Article from LCResource Newsletter - April 2008
Celebrating your continued development.

Title: How Divided is the Great Divide?

by: Linda Joy Sulllivan, L.R.G.C., M.S.L.C.

Your close friend gets married or moves in with a significant other. Floods of memories come to life. Are you a displaced friend or are you actually going through a reality check that you were, in reality, a friend in the truest meaning during that time of your lives. What does that mean? It means that you were and are a friend and now need to understand your role as a friend. A lifelong best friend and lover and life partner has been chosen by someone you are supposed to want the best for.

You have expectations that you are supposed to remain friends forever. However, as each of your friends find girlfriends and boyfriends and move forward to more lifelong choices which are the permanent ones, it seems to you that they have entered into a new universe. And they have. They are no longer single. The married people are no longer available to “hang out” any longer and take your calls nonstop. They have found a new, healthier life choice-style that they want to make work and reap the benefits from. It is time for you to realize that they are no longer searching for that sexual liaison that preoccupied their lives. That is no longer an issue with the newly married. They have that sexual happiness and fulfillment for the rest of their lives. They now have focused on other important and happy goals to achieve with their life partners. Follow their lead.

You may be experiencing feelings of anger and resentment about some young man or woman having taken to the strange new world of marriage for the first time or once again. Yet, remember, feeling jealous and experiencing your own needs to partner up may be rushing upwards inside you. Focus. Take control of those feelings and don’t force yourself on your newly-partnered friend. While at first they will have empathy for you, you really will become a nuisance. They are moving forward in their lives. They want to see you with their partner as appropriate, but your secrets now become the secrets they share with their new partner. The only secrets that remain true secrets are those between the newly-partnered couple. And that is how it should be. They wanted a life partner at this time in their lives and made the commitment and decision to go for it.

Rather than exert pressure to keep what you imagined the status quo to be, put your energy on your true goals. By going forward with your life to reach goals that are good for you, it will allow you to realize how you can remain friends with the new partners. And yes, it must be with both the new partners if you really want to be a friend. Understanding these facts requires patience and a willingness to fight the feelings of jealousy that get aroused when marriage around you occurs.

Your newly married or coupled friend should appropriately remind you that their new partner is now their new best friend forever because that is what is necessary to make a marriage or lifelong partnership successful. So the moral of the story, figure out how to rearrange your life for the best without forcing the newly-married couple to help you and move forward towards your goals. Mentally and spiritually, you will then remain a true old friend.

END.

About the Author: Linda Sullivan, BA Psychology, MBA, holds her certification as a Life, Relationship & Grief Coach and Master SPIRIT LIFE Coach. Linda is a motivational speaker for law firms and businesses and work with individuals and groups in areas of relationships, transitions and grief. We are ever grateful for the contribution that Linda has made to our newsletter over the last few years. Should you wish to contact the author, please contact our corporate email: rhema-int@shaw.ca.

Copyright Notice: Linda Joy Sullivan. http://www.officiallovelinda.com/
This article is copyright of Linda Joy Sullivan © 2008. All rights reserved.
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