for those of us who need repetition. Have you heard the saying, “Tell someone something long enough and they will eventually believe it.” Well an affirmation is that kind of motivational resource. Someone usually finds a saying that really charges them – something they really believe in – and they will write it down and read it daily, sometimes several times daily. This eventually will get in that person’s head and they will own it as a fact or part of who they are. The great thing about affirmations are, they can really take good information, motivational and inspiring information, and flood out the negativity that’s in your head. Out with the old (bad) and in with the new (good).
Visualization -
Here’s a powerful way to stay motivated. If you can see your outcome, a lot of times it will motivate you to see it through to the end. The only downside is it takes a little practice. But it is well worth the effort. Your results will show you how worth it.
Negativity -
Negativity is a harsh motivator. What I mean is, negativity is bad. But if you’re the kind of person that likes to take the negativity from people and feed it back to them by your positive results, then you have a great motivational technique by tuning into the comments of others who ‘don’t think it’s possible’. With this technique, you have to be careful that the negativity doesn’t rub off on your and you start to believe it.
Remembering why you’re doing what you’re doing is a great way to stay motivated. If you’re building wealth to give your family things they never dreamed possible. Just remembering that fact can motivate your drive harder than when you first thought about it. As time goes on, you will be more driven the more you remember your reasons.
Huge amounts of motivation are already in you. You just have to know how to tap into it. And if these half dozen motivational strategies are a start. If you don’t see one you connect, there are more coming!
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About the Author: Dr. Brons is the Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working coach. Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning to live by your own design. Visit his website at www.ajourneytojoy.com.
If I Could Only Ask Her
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
Inspired by hearing others speak about their mothers, I was thinking about the things my Mom used to say. You’ve probably heard these before. Maybe, like me, you’ve caught yourself saying them yourself.
Don’t make me stop this car.
Close that door! We don’t live in a barn!
Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Now that I am a mom and love my Mom very much, I wanted to try my hand at translating her words.
I share this because I want to love and understand my Mom. Perhaps this’ll resonate with you too.
I’m overwhelmed and doing the best I can do.
I’m saying the things that others said to me because I think I should.
Those are the only words coming to me when I feel stressed and exhausted.
I’m afraid, vulnerable, and afraid to tell you how I’m feeling and ask for what I need.
I don’t have all the answers and I think I should.
I’m uncomfortable asking for help. I want to trust that my needs matter.
My Mom died 6 years ago. I wish I could ask her if that’s what she meant.
“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” Henry David Thoreau
“The key is to not resist or rebel against emotions or to try to get around them by devising all sorts of tricks; but to accept them directly, as they are.” Takahisa Kora
We can create the space to engage with each other when we are in conflict so we can look through each other’s eyes. When two or more people live together, conflict is inevitable. Sure, some conflict is preventable. Some is not. Why not prepare to engage conflict? We have food in our fridge for times when we feel hungry or ask for a hug when we need closeness. Conflict also needs space and a plan.
Dominic Barter speaks about Restorative Circles (www.restorativecircles.org) a Restorative Justice model developed in Brazil. It’s been a very creative and compassionate way to engage with painful conflict in our family.
Dominic Barter writes:
“It is common for our responses to conflict to be organised around the desire to bring security and healing to those involved, and thus to focus on resolving conflict. This seems obvious only because it is a given for most people that conflict is problematic…Restorative Circles engage non-adversarily with the complex and often intense reactions to what was done. …They then seed new action. One consequence of this is to see conflict not as something that needs to be changed or managed, but as the expression of crucial feedback about personal and communal well being.”
Read the whole Restorative Circles Blog Post by Dominic Barter: Dedicated Spaces for Having Conflict and the video (4 mins, 42 seconds) http://www.restorativecircles.org/dedicated-spaces-for-having-conflict
Conflict is not the problem. Conflict alerts us that we have something very important to fight about. What do we value? What are we drawn to? Translating our words and actions into what’s important for us can help us to move from conflict to taking care of ourselves and our relationships.
Perhaps my mother may have said, “I’m feeling scared when I hear that volume in the car. Safety is important to me. Would you be willing to use a talking voice while we’re driving? Otherwise, I will park this car until I feel safe to go.”
If I had noticed my mother’s pursed lips, I may have asked, “Do you feel overwhelmed by our yelling because you want to drive safely? Hey everyone! Let’s keep our voices down until we get to the park!”
After that, if the conflict remains, I have hope that we can gather to talk about what we were looking for when we did what we did and share how we are about that now.
What space does conflict have in your family?
“Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.” Mother Teresa
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About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., MFCC, is a Master Family Communications Coach with training in Psychology, Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Circles, Collaborative Divorce, Grief and Bereavement, Reiki, and teaching. Her hands-on experience in transforming her own childhood violence into love motivates her to support other parents to create extraordinary family relationships. You can learn how to value everyone’s needs and work together, without giving up…and without giving in. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca for your free newsletter, gift, or coaching consultation.
Lessons from Popeye
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
I’ve spent many years loving Popeye the Sailor and the lessons he has taught me! One, of course, is to eat your spinach; but that is not the great one. Popeye is my favourite philosopher. It took me many years to learn his simple philosophy, “I is what I is and that’s all that I is”. Think on that one a while as your saying “This guy is nuts!” By the way, I am that too.
I spent too many years trying to be what other people thought I should be and not being who I really was. This “actor on a stage” life led me to a lot of places I didn’t want to go. It led me to trying to escape the false person who I had become. It took me to a very low spot in life, a spot I now call bottom. It helped make me sick and tired of being sick and tired. I lived irritable, restless and discontent. I wanted pleasure and I wanted it now.
Today, I know that that is not who I am and not who I was meant to be. I became what others wanted and acted how they expected. I played a role I was never comfortable in and when you’re not comfortable in your own skin, life is not a joy! Can you relate?
Today, I have accepted Popeye’s philosophy. To accept that I am what I am and that is just perfect for me has been a journey. Along the journey, I’ve had a lot of help and support. I have found and worked with people who have actually LISTENED to what I was saying and feeling, and have conscious contact on a daily basis as a result of this help with a power far greater than me. I’m thankful daily that I found this power within me and around me. From Hazelden:
I Am Who I Am — Sometimes we want to be someone else – anyone but who we are. We want to be someone who feels more free and at peace. We want to be someone who doesn’t have to take medications day after day. We want to be free of the pain and loneliness our illness has brought us.
Thought for the Day — When I look within, I will discover that accepting myself and being myself are far more fulfilling that expected.”
There is hope that the same changes can happen within any person who really wants to be their authentic self and is prepared to be honest, seek help and take action. Today’s life is far more than I ever expected and being just me is all that I need to be. It is nice to be true to myself and that small quiet voice within that I now listen to a follow as best I can. Popeye, you are simple but brilliant.
I would love you to share your thoughts on that, and if I can help you be your own Popeye, just ask.
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About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
People to Stay Away From
by Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Outrageous lifestyles of successful living are envied by most of the world. Are you part of the envied? Or are you part of the envying? If you are living a successful life by your own standards, congratulations. If you haven’t quite reached that level yet, then this article is for you.
There are several characteristics that those who practice successful living possess. The characteristics listed below are NOT any of them. In fact, they are the opposite. See if you possess these characteristics and, if you do, my advice to you is… change.
The Dreadful Dud
The dreadful dud is the person who answers questions with one word. Any time there is anyone who wants to initiate a conversation with the Dreadful Dud, the conversation is dead before it gets started. These people are not mean or necessarily rude. They just don’t believe they have much to contribute, so they cut it short as much as possible. Consequently, the conversations become fewer and fewer.
Eventually, the Dreadful Dud gets the reputation of the dull guy or girl. Or you might say he or she is a dud. Don’t be a dud. Practice your natural personality. Did you know that you were created to enjoy life? Did you know that life is meant to be tasted? There are juices inside to be experienced. When was the last time you took a chance? Live life as it’s something to be loved. Practice makes perfect. Practice passion. Practice charisma. It’s who you really are.
The Social Soloist
The Social Soloist is the person who never begins to live and love life. This person finds him/herself at home, alone, on the couch, every night, watching silly reality programs. The Social Soloist finds purpose in who is going to have to eat the next set of buffalo testicles or who is going to be kicked off an island.
The irony of the whole thing is the Social Soloist is at home experiencing nothing while he/she watches those who are actually living and loving life. Does that make sense? Instead of trying to escape through the boob tube, get out and meet people. If you must start small, invite some people over to watch a decent movie. Eventually, it will develop into a social fun time and, who knows, it just may move out of the TV room.
The Pitiful Procrastinator
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. Ever hear that one? How ridiculous! Have you ever known anyone that lived by this motto? How frustrating! The Pitiful Procrastinator always finds him/herself stressed out and behind in life. Why? They keep putting it off! Everything is always put off until later. Nothing is ever done in time. And when it eventually gets done, it’s shoddy and half-way completed. They just want to hurry up and get over with… whatever “it” is.
Laundry. Homework. Dishes. Meetings. Confrontation. Putting gas in the car. Changing Careers. You name it, it never gets done when it needs to get done. Life will pass the Pitiful Procrastinator by. And when it’s too late to make up his/her mind, regret will take hold. Do not let regret arise and dominate your mind. Instead, take control of your mind right now. Make a freakin list and stick by it! Don’t fall prey to the practice of the Pitiful Procrastinator. Remember, practice makes perfect.
The Unknown Optimist
These people have such positive energy they could suck the life out of the room if they were to make a phone call during a New Years Eve party. While everyone is having such a good time, making plans and looking forward to the future, the unknown optimist looks to the dark side. The unknown optimist looks to the dark side of everything. If you were to tell this person that he just one $1,000.000.00, he would say something like, “Great! Now I’m going to be in a higher tax bracket and have to pay more taxes.”
The unknown optimist lives in a vacuum that you do not want to live in. It’s the “everything sucks” vacuum. Take inventory of your overall attitude. Don’t take the extreme opposite route either. If you go to the opposite extreme, you’ll find yourself on the Pollyanna platform.
A great place to be is in the realistic but optimistic middle. While you’re there, be sure to live and love life.
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About the Author: Dr. Brons is the Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working coach. Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning to live by your own design. Visit his website at www.ajourneytojoy.com.
Seize Your Life’s Moments
Life is too short not to enjoy, so while you still have time, let your hair down and remove that “Boring” tag in your so-called life and start making it worthwhile. Below are some tips that will help you escape from your self-made rut and start controlling how you spend each waking hour of your day.
Keep a Positive Atmosphere. Stop whining about the things you don’t have and how wrecked you think your life is. Rather, enjoy what you have and work on getting the things you desire. Psychologists believe that optimism is a good defense against unhappiness, so it is better to keep your optimism alive. Moaning about your life will only attract negative vibes, so be wary.
Don’t Be Afraid to Take Risks. Life is all about taking risks; and that’s the exciting part of it. Get out of your comfort zone and don’t be afraid of rejection. Challenges and failure are part of life. Once you learn how to take risks, you’ll soon realize how good it feels not to let moments pass you by. Trust me, you’ll get more out of life than what you are asking for, if you keep on trying.
Carpe Diem. Enjoy the present and let go of the past. You only have one life, so make it worthwhile. Brooding on the past just hinders you from the things you should be enjoying at the present.
List The Things You Want to Do. Stop lazing around and give yourself something to be busy about. Write down a list of all the things you want to do and make a timeline, not to stress you out, but to remind you of your goals. Say, for example, you make a list of all the places you want to visit before you turn forty. No matter how unrealistic your dreams are, still jot them down. As what Paulo Coelho stressed in his book The Alchemist, “It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.” So don’t put limits to yourself because you’ll never know what may happen.
Try Out Something New. Getting into something or trying something unfamiliar for you may seem scary, but nothing is more fulfilling than being able to conquer your fear. If you are afraid of heights, try bungee jumping or sky diving, even just once. Who knows? You might enjoy it! The world is a big place and there are still lots of things waiting to be explored by you. Do the things you never did or even imagined doing before. Go to a foreign place where you know no one. Eat something exotic. And, yes, even the littlest act of donning short hair, when you have lived all your life sporting long hair, still counts.
For now,
Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
About the Author: Dr. Brons is the Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working coach. Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning to live by your own design. Visit his website at www.ajourneytojoy.com.
Trust
Trust is sometimes a dirty little five letter word. It is defined in Webster as a “firm belief or confidence in the honesty integrity, reliability, justice, etc. of another person or thing; faith; hope.” Wow, what a mouthful!
To trust means to allow oneself to be vulnerable to a person or thing. It is putting your hope and faith in a person believing that they will deliver or believing to receive the expected outcome. How many of us have been burned by this five letter word, therefore resulting in what we call “trust issues?”
From a personal standpoint, I have had to face my issues with trusting. If you are like me, you want to be able to trust and take others at their word believing for the expected outcome. When you have been let down or your trust has been betrayed on several occasions, trust becomes a major challenge. After betrayal of trust how can one get over trust issues? Truly, there is no easy way to get over trust issues or challenges. There is no quick fix, step by step magic formula that works for everyone. Let’s explore one major word that is at the heart of trust issues, vulnerability.
Trusting means you will have to allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone or something at some point in your life. In saying this let’s note that there are ways to be vulnerable and still maintain control. This doesn’t mean that you can avoid all hurt. When you walk into a vulnerable situation you have to understand that there is potential for let down and you prepare yourself for both the good and the bad. Yes, I am trusting I will receive the expected outcome, but if I don’t, where do I go from here. It is knowing that that things may change and what is my plan if I don’t receive that expected outcome.
One final note I want to make with regard to trust is the need for forgiveness. To help overcome trust issues and the hurt that results from broken trust is one’s ability to forgive. Our ability to trust must be married to our ability to forgive. Forgiving someone after they have broken your trust is easier said than done, however, if we do not forgive we have the potential to become bitter and bitterness can lead to physical ailments as well as emotional distress. We must learn how to trust and forgive. It is the key to long lasting and healthy relationships.
Learning to trust builds character and strength; allowing oneself to be vulnerable has its ups and downs; knowing you can move forward no matter the outcome is giving stability to an unknown future.
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About the Author: Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C., is owner of The Total Makeover Company, LLC, working to help enhance your personal growth. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit The Total Makeover, LLC, on the web at www.thetotalmakeover.com.
Creating Avenues
by Daris Reno Blickman, M.L.C.
Today’s economy has changed many lives, these changes have brought about difficult life experiences for many. Employment has changed, jobs lost, companies have shut their doors, libraries closing their doors and schools losing their funding sources. Corporations have lumped two jobs into one employees position, thus eliminating jobs and cutting their wage cost. Unfortunately this is added stress upon the employee creating exhaustion in our work force and family life at home leaving many of us wondering what should we be doing.
This past week I participated in a lecture at my son’s non traditional school. It is a great place for young teens and young adults who want to embrace being an individual in today’s society. It was so telling to see their faces, like sponges soaking up our words, listening to their ideas on many subjects. Many were bright students but not fitting in with the traditional public schools and their style of teaching. I looked out at the crowd in front of me and realized what a gift I had just been given. I had just figured out what was standing before me.
These students were asking, how do I find my interest, my passion and where is my path from here? What if I am different then what the traditional employers want? Are our paths all the same? I took a quick review of my own path in life and said , No, we are all unique and should embrace our individuality. In saying such I decided that Creating Avenues for ourselves must begin. These children are not our future, they are our Today, our Now. So I began to speak about creating our path, our journey. We own our paths, others do not, We have the right to create much of our path, sometimes we give this power to others for various reasons.
During the discussion we came to the conclusion that in today’s world, we need to create our place, our jobs and our connection to the community. Not everything needs to be traditional, in fact, creativity is more alive and well today then ever before. So if you look around and see that the jobs are limited, do not give up. Explore, find what you are good at, see if your passion in art, music, helping others, socializing, can become your career, part of your path.
These days more then ever, we need to step outside of the box, maybe even run around it a little bit, pick up some speed and find our way, just like our fathers, grandparents did many years ago. Maybe we can be inspired by our today’s children, to seek instead of waiting, to create instead of being created by others and find our passion, our path. Networking with others can also be a powerful tool and will create new avenues. After all, some knowledge, a lot of creativity and a whole bunch of motivation can take you a long way in life. Let’s aspire to be inspired together!
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About the Author: Ms. Daris Reno Blicknan, M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach. Daris is currently working with several Non Profits in the areas of disabilities, at risk teens and domestic violence issues. Daris is also a member of the Cherokee’s of Alabama and is involved with Public Relations work for the tribe. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
Attaining Your Goals Effectively
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Whether for the short or long term, every person in this planet has set a goal that needs to be reached. It may be small, like getting to work on time, or huge, like building a house in a year’s time, or even running for the U.S. presidency. Sometimes, these goals are met with flying colors. There are moments, however, when the effort ends with disappointment.
There are many reasons why some goals are not met. Needless to say, the failure to achieve them is often a key contributor to low self-esteem and drive. The trick to getting past the hard times? Don’t let them get to you and move on.
Between Goals and Success:
Success and goal attainment always come together. More goals set almost always translates to greater success. There are goal attainment strategies that are focused on things that should be always be accessible and available. These include powerful emotions like desire and passion. It also includes expectancy and the ability to identify your current state, as well as the creativity and imagination to build the path towards your goals.
There are several approaches to successful goal attainment, and their proper implementation could be the very element that can make or break your road to achievement.
The first approach in attaining your goals is to objectively scrutinize and appraise your abilities and skills.
Setting goals that are flexible and realistic is a great help. Don’t pressure yourself to buy a brand new car in 3 months if you’re earning only around $300 per month gross. Goals that are beyond one’s normal ability to meet are a dream to achieve, IF you get them. However, they can also lead to depression if you don’t.
Be open-minded when it comes to networking. Make friends. Establish connections. Just don’t do it too much to run the risk of looking like a desperate sycophant, of course. Keep learning about your goal and searching for various ways to get closer to it. You don’t need to take just one path. Explore other possibilities and expand your horizons. Who knows, you might find, along the way, that there are more important and more urgent goals that need to me reached.
The bottomline is, be original and don’t follow a template. What may work for your colleague when he got a promotion might not be the proper route for you. All these sound like a very rigorous process, but it’s really not. You will find, as you trudge through that realistic path you laid out, that everything can actually occur naturally and seamlessly.
Internal and External Barriers
Both internal and external barriers impede a person’s ability to take the first step towards a goal. Internal barriers include your fears. Fear of the unknown, the fear of looking stupid, fear of failure, and even fear of actually living success are the common and will definitely create negative impact. Pushing all these fears out and telling yourself that you can win will definitely help you deal with them effectively. You are the captain of your ship. You alone have the power to will these negative thoughts away.
External barriers include the lack of money, the requests and petition of the family, your kids and your work, even religion and culture. Most of these barriers are things you can’t really control towards your favor. Thus, like what life coaches usually say, don’t worry about things you cannot control and focus only on those you can change. So grab a pen and make a list of what you want to achieve; and once you’re done listing, take the first step. Go on, you can do it.
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About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his Website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Million Dollar Mentor
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
There is one way – a way that is faster – a way that is more helpful – a way that is less lonely – to become successful than the trial and error way. That way is to simply adopt a mentor.
For those who may be asking, “But what if I can’t find a mentor that will agree to mentor me?” Well, here’s a little secret.
Your mentor doesn’t even have to know. That’s right. It’s possible to have a mentor without ever even meeting him/her. This will require a little more attention to details of your mentor’s life. This is called an informal mentor. But even though it’s informal, it can be very powerful.
Of course, if you can find a mentor that will ‘take you under his/her wing’ that’s great too! But it’s not 100% necessary.
Here are a few things you will want to look for when choosing a mentor for yourself.
- Trust. After meeting or researching your mentor, you must decide if you can trust this person. If you can, you’ll want to move on to the next step in the selection process.
- Respect. Once you’ve decided on your mentor, there must be a mutual respect between the two of you (this is for the one-on-one mentorship). If your mentor ends up not respecting you, or if you don’t respect him/her, then the relationship is over. This is not usually a problem. It doesn’t happen often.
- Drive. Make sure your mentor has a drive to see that you succeed. You should know this after about 3 meetings. For those who are choosing an informal mentor, your research will reveal the drive. But chances are you’re not going to choose someone who isn’t successful. That person probably wouldn’t be successful unless they have drive.
- Direction. Your mentor should show you direction, either by telling you or by his/her actions. Your mentor will make suggestions, give examples and offer constructive criticism. This information can cut years off learning something vital to business and/or life. It is imperative to take the information into consideration. It could change your life.
There are two things that are important to note when speaking about mentors:
- When choosing an informal mentor, you want to get your hands on everything that your chosen mentor has written or recorded. This way, you will get to know him/her as well as possible. That will help you determine how your mentor would make decisions and will help you succeed faster.
- Another little secret about choosing mentors is you don’t have to limit it to one. That’s right! You can have more than one mentor. It may be a good idea to have more than one just from having a different perspective in any particular situation.
Now, start your list. Who will be your mentor(s)?
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About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his Website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Creating A Website That Attracts And Retains Clients
by Gary Glasscock, M.L.C.
How many times have you been surfing the Internet and clicked onto a site only to click right off again for one reason or another?
Perhaps the site took too long to load. Or maybe it was so poorly organized that you had no idea where to look for what you wanted. Maybe you got as far as actually ordering something, but the process was too complicated and you simply grew tired of trying to figure it out.
We’ve all been there. When you’re online, you expect instant access to the information you want, or you’ll leave. It’s as simple as that.
If fact, people take just 4 seconds when they land on a website to decide whether to stay or go. Count it in your head. That’s not a lot of time to convince someone to stick around and buy your product.
First impressions count if you want to convert your website traffic into sales or leads, so your site design is critical. And as with all successful businesses, it all comes down to planning. Here’s 5 things to consider when you create your website:
Map Your Site
Think about all the pages you want to have on your website. Home, About, Contact, possibly a link to your blog (which should be hosted on your own hosting account but that’s for a later article), Testimonials, possibly a product page or two, or anything else you want to include in your site. Then…
Lay It Out In Front Of You
Get out a pen and paper and create a chart showing how the pages of your site will link together. If About is a menu option, what pages do you want to include under that heading? For example, you might want to put the Contact Page as an item available through the About menu option. Draw it out and you will begin to see the structure of your Site Map, which brings us to…
Navigation Rules
Whatever your site looks like, you need to have the important information laid out in an “F” formation on your page. Various eye tracking studies have shown that people tend to visually track across the page in that “F” pattern.
Put the most important thing at the top of the page, perhaps in the header image. Then people look to the bottom of the header image, and that is the reason why you see so many web pages with the menu right under the header graphic. Lastly, the eye tends to go down the left side of the screen which is another place you see menus.
Keep this “F” configuration in mind when planning out the navigation of your website and when laying out the design of the website. If you have a menu under the header graphic or even in the header at the top, you can always use the left side of the website layout for promotion of your additional products, or for additional information. It’s your site and your choice, do as you wish.
Images & Graphics
The main question to consider when selecting graphics or images for your website is…
What message do you want to convey? Then ask yourself if the image or graphic you are looking at conveys that message. Use graphics and images sparingly and make sure you have a constant theme and message being conveyed between the images and the copy on the page.
The Copy
There’s been many different opinions on this over the years, but one truism continually arises. Your copy should sound like you are speaking to the individual reading it. Remember, you may have many people viewing a page on your website, but ultimately they are all looking at it by themselves. So speak to that person, that one person on the other side of that computer screen. Speak right to them, and make sure it’s in a conversational style, because you want to draw the reader into your message.
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About the Author: Gary Glasscock is a Master Life Coach, Technology coach/advisor, computer geek for 24 years, Business building Coach. Gary’s passion is helping people to help others by assisting them in building successful businesses. Gary is Chief Training Officer of Quest Coach Training and offers the Strategic Business Tactics Course to help train Coaches advanced business-building and marketing techniques and strategies to assist the Coach in building a profitable practice. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
Get Over It!
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
Just when you think you cannot stand to talk about it one more second, you start telling your tales of woe and trauma all over again. A fresh set of ears so you can start the saga again. Do you catch yourself doing this? Have you ever noticed this in other people?
I have! I have done it! What I know is that if I am still talking about it and waiting for someone to have an emotional response to my situation…then I am NOT OVER IT!
What is important to recognize is that every time the story is repeated, the nervous system reengages wrapping around the trauma one more time. The nervous system is then unable to let go so the immune system starts to get weaker. The unresolved issue can manifest a physical ailment like tension, headaches, anxiety, colds, digestive problems, and the list continues until you manifest a terminal or chronic condition.
When you do not have to tell your story to solicit the other person’s compassion, sympathy, empathy, or outrage, and you tell it without charging up your own emotions then you are done with it. I am not saying you should never utter another word about it, quite the contrary, try telling the story as if you were a detached third-party observer. If you succeed, you are over it and it is okay to tell it. In addition, when your story has an inspirational ending, shout it from the rooftops.
The big question remains: how do you get over it? Well that is different for everyone. As a coach, I like to let the person roll with it and then I ask, “What do you need to have happen in order to let go of this…?” Hearing the same story continually, prompts me to ask if they know they are stuck in the situation.
Now, ask yourself some important questions: Is this situation worth my own demise? Is this situation something I want to have rule me for the rest of my life? If I cannot get over it on my own, am I willing to find help? Am I truly willing to let it go?
Are you willing to let go? The next step is to process the unresolved issues by journaling, exercising, meditation, or professional assistance. Then close the door, walk away, and GET OVER IT!
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Getting Kids to Listen
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
A response to the question: How do I get my children to communicate or to listen to basic requests?
Notice what your child is doing. Is she focused on a particular project or a phone call? Is he deep in thought?
Communication is a little like merging into highway traffic. Look ahead, match your speed with the traffic speed, find a place to fit in, and then join the line of cars when the timing is right. Rushing into a child’s room expecting her to pay attention to you is like leaping from the on-ramp into oncoming traffic. It’s an accident waiting to happen. Are you trying to speak without the other’s full attention?
When lovers court each other, they slow down and gaze into each other’s eyes. When a new baby is born, parents gaze into her eyes. When rapport is good, people begin to mirror each other’s body language. 90-95% of what we communicate is nonverbal. I suggest that you begin there. When you don’t know what to say, stay present in silence.
Merge with your child. Find out what he’s interested in in that moment. When he has your attention, then you can ask for his. Even if your child wants to do something else, you’ll likely be able to better understand that intention rather than thinking that he’s ignoring you. If you need to interrupt, say so. Treat your child as you would like to be treated. For example: “Excuse me, can I get your attention?” Then, ask for what you want while linking it to the needs you want to meet. For example, you might say, “Take out the trash, please.” and it may be heard. Requests are better understood when prefaced with a clear need and connection. Try something like “Remember when we agreed that you’d take out the trash after dinner while I did the dishes?” When you get a nod and smile, ask, “Could you do that now?”
What if you’re not getting the nod and the smile? The child’s attachment to you and the relationship between you and your child may need some attention. Before focusing on the behaviour you don’t enjoy in the moment, first establish good rapport with your child. For example, before talking about the trash, be sure your child is enjoying your company in the moment. We spend much of our day telling our children all the ways they are behaving badly. Begin to spend more time each day enjoying each other’s company, sharing a meal, chatting about what’s important to them, and sharing your stories. I know this gets harder the older the child. However, there is no other way. Your heart already knows how to do this. Forget all the parent training that says that children should do this or that at such and such age. The fastest way to win our children over is through their hearts. They need to depend on us to be there for them and listen to them. They need to know that we will take care of them and our relationship with them. When our kids feel secure, they are likely to help out around the house if that’s what we’re looking for.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., MFCC, is a Master Family Communications Coach with training in Psychology, Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Circles, Collaborative Divorce, Grief and Bereavement, Reiki, and teaching. Her hands-on experience in transforming her own childhood violence into love motivates her to support other parents to create extraordinary family relationships. You can learn how to value everyone’s needs and work together, without giving up…and without giving in. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca for your free newsletter, gift, or coaching consultation.
Great Thing … People!
by Robert Gregory, MS., MLC.
In their book The Leadership Challenge, Kouzes and Posner tell us if we are not committed to the people they will not be committed to the customer. If we are not committed to our people how can we expect them to be committed to not just the customer but also the mission and vision of the organization? The first principal I believe to be critical for leadership is what Parker Palmer refers to in his book The courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher’s life. “The Great Thing”. I am not referring to a product or theory, rather the people who make up an organization. It is important to be excited about putting the people first because the people will ultimately determine success or failure for the organization.
If people are the most important part of the leadership challenge then we must focus first on the individual(s) that comprise the leadership. The leader must strive to avoid what Freire in his book The Pedagogy of the oppressed refers to as the central problem. As leaders we do not want to be oppressive regarding our followers. If we are oppressors we risk causing the duality Freire explains as, “to be, is to be like the oppressor consequently both the leader and follower manifest dehumanization within the organization” (p. 48). This means that oppressive leadership will be passed down through the leadership to the followers causing dysfunction in the organization.
A leader should develop their own personal value statement along with the core values by which they live their life. For example, a value statement I live by is, excellence in every endeavor honors God and is inspirational for my personal walk as well as those I lead. The core values I apply to my life are faith, respect, truth, humility, servanthood, integrity, and love. Effective leadership depends on the ability of the leader to set the example for the followers. I agree with Kouzes and Posner, the two essentials for accomplishing this are “building and affirming shared values, and aligning actions with values” (p. 77). It is my opinion the key to my leadership philosophy and style is aligning my actions with my values; I need to demonstrate that what I say is actually what I am doing because actions speak louder than words.
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Freire, P., (2000). Pedagogy of the oppressed, Continuum International Publishing Group Inc, New York, NY. (Original work published 1921)
Kouzes J. M., & Posner B. Z., (2003). The leadership challenge. San Francisco: John Wiley & Sons.
Palmer, P. (1998). The courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher’s life. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
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? About the Author: Robert Gregory MS, MLC, is a current partner with Target Life Coaching LLC, Our goal at Target Life Coaching is to help improve the client’s life walk with the following principals, patience, kindness, truthfulness, trust, being slow to anger, forgiveness, and love. If you desire a meaning and purpose in life we at Target Life Coaching can help you discover, pursue and capture your heart’s desire. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit Target Life Coaching LLC, on our web at www.targetlifecoaching.com and join our blog spot at http://targetlifecoaching.blogspot.com.
Harmony at Home = Success
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Success and happiness versus questionable success and happiness: That’s the topic of this article. In which category do you fall? Do you know? Let’s take a look at what both are defined as and then discuss what makes up each.
Two couples. Both with six members in their families. The wife of each is a first grade teacher for a well-known elementary school in the area. Both husbands are entrepreneurs, but in different industries.
Couple One:
Higher middle-class and little to no debt. The wife is a God-fearing woman who tries to do right by her family. The husband goes to church with her on occasion. The children go with their mom as often as she goes (twice a week).
Couple Two:
Middle middle-class with a ton of debt. The husband tries to do what’s right, being the leader of the family. He tries to lead Spiritually as well. Although not perfect, he is a God-fearing man and his wife follows his example. Now, even though this is not a religious topic, it’s important to see the background of each person in this example so you know where they are physically, spiritually and emotionally as much as possible.
Now that you know a little more about each couple, which one do you think is more happy and feels more successful at home?
If you say couple one, why?
If you say couple two, why?
Well, I’ll tell you. Couple two would be considered more successful and happy – even though they have more debt and earn less money. You see, it’s not about the amount of money made. It’s not about the places you go or the people you know. Being successful at home starts in the home. Square one is the couple and how they deal with every little situation that effects their family. The very things that could destroy their marriage are the very things that strengthen their commitment to each other and to their family.
Here are just three of the intangible things that you must have to make your home a success. There are many more. But start with these, and you’ll notice a huge difference if you’re not using them already.
Communication
Even though couple one has more debt, they understand what that means. They have pegged the problem, talked about how to overcome it and are constantly keeping open lines of communication open to get rid of the debt. They don’t play the blame game. The are a couple and they work through it as a couple. Another key to this is to not fall into the debt trap again. They understand that and have communicated to each other that it won’t happen again.
Compassion
Compassion is something you must give away for it to be effective in a relationship. When someone wrongs you, if you have compassion for them, it’s called forgiveness. If you see someone less fortunate than you, and you give to them, it’s call charity. If you are married and you continually forgive and give unconditionally to your spouse, it’s called love. Compassion is the epitome of unselfishness. You need it to be successful in the home.
Coping
Let’s not paint a Pollyanna picture here without bumps, bruises, troubles or trials. The truth is there will be problems along the way. Tempers will flare. People will get hurt. But just knowing this can help you get through it. If you decide right now, that when you DO get hurt – and you will – that you will deal with it in a way that will help you get through it, the intensity of the blow will be lessened exponentially. This is a powerful coping strategy. There are millions of people today who haven’t been raised, taught or conditioned with the ability to cope with problems they face during life. That’s one reason depression rates have skied in the past 10 years.
The good news coping isn’t too difficult. Most of the time you can prepare ahead of time to cope before your situation even arises. If you can do that, you’ve won before you even have to get started. It’s as simple as a decision. These three areas are where couple number two started. That’s where a lot of their harmony in the home comes from. There are a lot of other tools and strategies that can be used. But master these three and you’ll be ahead of the happiness at home curve.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
How Fears Develop
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
There have been talks about fears and phobias, and how they affect life. Fear is really the misconception, the rejection, and the dread of life.
There are thousands of life definitions available around. Often, these meanings seek or require a happy, if not perfect, life in this world. We are urged to seek out a paradise or a niche of refuge where we can build our utopia or ideal world.
But what really is life? If we honestly study human drama in history, we would see that real life is the concoction of good and bad, sad and happy. How to be happy in all these circumstances is what you make out of your life. We all create our life meanings. We cannot just borrow others’ meanings or get one from a book. We discover real life through actual life encounters. How we end up after each ordeal gives us our real life.
Life is a concoction of both extremes. Real life entails going through these ordeals. When you reject this idea and look for other life meanings — the kind where you live happily ever after — fears start to develop. You begin to look for fairy tale stuffs in life and reject the ones you actually have. Fear comes in, rejecting what is real. People who live in war zones have a realistic idea of life: You live now; you may die the next moment. They see that life is temporary — which is the truth. Thus, they are prepared to die anytime. Fears are still intact, but considerably lessened.
People who reject the truth are afraid to look at scenes of death or tragedy. The more they reject them, the more the fear grows within them. Many books on fears tell their readers to avoid seeing violence. You ought not to look for violence and watch it, but you ought not to close your eyes to it when there is one right under your nose. Life will always show you both extremes.
Mother Theresa was a non-violent person. Yet, she watched injustice and violence everyday, right where she was. She didn’t feel fear for these daily scenes; instead she felt love and concern in the midst of it all. She knew and lived a real life. Jesus Christ and Mahatma Gandhi were for non-violence. Yet they found real meaning and real life as they were caught in the middle of chaos and turmoil. These excellent people lived the real life. They even conquered others’ fears.
The rejection of the real life is the start of real fears. Fearful and phobic people refuse reality and build their own fantasy world..
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
How to be Enthusiastic
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
In life, we are faced with many different challenges and obstacles. Most of the time, we face these challenges with a pout on our face, or a frown – probably because we don’t like the things that we are doing. Some of the situations in life are usually forced upon us while others are put upon us at an unexpected time. Now how do we deal with all of these? And how do we face up to these problems with a smile on our faces?
These are actually several ways in which we can curb our enthusiasm to have a healthy and free lifestyle, free from the bondages of facing up to the challenge with a bucket of timidity.
If the situation is put upon you unexpectedly, don’t treat it as a burden. Treat it as a challenge. If you don’t know how to start or where to start, get some help. Always remember that there are people out there who are still willing to help you, and I can assure you that they are more than happy to help you. If an employer wishes you to do something that is not in your job description, ask a co-employee who is familiar with the job to help you with it.
Always remember to relax and to have fun always. Life is full of stressful situations that would require you to do otherwise, but hey, don’t give in to the situation. In fact, do something to change the situation. By relaxing, what I mean is to find a hobby that would totally relax you – read a book, watch television, sleep or go out and have fun with friends. That way, when you go back to the challenge awaiting you, you are free to look at it in a different light. Heck, it might even be a lot of fun doing it!
Smile always. There have been reports that say that there are more muscles needed to frown than to smile, and remember the old adage, “laughter is the best medicine”? Give yourself a break once in a while and don’t be all too serious. We can’t help it if life is too full of challenges, but what we can do is to make life worth living for us: smile and laugh – two of the best remedies in this lifetime.
When you are faced with a task so challenging that you feel that everything is drained out of you, remember these simple tips. It might only give you enthusiasm to face the challenging and daunting tasks that you encounter everyday, it can even help you save your life!
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
I Don’t Get It!
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Last night, as is my norm on Thursday nights, I attended a regular small group discussion focused on the recovery of life.
How often I hear these words from clients and/or people I sponsor. I constantly witness insanity at work; doing the same thing repeatedly expecting different results! DUH—don’t get it?
In my pro bono service work I try to never say no to someone who genuinely asks for help IF I am qualified to help. In my paid coaching work, because I guarantee results, I am very particular as to who I accept as clients. In both cases, to get it, to make very big life changes-not just living addiction free- requires many things.
I have studied psychology and read a great many books on change, motivation, success, spirituality and many other related topics; materials presented by very well known people. They all add to my knowledge base. HOWEVER, my bible for life change remains the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. A book not written by a noted shrink, but by people who have walked the walk!
In Chapter 5 of this book, on pages 58 and 59, there is a chapter called “How It Works”. Most who read go directly to the 12 steps, but the simple truths appear before getting that deeply into the chapter.
The chapter begins “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. It promises a high likelihood of failure to people who will not follow this simple program.
I have noted following a simple program is tough for intelligent people, they seem to have the answers, and the answers they have are complicated. To get the life you want, the book states that having the capacity to be honest is needed. And this means honest to self on all matters. Rigorous honesty is called for.
If you want the life and results you espouse to, you must be willing to go to any lengths to get them. What is complicated about “any lengths”? Experience has shown me that those who don’t get it are those who define the lengths they are prepared to go to. When I guarantee my paying clients results, it is with the clear stipulation that they be totally honest to themselves and to me, and do the work assigned without question. To date, all who have done so have got results.
As the book goes on to say “At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier softer way. But we could not.” There is no shortcut to success. Ask those who took part in the easy money schemes that are now unfolding. Generally, you reap what you sow.
To get results we need help- help from a power greater than ourselves. I am not religious, but know that if I had depended on me solely to get the life I really wanted; insanity as noted above would have prevented my achieving my goals. Simple truth. While not religious personally, I have found a real higher power within me (and we all have it) which has been a constant source of strength. You may need some help to know where to look. It’s there!
The book states and I have witnessed it in action, “Half measures availed us not. We stood at the turning point”. Don’t do the work and it is likely you’ll make the wrong turn. Simple truth!
When my head got into the place where all this stuff made sense, I was ready to take action, and funny thing, I was able to get it! I love coaching others through the process of readiness and the action that follows it. Those who are committed get it despite themselves, but it is a leap of faith.
In a few minutes I will speak with a “pro bono” “friend” who for five years has not got it. We will go over the same basic stuff again because he states he is struggling and not getting it. He is a highly trained professional who suffers frequently from depression (funny, alcohol and pot are chemical depressants) and has harmed his professional practise. He is at risk of losing his cherished family and has deeply hurt and adversely affected those he is closest to. His reputation amongst friends and peers has been tarnished (bad mental hygiene and addictions are the worst kept “secret” in town). His ego (self-pride) on the outside appears large; his self-esteem/self-love is very low. He can rationalise and complicate most things, yet he tells me he just doesn’t get it.
Wonder why? Could it be that he is not willing to go to the lengths necessary?
I certainly don’t have all the answers. I’ve trained and constantly upgrade to be the best value I can be to others. Daily I do the best I can to walk the talk. I’ve traveled my own road of life recovery, have used much “outside” professional help when needed and as you can tell from my bible, stay close to the basics that have helped millions improve their mental hygiene.
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About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Learn to be Courageous
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Courage is also known as bravery. It is the ability to face fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. It is called ‘physical courage’ while facing physical challenges such as pain and hardship and ‘moral courage’ while enduring shame and discouragement.
The opposite of courage is fear. Courage makes your fear disappear. Courage is an important quality or character that you should have in order to face life’s many challenges.
Is it possible for all of us to have courage?
Well, yes. Courage also means overcoming fears. In that sense we all could learn to overcome most of our fears. You should develop courage in yourself first so that you could instill courage in others – your children, your family, your spouse and your staff at work. If you do not know what courage is and you do not have it, how could you teach others?
How do you overcome fears?
Learn to curb your fears – You should realize that everyone is afraid of something or the other. Courage does not mean absence of fear. Courage is control over your fear. A courageous person acts in spite of his fear to move forward.
Face your fears – Fears disappear the minute you stare at them. Your fear takes over you when you get scared and back away from a fearful situation. The fear looms over you and becomes more powerful. The only way you could develop courage is to be aware of your fear and confront it consciously and continuously. As you face each fear-inducing situation as a challenge your fears become weaker and you grow stronger.
Desensitize yourself to your fears – There is a technique called ‘Systematic desensitization’ which is used to treat phobias and other extreme or erroneous fears based on principles of behavior modification. In this technique you do a fearful act over and over until it has no more power over you. Your courage and confidence would grow more and more as you repeat the action several number of times. Finally your fear simply disappears once for all.
Your action plan in your efforts to overcome fear could include the following steps:
Define what courage is in your mind – it could be learning to drive, staying alone at home, going for a walk alone, swimming, etc. People are afraid of so many different things and what is simple to you may not be so for the other person.
Identify your fears – know your fears first.
Write down a list of all your fears – Be honest to yourself and do not be ashamed of admitting your fear of even the silliest thing in life.
Once your list is done, write down specific actions that you could possibly take in order to overcome those fears.
Prioritize your tasks.
Start taking action today.
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Live Life With No Regrets
by Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C.
What does it mean to live life with no regrets?
When I sat and thought about this topic I began to reminisce about the things that I have accomplished and not accomplished in my life so far. I could honestly say that I have more that I have not accomplished then accomplished. This took me back to my list of goals and dreams. On this list was a variation of things from education, career, family and pleasure. What was hindering me from accomplishing things on this list? I could easily start the blame game and point fingers to implicate those that I feel have hindered me or situations that stopped me from moving forward. As I sat and ponder the thought some more I realized that I was the biggest hindrance to my somewhat unfulfilled life.
I took out a pen and some paper and begin to jot down all the things that I have allowed to keep me from pursuing my goals and dreams. The biggest and first thing on my list was fear. Fear is the emotion that is the main cause or hindrance to the fulfillment of most dreams and goals. Fear can be debilitating. If you allow it to, it could ruin your life and keep you from living your life to the fullest. Fear stands for:
* Failure
* Embarrassment
* Anxiety
* Rejection
It was my fear of failure, embarrassment, anxiety and fear of being rejected that held me back from pursing my dreams or trying new things. It was these four things that kept me from moving forward. Now that I had identified the main ingredient or component to my problem, what was I going to do about it? As I gave it more thought, I decided that facing my fear was my course of action. I had to take fear by the horns, look it dead in the face and refuse to allow it to dominate my life.
The next thing I did was take each goal I wanted to accomplish and right down all the things that kept me from completing that goal. I wrote down all the steps that fear would not allow me to move past and start to complete each step. I knew that this part would be the biggest hurdle to jump. I had to do things that would send me in hiding in the past. I had to face these challenges in order to start living my life with no regrets. What would be the biggest downfall to facing these challenges? Would I be rejected or embarrassed? The bigger question was what would happen if I never faced these challenges? Would I look back years from now and think of the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve? Would I feel fulfilled not knowing if I could have succeeded in an area or if my dream would have come alive and lived?
I decided that looking back years from now and seeing what could have been was worse than the little rejection or embarrassment that I might encounter. This journey of ‘No Regrets’ is one that I am willing to face just to be able to say been there done that and I have no regrets!
END.
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? About the Author: Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C., is owner of The Total Makeover Company, LLC, working to help enhance your personal growth. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit The Total Makeover, LLC, on the web at www.thetotalmakeover.com.
Live Life With No Regrets – Part Two
by Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C.
In my last article I talked about fear being one obstacle that keeps us from accomplishing goals and pursing our dreams. Let’s take a deeper look into the word fear.
Fear is one of the nastiest four letter words in our human vocabulary. This word holds power. Fear has the power to take down the most influential person. It also has the power to control every move you make. Let’s break down this word and see if we can make sense of it all.
Failure – is one of the components of fear. Fear tells us we will fail if we try. We will be known as the person who failed at this or failed at that. The fear of failure does not listen to the golden rule – If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. I can truly understand a person not trying because they fear failure. No one wants to fail, but we can’t let fear dictate our actions, calculate our every move and determine our destiny.
Embarrassment – Who wants to be embarrassed? In this very competitive world we live in it is easy to see how embarrassment can be a component of fear. Everyone is competing to be the best, do the best and have the best. I have a friend that is just about good at anything she puts her hand to. She is gifted in many things, including some things I have always wanted to try. I often find myself pulling back from trying things for fear that I will be embarrassed for not being as good as she is. The truth of the matter is we all are unique and have unique ways of doing things. Just because my friend maybe better at something doesn’t mean I should be embarrassed because I am not on the same level.
Anxiety – another component of fear that would take any man or woman down. Some goals are so big that it would cause the most confident person to be uneasy, apprehensive or even worried. Stepping into the unknown is a hard thing to do. Pursuing your dreams or accomplishing your goal may mean having to try or do things that are unfamiliar or make you apprehensive or even worried at times. That’s when you need to step back and re-evaluate your reasons for wanting to accomplish this goal, find out if the good out ways the bad and if it’s worth pursuing. If you still feel that this is what you must do, jump in with both feet.
Rejection – the last component of fear. No one on earth likes to be rejected. Everyone wants to be accepted. This can be in personal relationships and even work relationships. It is human nature to want to fit in or have a sense of belonging. Rejection is the worst component of fear. It is rejection that is sure to cause a person to walk away or give up. Hearing the word no is hard when you are reaching for something you truly desire in your heart. The biggest challenge is getting past the rejection and seeing it as just another hurdle or wall to knock down.
If you can get past all of these components of fear you can accomplish any goal and fulfill your dreams. It is time to start living life with no regrets!
END.
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? About the Author: Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C., is owner of The Total Makeover Company, LLC, working to help enhance your personal growth. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit The Total Makeover, LLC, on the web at www.thetotalmakeover.com.
Living Life the Simple Way
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
Everyone says they want to lead a simple life, but only a few have the guts to walk their talk; because, the truth of the matter is, people have a hard time leaving behind their complicated but ostentatious lives, in exchange for a simple one. But, contrary to the notion, leading a plain and unfussy life doesn’t entail you having to give up all your belongings to go and live among the mountains. Below are some tips that will shed light to the true meaning of living in simplicity.
Make a list of all the things that complicate your life. List down all the things that you think perplex the current status of your life. They can be credit card debts, the huge mortgage on your house, rising taxes, not having enough quality time with family and friends, working 14 hours a day 6 days a week, heavy traffic on your way to the office, numerous appointments and commitments; the lists is endless.
Though some of the previously mentioned things may not outwardly appear to make your life complicated, a lot of them actually make going through the day difficult, without you knowing it. The best way to deal with them is through the process of elimination. After writing down the things that complicate your life, identify which of them you could possibly avoid. Of course, things such as duties and taxes, house loans, and the like, are already beyond your control. But matters like spending too much time in the office, missing a family event, and credit card bills can still be manipulated and better managed if you really want to.
Reminisce the good ole’ days. Life today seems to be always played in fast forward. In fact, it’s so fast that, sometimes, people find it hard to cope with its stresses and demands. When everything feels too complicated, press the “Pause” button for a while and backtrack to the good old days — the time when all you could care about was to play with your neighborhood clique, spend time with your high school buddies, and worry about what to wear on your very first date.
Life was so simple before, yes. No big debts to pay, no insurance companies bugging you; in short, less worries. So, if you are determined to live a simpler life from what you have right now, just remember that anytime you can take a trip down memory lane and recall how carefree you were then. It’s a relaxing exercise that might even help you make better decisions about your life at present.
Be willing to change. If you really want to change, have the willpower and humility to make some alterations in your life. No one says that change is easy, especially when you have lived grandiosely most of your life. But, you can, if you work hard for it. Switching from complex to simple does not happen overnight so you have to be patient. Recognizing the need for change is step one toward living a less stressful life.
Take In and Take Out. When something new comes in, the old goes out. It’s time to rummage through your things and inside your mind and search for whatever is no longer practical and useful. Let go of the things that have ceased to serve their purpose, particularly those that remind you of sad times in the past. If you haven’t used or worn something for a year already, send it on its way to charity organizations, where someone may be able to utilize it more. Clearing your life from clutter frees you from the task of having to worry about organizing them. The same goes for the clutter in your head.
Go low-tech. Come to think of it, having phones, email accounts, and computers at home are already a necessity. Simplifying your life does not mean that you have to go back to the stone age, live inside a cave, and write your term papers using a typewriter, when you have the option to use a computer. We really can’t escape technology, so we really have no choice but to deal with it. However, we also cannot allow it to rule our lives. Go for a walk around the block, read a book, spend a few hours away from the television and stop to smell the roses, literally. You’ll be thankful for the refreshing change.
When life is starting to get you down and all the stresses seem to be engraved into your life, always realize that you are the captain of your ship. You will not feel engulfed by your responsibilities if you don’t let them. It’s easy to say that simplifying your life will do the trick, but actually doing it will require sheer willpower on your part. But, as the saying always goes, if you want it bad enough, the universe will eventually conspire to give it to you. So kick off those shoes and relax.
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Love
by Daris Reno Blickman, M.S.L.C.
Love,
Is a fascinating word and mysterious meanings behind the word,
It has different meanings according to each individual and each element that the word Love enters into,
I have spoken with many over the years about the word Love, I have asked many to define the word and here are some of the responses given:
Love;
A feeling that is above any other feeling
The moment you look at someone and realize that life is shallow without them
The joy and warm that someone gives you without judgment but acceptance of you as a person
My children who are untainted by the world, when they look at me and I see my reflection in their face, I know that it is pure emotion that can tame my spirit with one tear,
The giving of ones heart unconditionally to another, without regret or agendas,
Love is pain that has never been felt before and happiness that gives wings to soul
The loss of pride and to gain empathy towards one who hurts you but yet you forgive them,
And the list grows onward.
Love, to describe such is to explain what emotion is, Have you tried to describe happiness, being angry, sad? Usually we choose just a different emotion to describe the first emotion.
So I shall talk about love,
The heart and spirit has many different levels, rooms, and is capable of encompassing all emotions, We as humans rarely understand completely the emotion love, for it is different from circumstance to circumstance, person to person and individual to individual, Some of us can love on many different levels, Some of us cannot, we are stuck on the first level, this is one of feeling, some connection, but usually not the deep lasting connection that attaches our heart strings together, Others love on the highest plane and cannot understand why it is not so for everyone.
We must remember that the Creator has made us different, some have followed their path, some have stayed in the middle road and some has decided that love is work, painful, exhausting and will settle for the Superficial love. The love of convenience, when it is needed by them, they will participate, then dance away,
There is the Conditional Love, the love that is bought, is bargained for and held as weapon or reward for deeds done and undone, this is the destructive love, one that takes from us our self value, our rights to think freely, for we must prove to that individual that we are worthy of love, We must remember that we are all worthy of love but we must give it in purity and seek it in the same manner for it to be healthy love,
We have the Unconditional Love, one that is given freely, without judgment or remorse, one that we allow to come into our lives and we take the lumps it gives to us. Children many times give unconditional love and some of us use it, abuse it for our benefit, how sad for the children, for they gave in purity and we took from them without shame. Unconditional love seeks forgiveness and connection to others, it thinks of them first, me second. It can be abused if given to the wrong person, for we usually up martyring ourselves to no avail.
We have many types of love or the emotion we call in the name of Love, the Brother/Sister love, which I have just recently experienced through the birth of a new family, it is a secure love, one of acceptance and belonging, one that I will hold on to and cherish forever, We have the Friend love which many times falls into the Family love category, Now I hear the voices whispering, You just don’t know my family, I will stick with the friends! I say this,
The bottom line is Healthy Love, this is what we should seek, not the love that comes with agendas, or the Quest and Conqueror Love which only wants you until they have you and then you hear the words, NEXT!
Healthy Love is made up of many steps, Compassion, Communication, Compromise, and Connection. I guess the fifth C would be for the word Courage, For it will take Courage to accomplish the other four with pure of heart,
We all try our hand at the mysterious word Love, to see what it is and to learn from the journey,
I am still learning myself what Love is and what I want and need in this emotion along with what pure love I can give in return,
What have you learned?
After all Love can be a successful journey if we simply remember this,
Failure is Success, if it is lesson learned and then applied to our life’s path, We should all strive toward healthy love in any relationship.
END.
? About the Author: Ms. Daris Reno Blicknan, M.S.L.C., is a Certified LIFE Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach. Daris is currently working with several Non Profits in the areas of disabilities, at risk teens and domestic violence issues. Daris is also a member of the Cherokee’s of Alabama and is involved with Public Relations work for the tribe. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.
Loving What You Do – Discipline
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
It’s been a challenging week. Car unexpectedly needed an expensive repair, drove a ton of miles to take a lady into detox and then pick her up, got a “bug” from celebrating Easter in very close proximity to my 2 year old grand daughter, was let down by someone allegedly in the program in a distant city who I asked to reach out to the lady who was detoxing in her town, and so on.
I am grateful to be able to get the car fixed and take the lady to and from detox and share, detox was good for her even though the person I had asked to reach out didn’t, I’m getting over the “bug” and did some volunteer work this morning cleaning up the local golf course plus some “12th step work” and through the help of my higher power, “you people” and several outside the program experts, I’m living a life that is allowing me to do things I love! I am grateful to better understand the discipline I needed for me to get there. In keeping with this feeling, a very good reading:
My father taught me that only through self-discipline can you achieve freedom.
Pour water into a cup and you can drink. Without the cup, the water would splash over.
The cup is discipline. –Ricardo Montalban
It is no accident that the words discipline and disciple come from the same root. To be a disciple of any path, one must be disciplined. Life works best when we learn to discipline ourselves.
Discipline liberates rather than confines you. Discipline allows you to function with ease and grace. After years of practicing his strokes, a tennis player can hit the ball without having to think about it. What once took conscious effort is now second nature.
Unfortunately, many of us had discipline forced upon us as children. Naturally, we rebelled against an externally imposed structure. We were not shown that true discipline always comes from within, and the motivation for that urge is love. When we are doing what we love, when we are pursuing something that has meaning, discipline comes naturally. As one Olympic athlete explained, “I don’t mind working out every day. Because I love what I am doing, my training is not a burden but a joy.”
Discipline is your ticket to freedom and path to excellence. Choose to be disciplined in all your endeavours and become the master of yourself and your life.
END.
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? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Merry Little Smiles
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
For the month of November a few of my friends and I participated in a little challenge on Facebook, we wrote on our walls everyday what we were most thankful for that particular day. It may sound easy to find one thing to be grateful for everyday, but there were a couple of days where I had a difficult time finding a thing for which I was grateful. Although I managed to find something every day, I was fascinated by the challenge.
For December, in the spirit of Christmas being Merry, I challenged my friends to write what they were merry about or what brought them a smile each day. I have been able to find something that made me smile every day, and I have absolutely loved the process. A couple of my friends participate as they have the time, and I enjoy and gain many smiles over seeing what makes them smile.
What I have learned is that I started looking for my smiles, I started acknowledging my smiles, and I started sharing my smiles. The best part was—my smiles became other people’s smile. Smiles are truly contagious.
So how do you smile? When do you smile? What makes you smile? Take the challenge, acknowledge your smiles, and enjoy your little moments of joy. As the Holiday Season is upon us, take a moment in all the chaos that occurs around this time of year to RECOGNIZE SMILES.
END.
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Choices to Panic or Prepare: Part 1
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
In the last few months our natural health practice has been inundated with fears of the flu questions. This is our response:
The Little WHO that cried Flu recently created a world of panic and mania around what seems at this point to be little more than a regular old garden-variety influenza. As I write this less than 200 people globally have died from the H1N1 virus (or swine flu), yet it is estimated that nearly 100 people die every day in the United States alone just from seasonal flu. This 100 people/day figure is up for question because it is outdated by about eight years, but startling nonetheless.
So the question I pose is: do we choose to panic or can we just be prepared and move on with our lives. The choice for me is simple be prepared. What the media did not explain during their world wide pandemic coverage was the rules of the road for avoiding the flu. Wearing a mask will not stop you from getting the flu. Wearing a mask while you have the flu can help you to not spread it around, but even then the mask can get saturated with germs and become useless.
The best advice is age old: wash your hands often or use hand sanitizer regularly, and like your mother undoubtedly told you, “Keep your hands out of your mouth.” “Don’t pick your nose.” Finally, “Stop rubbing your eyes.” Eat healthy, keep your immune system happy, and take your multi-vitamins and some probiotics. Get plenty of rest, exercise and steer clear of people who are sick. If you care for someone who is ill limit your contact, always clean your hands after being with them or touching them. Be sure to sterilize their dishes and have them sleep in a separate room if possible. And if you or a loved one is sick STAY HOME (the CDC recommends a full seven days from the start of symptoms). Respect other people and their health by not spreading it around.
Instead of panicking be prepared…do right by your health and take care of yourself. Will there be a pandemic? Probably. Will it hit the world like previous pandemics? Not necessarily.
Notice that the very word PANDEMIC when the d-e-m are removed spells PANIC.
For further information on H1N1 go to: http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/
END.
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Choices to Panic or Prepare: Part 2
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
We, especially in the United States, have been inundated with panic over the recession. Another place for us to take our finger off the panic button would be about our money. Here are a few things to remember when thinking of our economy and the recession:
* While unemployment levels are up, they are starting to stabilize.
* When the stock market rides as dangerously high for as many years as it did before it plummeted last year this is normal…it has to stabilize at some point.
* Keep your retirement funds in place. Yes, right now they do not look good on paper, but remember those shares are yours even if they are not worth much right now they are still shares and they will eventually regain value. Ride it out, it will turn around.
I am not saying that the recession does not affect us, quite the contrary, we have seen a 20% pay cut in our own household. I think being realistic is better than pretending it is not going to happen and then being caught in a financial whirlwind. Therefore, for my clients, and myself I am saying the same thing as many financial advisors.
Stop spending money you do not have…NOW. The American public has spent entirely too much money on credit and the effects have become global. It has never been advisable to spend money you do not have. We have a strict rule in our house; “if you don’t have the cash, you don’t get the goods.”
Start saving…NOW! Pay yourself first. Money should be allotted to savings and interest bearing accounts as soon as it comes in. Start saving as much money as you can horde away, and start now even if it is only $5 here and there those nickels add up. It never hurts to save for a rainy day–even on a rainy day.
Here is a list of financial pointers that I have implemented successfully in my own home and with my clients:
* Use coupons.
* If possible never pay full price for anything, especially, clothing or big-ticket items.
* Look around online for coupon deals and codes before you buy online.
* Become a member of your favorite shopping websites, they often email coupons to you weekly and sometimes daily.
* GET RID of your credit cards except for emergencies. These gems should never be used unless you KNOW you will pay it off quickly. In addition, if you have outstanding credit card debt, pay it down in as large of chunks as you can afford–the interest will add up fast.
* Negotiate with anyone you can, your cable company, your phone company, your cell provider, your auto and homeowner’s insurance provider, your auto loan company, and even your hairdresser.
* Go green it eventually puts the green back in your wallet.
o Start buying CFC light bulbs; they reduce your electric bill.
o Buy Energy Star appliances.
o Wash your clothes in cold water.
o Take shorter showers.
o Water your lawn less.
o Turn off your electronic devices when not in use.
o Unplug chargers when devices are done charging.
o Turn out the lights when not in use.
o Turn down your water heater to the lowest tolerable setting.
o Turn down your heater and turn up your cooler to the most tolerable settings.
o Change the oil in your car when it is due for it, and keep the proper pressure in your tires, this reduces your gasoline usage and lowers your carbon footprint.
o Trade that gas-guzzler in for a vehicle that gets better gas mileage, saves money not only on gas but on insurance as well.
* Keep your car for a few years after you have paid it off. If it is still a good car then there is no need to trade up or get into another car payment.
* Consider taking a stay at home vacation and going to your local venues, like museums, the local zoo, and local national or state parks.
* Make family agreements for holiday gifts; for instance, no one spends more than $10 on a gift.
* When you find yourself wanting something ask yourself if you really need it or can you live without it.
* Earn a little extra cash on eBay.com or other similar sites by selling some of your unused and unwanted goods.
* If you are a crafter, start selling online at etsy.com.
* Become a member to businesses that pay you back for shopping with them, like your local co-op, and warehouse clubs.
The old adages of ‘work smarter not harder,’ and ‘don’t put all your eggs in one basket,’ are sage advice in lean times or not (the key here is even when times are not lean spend smart and save smart.)
Use a method of budgeting your income, there are many out there from which to choose. The one I like the best and that works the easiest for us is divide your income into quarters. ¼ goes to home rent or mortgage expenses and bills, ¼ goes to all other household needs groceries and your daily expenses, ¼ to savings and insurance, ¼ for miscellaneous. There are others out there like splitting your income into 35% housing, 15% transportation, 25% life, 15% debt repayment, and 10% savings. Whatever you do pick a budgeting method and stick to it.
Really, the best advice again is instead of panicking get prepared.
Look to this day for it is life.
In its brief course lie all the realities and truths of existence,
The joy of growth, the glory of action,
The splendor of beauty…
Today well lived makes every
Yesterday a memory of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day…
~ancient Sanskrit proverb
END.
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Re-Charge
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
No matter how positive your frame of mind is, during the holiday season there may be times when you feel overwhelmed, negative and drained of energy, especially when due to stress – from the pressures of job, family, holiday events and misunderstandings with a loved one. Let me offer you some help to get you through …
* Take a break. Just leave the cause of your stress for a few minutes. This tip is applicable particularly when you are overwhelmed and feel many things going on around you. Close your eyes, relax, and take deep breaths. You can also recite an affirmation to yourself. This short break can give you a new perspective on the issue – or issues – at hand when you come back.
* Meditate. Close your eyes, breathe deeply and imagine any of these situations or any image that you feel can relax you. You can make variations as you see fit:
o
A great shower of light is bathing you and wrapping all around you. This light not only envelops you but fills your being to the core.
o
You are a feather floating in the air. You become lighter and lighter as you glide downward. You finally touch the ground, softly and gently. As you lie there, all negative feelings and heaviness have left your body. You are almost weightless.
o
All bad feelings are released from your body like the air you exhale. As you breathe slowly and deeply, imagine that each time you exhale, you are releasing all negative thoughts.
o
A relaxing piece of music can help in your meditation. Also, listening to the music alone and letting it wash away your worries and concerns can also work, even without images.
*
Draw energy from nature. You need not go to the beach or the mountains – you can draw energy from focusing on the beauty of a simple flower or tree. Take note of the object’s every detail – from the shape, the color, the way the light plays on its surface and others. Drink in its “essence” and imagine this “essence” filling you.
*
Ask for energy from others. People who support you are a very powerful source of energy. Their help is especially valuable when you are having a hard time replenishing your energy on your own. When you are feeling tired or depressed, you can ask people close to you to send you energy. You can make your request direct, like “I’m feeling _____ now because of ________. Can you send me energy?” Or if you feel tired giving the details, you can just say how you feel and that you need energy.
If these people are near you, ask for a hug! Or several hugs, depending on how many you need to feel better. The more energy you need, the more people you may need to ask.
Give energy to others. You may think that at your current state you no longer have energy to give. Sometimes, though, when you give the little energy you have left, you actually receive more. For example, when a friend confides and asks support from you about a problem, you may forget your own worries at the moment and focus sending energy to him/her. Your sending of energy to your friend actually gives you energy..
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Restorative Circles for Families- Part 1
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
I am excited to tell you about how Restorative Circles (RC) have helped our family understand each other and learn from our conflicts more easily. The Restorative System and Process support mutual understanding, self-responsibility, and the co-creation of action steps to restore dignity and relationships with little to no communication skills training.
Within a few days after my 2 day introduction and 3 day facilitator training with Dominic Barter from Brazil, my children and I were able to use the RC process with great success. Even though I had learned about Nonviolent Communication (NVC, www.cnvc.org) 6 years ago, Barter’s work made NVC more concrete for me. I especially enjoyed that there are no assumptions that people can communicate. If we could communicate, we’d likely be doing something other than being in conflict.
Dominic Barter draws on his extensive training and experience in Restorative Practices (www.twitter.com/restoracircles and contact@restorativecircles.org) and Nonviolent Communication (NVC, www.cnvc.org). I believe he has managed to develop a simple and effective way for communities and families to experience and learn from painful conflict. Circle participants share how they were impacted by an act. There is an actor, a direct recipient of the act, and a community (e.g., family, friends, social group, neighbours, etc.). All participants dialogue in a personal capacity, no matter what roles people play outside the circle. Circles provide valuable opportunities to hear how others have been impacted and what each person was looking for at the time they chose to say or do what they did.
NVC helps me make sense of what I sense, feel, and need, so that I can make do-able requests of myself and others. I needed another way to transform my conflicts when they came up. I also wanted an easy way to explore conflict without always being “in charge”. That is, the one others look to for what to say and do next. I wanted shared power and responsibility. I found it in Restorative Circles.
I intended on sharing my RC experiences with my family in the spirit of partnership rather than “Mommy is going to tell us what to do to.” My initial intention was to observe conflict in our home and initiate dialogues to examine what we all perceive and how we might create a space for shared power and collaboration. I began thinking about ways to set up a Restorative System at home.
I woke up the first morning after the training and connected with each of my 4 kids after being away. Within an hour, conflict was ignited. My 10 year old daughter placed a cup on the table that tipped and spilled onto her younger sister (4 years). My sons (7 and 2 years) and I saw the act. I stayed focused on the questions that Dominic Barter shared with us in our training: 1) What do you want to say? (ie., What would you, the speaker, like known about how you are now in relation to the event and its consequences?) 2) What did you hear? (asked of the listener) and 3) Is that it? (asked of the speaker). Each speaker decides if he or she was heard in the way they intended.
It was hard to stay focused. Many times I wanted to direct the conversation and then refocused myself on the questions and tracked meaning. I noticed some of us wanted to move to action plans while others wanted mutual understanding. Self-responsibility wove in and out as each person understood why they did what they did. Eventually my discomfort subsided, I noticed a shift in the group energy (led mostly by my 7 year old son) to create an action plan. We did that and we checked in to see if everyone was satisfied with the outcome. We were. Total time was less than 15 minutes. We’ve had several more circles. Most circles take less than 20 minutes. Only one lasted 30 minutes.
Next time, I will share my wonderful shift in consciousness as a mother as a result of using Restorative Circles. You may contact Dominic Barter at: contact@restorativecircles.org or www.twitter.com/restoracircles.
END.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., MFCC, is a Master Family Communications Coach with training in Psychology, Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Circles, Collaborative Divorce, Grief and Bereavement, Reiki, and teaching. Her hands-on experience in transforming her own childhood violence into love motivates her to support other parents to create extraordinary family relationships. You can learn how to value everyone’s needs and work together, without giving up…and without giving in. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca for your free newsletter, gift, or coaching consultation..
Restorative Circles for Families – Part 2
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
Who doesn’t want parenting to be easier? But what does that mean given intense emotional reactions that spring up seemingly out of the blue and the challenges of everyday family life? Is it even possible for children and adults to share power while we are leaders in our families?
Well, I found out that we can be equally powerful one morning in June. I saw my 2 1/2 year old son carrying my eye glasses and a fork in one hand. I felt livid imagining not being able to use my glasses again and noticed I blamed my son. I stood in the kitchen, witnessed my anger inside, while my oldest children (7 and 10 years) looked at me. Suddenly, I had the idea to request a Restorative Circle (RC). I could see that my ability to hear was diminished by my emotional intensity. That meant that I would need some help being heard. I made this request of my oldest children. To my surprise, both children said “yes”. My 10 year old daughter turned to me and asked, “So, how do we do that?” I said, “Just do what you’ve seen me do over the last couple of days.” I thought, “Not a do-able request, I know…but it was the best I could come up with at the time.” To my surprise again, she replied confidently, “okay.”
My two children eagerly co-facilitated a circle. It looked rather fun for them even though I was still feeling uncomfortable. It wasn’t for long. My young children empathized with my feelings, understanding my needs for order and ease. They also gave me space to share how I also saw my son’s needs for fun and my love for him. Holding emotional space for me and him was the challenge for me. Once I received this gift of empathy, I re-connected with my littlest who was cowering in fear. I’m sure it was in reaction to the look of rage on my face earlier when I saw him do what he did. After the circle, hearing how I was, and what my son was likely looking for when he was carrying my glasses and the fork in one hand, we hugged and kissed. Total time: about 10 minutes.
Some days we are unable to do spontaneous circles. Any one of us may be too tired or focused on other things. My family seems to generally trust our needs are important. Even though we can’t always listen in the way that we would like and take a break to regain calm again, we mostly trust that we can work things out together. When we forget, there seems to be someone else, at some point, helping us to remember. I am so grateful for that!
One day, the kids and I were heading out the door when conflict happened. Unable to focus our attention on a circle, my older son grabbed a pen, paper, and wrote his name to request a circle later. He seemed relieved to write this note. Then, he turned to his younger brother with whom he just had the conflict and figured out a way to move forward (i.e., to get out the door). I read the note next morning when I was able to facilitate a circle. When I asked my son about it, he said there was no conflict. He threw out the note.
I trust myself and my kids to value and know how to meet our needs even if we haven’t got a clue in any given moment. Those moments of uncertainty are tough and uncomfortable. I’m learning everyday to feel more comfortable with my discomfort and seeing these feelings in a restorative way.
I’m wondering if you’re wondering, “How this is possible?” If you’re experiencing intense conflict or exhaustion, this experience can seem too unreal to imagine. I advise you to get the rest and help you need before trying this on your own. Sharing power with my kids means that I feel vulnerable to change. I don’t have all the answers. I bring my curiosity and care. I’m often raw and unsure. This is so rich for me as long as I see it as an adventure. As long as I do, I feel powerful, confident, and can acknowledge my children’s power and choice. When I don’t, I get help just like anyone else.
Restorative Circles made my parenting easier because the questions and structure developed by Dominic Barter were easy enough for my eldest children to learn from a couple of 10 minute discussions and watching me over 2 days. We still need lots of practice. I notice more ease to understand myself and my family. I’m not getting stuck on communicating in the “right way” as much as I used to. Instead, checking for the meaning underlying what we do and say has become easier. Rather than trying to fix a situation, even if it’s mine, I know I can witness what’s going on for me, be gentle with myself, ask for help, and trust that all is well. Pain is important and, I dare say necessary, for learning.
END.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., MFCC, is a Master Family Communications Coach with training in Psychology, Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Circles, Collaborative Divorce, Grief and Bereavement, Reiki, and teaching. Her hands-on experience in transforming her own childhood violence into love motivates her to support other parents to create extraordinary family relationships. You can learn how to value everyone’s needs and work together, without giving up…and without giving in. Visit her website www.CompassionateSolutions.ca for your free newsletter, gift, or coaching consultation..
School Blues
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
For a child who is already comfortable and at ease with the normal routine of his school, transferring to a new one might be a lot difficult for him. Changes abound – he has to deal with a change of environment, meet new people, encounter a different school curriculum, follow new school rules, and even try to make his way around his new school.
These, among others, might be the ones that have adverse affects on the child – a sense of rejection, trauma, or even depression.
“There are different ways in which kids act in various situations,” says Professor Josephine Aguilar-Placido, a sociology professor. “There is the issue of non-acceptance, especially when the child doesn’t know that he is going to be transferred to another school. There is the rejection from the child – absenteeism, skipping classes and sometimes the child exhibits behavior, such as withdrawal which would be unusual if he is usually outspoken.”
So when a child exhibits unusual behavior, here are several ways on how to deal with the child and his school blues.
Talk to your child. Prior to the move, have a heart-to-heart talk with your child. Explain to him why he needs to go to a new school. Have a positive tone and be encouraging – explain to your child that the new school is different, but with effort, it will be better than the old one.
Tour the campus. Even before the school year starts, schedule a series of visits to the campus so that your child would know who his new teachers are, and where the rooms such as the canteen, library, and the teachers’ lounge are located. That way, your child may become accustomed to finding his way around and know to whom he can easily talk if he needs help.
Observe your child on school days. Don’t ignore your child when the start of the school year rolls around. Make sure you talk to him after each school day, asking him how his day is, how he feels about his new school and his classmates. This way, you can immediately grasp what your child feels. If you sense an immediate discomfort in the child, talk to him after school, and discuss this problem with him.
You might also want to pay a visit to the school and talk to your child’s teachers or the guidance counselor.
Go over schoolwork with him. If a child is experiencing some difficulty in his schoolwork as opposed to his previous schoolwork in a former school, make time to sit down him and help him study his lessons.
END.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Self-Care vs. Self-Sacrifice
by Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C.
Self-care is the opposite of self-sabotage, self-control, and self-sacrifice. To successfully take care of yourself, begin a self-care plan based on your values and personal needs. It’s through determination and focus that you’re going to be able to properly care for your very being.
Self-care isn’t just about brushing your teeth or getting food on the table. Self-care is caring for your inner self, your needs, and your very being. What patterns are we creating when we do not attend to what is important to us? What beliefs are we reinforcing when we justify self-sacrifice?
Why is self-care so important? I believe that when we take care of ourselves, we are better able to care for our families and others. Here’s my example.
I was in the shower the other day when my youngest daughter came in to use the toilet. I was enjoying the quiet alone time when she asked me some questions. I started to feel tense and worried my solitude was in jeopardy. I answered her questions anyway. Alas, as I continued to talk, I continued to sabotage my own needs for self-care. I did what many parents do…I raised my voice and told my daughter to be quiet or leave.
When I think about this now I would do it differently. In fact, I have done it differently since I’ve written this…and we’ll talk about that later.
As my daughter came into the room, I could have calmly invited her to come in quietly. Once I had her agreement, it would have been fairly easy to remind us of that if she chose to talk. If she didn’t agree to be quiet, I could have calmly fielded her questions and then request that she leave. Instead, I didn’t have the confidence to stand up for myself right from the beginning. I justified my self-sacrifice and jeopardized connection with my daughter.
All was not lost. My feelings of remorse and sadness called me back to my needs for self-care and connection. Afterwards, I sat down with my daughter and I shared how sad I felt about what happened. I heard how scared and confused she felt. After we understood each other, we talked about how important it is to ask for what we need, we laughed, and we hugged. I’m glad I can do that within minutes after raising my voice. However, I long to live with more integrity and peace. That’s why a self-care plan is so important to me.
Tracking Self-Care
A good self-care plan reminds you of what is important to you. After all, you have values, goals, and a purpose in your life. This plan reminds you about what you need to do to take care of you. Using a day planner or journal can remind you of your values and help you to decide what to do to take care of your body, mind, and soul.
Tracking your self-care gives you a solid foundation and understanding of your core values, helps you decide what to do, and helps you measure your success.
So, where do you start? For starters, try food for the brain. Begin to support self-care beliefs by giving yourself inspirational quotes and affirmations. This is the spiritual fuel that keeps you focused on your own personal well being. Not only do you want reminders of what to do, but you also want little pieces of inspiration around you to remind you of why you’re doing it. In addition to inspirational quotes, surround yourself with motivating pictures and beautiful, uplifting music throughout your home and office. Let this art stir your tranquility and wildest dreams. Your pictures, music, and affirmations may remind you of your dreams and what you want to create in your life or remind you of what’s important to you, like your family.
A helpful self-care plan inspires you and reminds you of why you want to take care of your body, mind, and spirit.
Tracking your progress is important. Let’s say you have a hard time getting motivated to exercise. By keeping a log of your rest, nutrition, and exercise time, you can keep yourself focused on achieving a healthier you.
In addition, use a journal to record your mental and emotional wellbeing. These four simple steps will help you to understand your feelings, needs, and take care of your self.
1. Use your five senses and observe what is going on around you and what you are thinking — write down what you see and hear and acknowledge any judgments you have about the situation.
2. Feelings — connect with how you feel.
3. Needs — what’s important about this situation for you?
4. Requests — what’s the best way you know of to meet your needs? Make specific, achievable goals or ask someone for specific, do-able help to meet your needs.
After you do something to meet your needs, evaluate whether it worked or not. If so, celebrate. If not, what could you do differently?
Your self-care plan tracks your progress to help you stay on track toward your goals.
You can use these planning tools to accomplish anything in your life. Taking care of yourself inside and out helps you to take care of your family and others. Start with yourself first!
Creating a Personal Self-Care Plan
How would you motivate yourself to initiate your self-care plan? Beginning any new task may be daunting or exciting. You’ll want to be sure you can sustain your motivation to keep you on track.
Think of a time you were successful in the past. What helped you achieve success? What motivated you in the past? Use this as your guide now to take care of yourself.
Some people find it helpful to have a family member, friend, spouse, or life coach hold them accountable. All you need to do is tell them about your goals and review them every one to two weeks. If you slip up in your efforts, they can let you know or offer a listening ear so you can renew your focus and get back on course.
Some sort of structure and accountability makes self-care successful and easy. We want to make this as easy as possible! Taking care of yourself is an important part of being there for your family. A realistic and achievable self-care plan will provide you with the vigor, attitude, and energy to enjoy life to its fullest!
END.
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? About the Author: Wendy McDonnell, Hons.B.Sc., C.F.C.C. is a Certified Family Communications Coach. She supports compassionate communication, conflict resolution for all ages, and Collaborative Divorce. If you think your kids or partner are driving you nuts, then visit www.CompassionateSolutions.ca, sign up for your free newsletter and receive your gift: 10 Simple Actions you can do today to bring more peace into your life now! Wendy offers a free preview Coaching and Consultation Session for new clients and regular group coaching calls.
A Spiritual (not religious) Lifestyle
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Thought to Ponder . . .True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess.
As I made a decision to do something about my life as it was back in 1994, early on I had the GOD thing thrown at me.
Like most, I had attended Sunday school as a kid and at the insistence of my parents. At an age I was allowed to make decisions for myself, I found better things to do on a Sunday morning, like sleep in to recover from Saturday night!
At about 17 years old, I met a lady who was in to a fundamentalist Christian religion, or at least her family was, and to please and impress her and them, I started to attend their church. Being the type of person I am (half measures availed us not) I embraced the religion, the church, and its members hook line and sinker. In return, I received a lot of attention, praise and encouragement from not only the young lady, but the congregation as a whole. I had found a place where I got some of the things I was lacking in life.
The romance with the religion continued for about three years and the relationship with the “girl” who was to become my wife and mother to my children continued.
Was I genuine in my beliefs or just going through the motions to please others? It’s a moot point today. I learned a lot and cleaned up my behavior, left booze and drugs alone for the first time in my teen years, and acted like the person my new church friends thought I should be.
At the end of high school I had options. I was accepted at Bible College (1st acceptance) followed by acceptance at two good universities where I had an option to play football. University won out easily.
I was a “Christian” in the conduct others saw over my first year “away” at university. The relationship with the young lady (3 years my junior) continued on. I returned home after 1st year and the personal relationship got far more physical- note I did not say intimate- through out the summer.
I returned to school in the fall, and just prior to Canadian thanksgiving, I got the confirming phone call that the young lady and I were about to be parents. In our infinite wisdom and against parental advice- we decided to get married.
A very funny and life altering thing happened, one that was to shape the next 25 years of my life and alter the lives of 2 young people.
Without belabouring it and getting into specifics, the church that had been our rock turned on us and my wife’s family. The god I knew I had found at this church and in my mind was part of this church and spoke through, in part, these people. To be shunned was devastating.
Any connection I had with god ended. It was as sudden as the disconnect of a telephone line. I very quickly reverted back to my old behaviors that included the proverbial sex, drugs and rock and roll. God was gone, and gone for the next 25 years. He had dropped the ball in my mind.
Going forward, my career thrived but my personal behavior began a downward spiral. I was a terrible husband, sporadically a good father and a personally needy person. Even major career success could not fill the hole inside; I had lost self esteem and confidence as a person. I continued to play the role of “business executive” well to prove my mettle and gave freely to others to try and fill the hole in me. The marriage ended and within a short time I took another lady hostage. I did the best I could as a parent, but my best left a lot of room for improvement. I wrecked the havoc that a person active in addictions does without meaning to upon those they care about the most. I use the word care, not love, for self-love was gone and you can’t give to others what you haven’t got for self!
Wife #2 moved out on me, the great provider. I truly cared about her more than anyone I had ever met, yet my selfish behavior caused her to run to save her own sanity; an act of real courage. I spiraled downwards very rapidly.
Here I was, 46, materially appearing successful, no higher power in my life, emotionally and spiritual bankrupt and as low as I could go- something- a miracle- said change and get help, and in a moment of clarity (following a police stop where a breathalyser clearly malfunctioned) I listened.
“Reluctantly, I opened my mind to the fact that maybe, just maybe, there was something to this spiritual lifestyle.
Slowly, but surely, I realized that there was indeed a Power greater than myself, and I soon found myself with a full-time God in my life and following a spiritual path that didn’t conflict with my personal religious convictions.”
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 287
Today I have a relationship with a Higher Power (HP) that I found deep inside of me. I understand the prose “Footsteps” and daily, as I work on my spiritual fitness, more is shown to me. I know by the grace of my HP, the life I have today is a miracle and daily I feel gratitude for this gift given. I am truly grateful for the inner strength given to me that allowed me to make change and regain self respect. I have love in reserve today that I can give away, and I work hard to keep my tank full!
My religion is my life. While I respect others who find comfort within a “creed”, this has not been something I have sought out…..yet. While having gotten over my resentments about church and structured religion, I know churches are people and the individual dogmas to a large part man made with a need to be right. I’m OK in any religious facility because my personal HP comes with me.
END.
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? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
Still in This Crazy World
by Joli A. Campbell, C.L.C.
We, especially in the United States, have been inundated with panic over the recession. Another place for us to take our finger off the panic button would be about our money. Here are a few things to remember when thinking of our economy and the recession:
* While unemployment levels are up, they are starting to stabilize.
* When the stock market rides as dangerously high for as many years as it did before it plummeted last year this is normal…it has to stabilize at some point.
* Keep your retirement funds in place. Yes, right now they do not look good on paper, but remember those shares are yours even if they are not worth much right now they are still shares and they will eventually regain value. Ride it out, it will turn around.
I am not saying that the recession does not affect us, quite the contrary, we have seen a 20% pay cut in our own household. I think being realistic is better than pretending it is not going to happen and then being caught in a financial whirlwind. Therefore, for my clients, and myself I am saying the same thing as many financial advisors.
Stop spending money you do not have…NOW. The American public has spent entirely too much money on credit and the effects have become global. It has never been advisable to spend money you do not have. We have a strict rule in our house; “if you don’t have the cash, you don’t get the goods.”
Start saving…NOW! Pay yourself first. Money should be allotted to savings and interest bearing accounts as soon as it comes in. Start saving as much money as you can horde away, and start now even if it is only $5 here and there those nickels add up. It never hurts to save for a rainy day–even on a rainy day.
Here is a list of financial pointers that I have implemented successfully in my own home and with my clients:
* Use coupons.
* If possible never pay full price for anything, especially, clothing or big-ticket items.
* Look around online for coupon deals and codes before you buy online.
* Become a member of your favorite shopping websites, they often email coupons to you weekly and sometimes daily.
* GET RID of your credit cards except for emergencies. These gems should never be used unless you KNOW you will pay it off quickly. In addition, if you have outstanding credit card debt, pay it down in as large of chunks as you can afford–the interest will add up fast.
* Negotiate with anyone you can, your cable company, your phone company, your cell provider, your auto and homeowner’s insurance provider, your auto loan company, and even your hairdresser.
* Go green it eventually puts the green back in your wallet.
o Start buying CFC light bulbs; they reduce your electric bill.
o Buy Energy Star appliances.
o Wash your clothes in cold water.
o Take shorter showers.
o Water your lawn less.
o Turn off your electronic devices when not in use.
o Unplug chargers when devices are done charging.
o Turn out the lights when not in use.
o Turn down your water heater to the lowest tolerable setting.
o Turn down your heater and turn up your cooler to the most tolerable settings.
o Change the oil in your car when it is due for it, and keep the proper pressure in your tires, this reduces your gasoline usage and lowers your carbon footprint.
o Trade that gas-guzzler in for a vehicle that gets better gas mileage, saves money not only on gas but on insurance as well.
* Keep your car for a few years after you have paid it off. If it is still a good car then there is no need to trade up or get into another car payment.
* Consider taking a stay at home vacation and going to your local venues, like museums, the local zoo, and local national or state parks.
* Make family agreements for holiday gifts; for instance, no one spends more than $10 on a gift.
* When you find yourself wanting something ask yourself if you really need it or can you live without it.
* Earn a little extra cash on eBay.com or other similar sites by selling some of your unused and unwanted goods.
* If you are a crafter, start selling online at etsy.com.
* Become a member to businesses that pay you back for shopping with them, like your local co-op, and warehouse clubs.
The old adages of ‘work smarter not harder,’ and ‘don’t put all your eggs in one basket,’ are sage advice in lean times or not (the key here is even when times are not lean spend smart and save smart.)
Use a method of budgeting your income, there are many out there from which to choose. The one I like the best and that works the easiest for us is divide your income into quarters. ¼ goes to home rent or mortgage expenses and bills, ¼ goes to all other household needs groceries and your daily expenses, ¼ to savings and insurance, ¼ for miscellaneous. There are others out there like splitting your income into 35% housing, 15% transportation, 25% life, 15% debt repayment, and 10% savings. Whatever you do pick a budgeting method and stick to it.
Really, the best advice again is instead of panicking get prepared.
Look to this day for it is life.
In its brief course lie all the realities and truths of existence,
The joy of growth, the glory of action,
The splendor of beauty…
Today well lived makes every
Yesterday a memory of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day…
~ancient Sanskrit proverb
END.
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? About the Author: Joli A. Campbell is a Writer, Photographer, and Certified Life Coach, her focus is on healthy choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. In the past 15 years she has learned many helpful arts to further assist her clients including, Neuro Integration, Dream Interpretation, and Feng Shui. Please visit her website for further information: www.peoplemomentschoices.com. To contact Joli please visit her website.
Success Perspective
by Dr. Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C.
I’ve been asked a lot about success and achievement lately. Over time, I’ve come to believe that our success is not something that “just happens”. Our success or lack of success is a direct result of the decisions we make.
If we want to become wealthy, we must make wealthy decisions. If we want to become part of a healthy relationship, we must make healthy relationship decisions. If we want to become physically fit, we must make physically fit decisions. If we want to become more spiritual, we must make spiritual decisions.
This may seem overly simplified but this is where it starts. It starts with motivation. And motivation generates decision. The problem enters when we allow our emotions to interfere with our logical decision process.
Example: If you want to lose weight, your logical decisions should be to eat less and exercise more. Simple. Right? It’s simple until you allow your emotions to help make your weight loss decisions.
When your emotions enter the picture, you’ll soon notice that you’ve “decided” that “one piece of pie won’t hurt this one time.” After all you love pie. And then 2 pieces of pie and a bowl of ice cream later, you “decide” that you’ve already blown your eating habits to lose weight so what’s the point anymore.
You must keep your emotional decisions and logical decisions in check.
Example 2: If you’re trying to build wealth, you must make logical wealth building decisions. Simple again, right? Well let’s see… You’ve been making good decisions and sticking to your budget that is designed to definitely lead you down the road of wealth. But you’ve been renting this apartment and you know one day you want to buy a house. So instead of waiting, you go on ahead and start looking. You see a house you like and grow extremely attached to it. It’s got everything you’ve ever thought you might want in your dream home.
So you get pre-approved and qualify for more than you ever thought you could (of course). Even though this house is more than you were going to spend, you go ahead and make the offer, then the counter offer. You end up purchasing your dream home. But at what cost? You are now back to where you started – stretching to make ends meet and living paycheck to paycheck. Your emotions bled over into your logical decision making process. Far fetched? I’m not so sure.
This is a crucial point to success. We must keep our emotional and logical processes of decision making separate if we want to succeed in our own predetermined endeavors. Don’t get me wrong. Emotions have their place and are a great source of successful living. But when we need to make logical, life-changing decisions, it may be a good idea to keep emotions and logic separate.
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? About the Author: Randin Brons, Ph.D., C.M.H., M.S.L.C., is the current Chief Learning Officer of Express Coaching™ and a working life coach. Randin specializes in working with individuals to regain a sense of control over their lives … dreams and future. The power of Randin’s work goes far beyond the search for your life purpose – the difference is in learning how to live by your own design. You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.ajourneytojoy.com to find out more about his unique gift and work.
TAKING ACTION-OUCH!
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Thought to Ponder . . . Never mistake motion for action.
I read the book, sat on the sidelines at dances, talked the talk but didn’t get off my duff to actually dance. I dreamed I was mister dancing king, I fantasized what it would feel like, but when it came time to dance, reality was much different than fantasy!
I wanted to dance badly, and finally and reluctantly, I got someone to teach me in private. When I took action, I got results. Funny how that works.
I read a lot of blogs and stories done by people who profess to want a much improved life with dramatically changed behavior. I see many at meetings; talk with many as part of my coaching practice and after speaking engagements. I know for certain the only way to get results is to take action, and as with athletes, many need a “coach” to push them. Coaches come in many forms. The following is true in my own life and the lives of many. Forget the reference to AA and booze if it doesn’t fit and plug in any aspect of life you want to turn around! Quit talking and TAKE ACTION. Nike has it right….”JUST DO IT”.
“One of the most important things AA has given me, in addition to freedom from booze, is the ability to take “right action.”
It says the promises will always materialize if I work for them.
Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won’t work. “
I sincerely hope this strikes a cord with some who read this. Too many want to make major change in their life and/or claim to be in some form of recovery. They get caught in the “cosmic void” of life, and forget that to get the life you want there is only one path, and that path requires that YOU take action. Want to talk about what action looks like or need a kick start, maybe I can help. Feel free to make contact me – my contact info is below.
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? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
The Power of Conscious Mind
by Keith Bray, B.A., C.A.L.C.
Last night, as is my norm on Thursday nights, I attended a regular small group discussion focused on the recovery of life.
The group is small and in that small size their is quite a bit of intimacy and trust. Age range is wide, and socio-economic and education levels are huge. A good cross section of our local population with a great group respect and openness.
I listen closely and learn at these sessions.
Last night, we were discus our individual faults and instincts that went out of balance. Every human has faults (defects of character) and at points in life, we all have natural instincts (dear, anger, sex, hunger, etc) go out of balance.
In listening to my fellows, I heard from several who had looked to their own pasts mirror what I have experienced myself; having been made and staying consciously ware of the defects I have, and asking on a daily basis to have them removed, they no longer play as destructive a role in my life as they once did.
There is a tremendous power in being consciously aware, particularly on a daily basis.
While natural instinct are a part of us (things like fear, sex, hunger, sleep etc.) are given to us to survive, instincts and actions (honesty, trust, eating, greed-the deadly sins) can get out of balance without our knowing and lead us, and those around us, on a journey of internal hell and ultimately destruction. Being consciously aware and taking action opens up a whole new road; a far healthier option.
While still having defects of character (the Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery has made me conscious of what they are) they do not impact on my life as negatively as they once did, and funnily enough, I am not do some of the very destructive things (drinking, drugging, lying, cheating) that I once did and SURPRISE, I am reasonably content with the life I have. Through the power of conscious awareness we realize we are not perfect and never will be. But by conscious recognition of our defects and a sincere desire to have them removed, we can have a new freedom in our lives.
Thank you for allowing me to listen to some great discussion and for the reminders I received. May this learning help my journey and allow me to better help others to find their own right journey to recovery.
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? About the Author: Keith Bray holds an undergraduate degree from UWO and is a Certified Addictions Life Coach. Mr. Bray has an extensive business background and currently is working with others through his coaching practices, “Coached To Success” and “Hope & Serenity.” You can contact the author through our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca. Visit his website www.hopeserenity.ca to find out more about his unique gift and work.
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EVALUATING COACHING:
50 pages packed with information you should know before you make any coaching career decisions!